Things that just piss me off

Crow Shit

2009-07-10T01:34:00.000-07:00

Freaking crow's piss me off

They serve no purpose in this world, quite literally. I mean, look at them. They are freaking scavengers and all that they do in life is while away time and feed off garbage bins. They have evolved quite extensively after living in the city for so long I guess.

Invariably, they've figured out a knack to only find a way to perch their freaking assess just above bikes and cars and they always let go only if they are confident it'll land on someone's tank or seat.

Like what the fuck man.. I don't know how many times I've had to tend to their shit piles on my bike. The worst part is, during summers, these mofos will take a crap on my tank and the sun will bake the fucking shit in. Then it becomes like acid and starts corroding the paint when you try rubbing it off with a wet cloth in the evening.

Not only do you have to scrub like mad, but you have to discard that cloth that you sneakily hide under your tank after using it on the crow's crap. Another good plan though is to steal someone else's cloth. But that's just cruel cause the crow might take a crap on his bike as well and then he'll be left with nothing. But who cares.

Also, I hate the way they go "kaa kaa". I mean, that's such a fuck all sounding thing. Its weird too that all crows the world over don't go "kaa kaa". I've heard them in Australia and in a small town near Amsterdam and the fuckers sound different there.

But they still mark their targets with 98% accuracy and still manage to get on my nerves!
BASTARDS!

Things still piss me off..

2009-07-09T03:43:00.001-07:00

Even after all these days, you'd be surprised to know, that things still piss me off :)

Like the sorry state of affairs that we still live in.

Or me recently finding out, thanks to a certain episode of Dispatches - Terror in Mumbai, that the Indian Intelligence was listening in on the conversations of the terrorists since the time they landed on our shores. They even knew exactly what they were upto and how everything was being blown out of proportion by the media and yet they sat there and did nothing to stop it.

What defeats me is why information couldn't flow from one dept to the other in time. I am sure the outcome would have been a lot different if it had.

Oh geez, will try and post more often. If time permits obviously.

Who cares, no one is listening :P

Missed a Spot

2007-08-20T02:58:00.000-07:00

How bad can your aim really be huh?
You tell me man, bloody shit.

So yesterday I was at work, doing my job and all and it was raining here in Mumbai. Now I dont usually have a strong urge to pee or anything when I am at work. Even when I was in school, I never really used to take pee breaks. It just never was something that I was fascinated to do. Some of my classmates would find the need to pee some 20,000 times in a year atleast. Which is a lot, considering we're still in school.

So, even without having any "much" practice, I still dont think I'll goto a loo and mess it up man. Like its a huge commode right. Big enough atleast and I dont think that my aim is so bad that i'll pee all around the fucking commode.

Some retard who used the loo yesterday before I did sprayed all over the place man. On the wall, on the toilet paper, on the sink, everywhere. Like what the fuck... How can you miss so badly. Like its fine if one or two droplets trickle or something just in front of the commode, but this guy had gone berserk in there.

The worst part is, when I came running out, there were 2 other guys waiting to use the loo. Now, unfortuantely for me, they'd think it was me who made the mess.

NOT ONLY DID I NOT GET TO PEE, I AM SURE I AM NOW LOOKED DOWN UPON BY ONE OF THOSE GUYS WHO THINKS I HAVE MORE THAN ONE PEE HOLE :(

Fucking retard who cant pee in the pot piss me off!!

Like Yuck!!

2007-08-10T06:04:00.000-07:00

I couldnt help myself.
This has got to be written about even though I am very very busy with work and all that shit.

So i started working at a studio recently and boy oh boy do these places throw up surprises.
We're a state of the art studio and all that shit but every morning when I head to the studio, there's this disgusting smell in each of the studio rooms. At first I was perplexed how a room could smell so foul every morning but then i was later informed by the very efficient management that we're a 24 hour studio and that some people actually work throughout the night in most of the suites.

The dimwits that they are, they sit in that same room with the AC running at full blast cause the machines need cooling and keep farting around, quite literally, till the morning and man does it stink in the morning. First of all cause we have split ac's which circulate air inside the room and secondly cause all these guys working in the night subscribe to some hardcore channa batura or whatever. Yabbaaaaa!!

Its disgusting man. Every morning I keep the door open for 20 minutes and load up the Pot Pourri in my suite with that car perfume thing and yet it doesnt help. It eventually leaves the room in about 2 hours or so. Fuck shit.
And I was unfortunate enough to enter one of the suites in the night to check on some files that I had to check up on not only is wind emitted from the anus all night long, the guy at the machine was burping his ass off.. ewwww

I hate people who gas around! They fucking piss me off.

Sensational

2007-07-01T11:59:00.001-07:00

For fucks sake, someone's goto put a sock in it.

I've been in Mumbai for the last couple of weeks and this place is fucking flooded. Like i aint talking bangalore kinda floods. I am talking hardcore floods. Mumbai style. Something on the lines of what hit the city a couple of years ago.

I had to wade through 4 feet of water to get my ass back home after the office was shut and all bookings cancelled thanks to the non-stop rain we've had here in this city for the last 48 hours or so.

Sure the conditions in the city suck and piss me off to no bounds. But beyond all that, I just hate how the media has to fucking sensationalize everything. I've been watching the news often enough to realize that the monsoon was dawning on us and fast. They made so much fuss about it before it hit that they kept bringing it up all the time in every news segment.

Why i even bothered to tune into the news is beyond me. I guess it was just entertaining to watch those dimwits of producers trying to milk every possible news source. When the first rains hit the city and there was the obvious flooding in the lower lying areas, one nitwit of a journo, obviously dictated by his superiors to go and get wet in the rain and to make a story out of it decided to call up one of the guys who is part of the MMRDA or whatever that controls the civic amenities and ask them about the floods.

He kept asking that guy on the phone "Bolo sir, eh aisa floods kyun ho rahae hai" to which that guy kept answering in english - "They are low lying areas which are below sea level and they re bound to be flooded cause the water has no where to go. We've employed pumping the water out into the nearby drains, but its taking time cause the rains havent stopped yet" to which the journo says "But why is it happening? Why arent the pumps working?"

Like what the fuck. How should that guy from the MMRDA know? He's doing all that he can. I mean i dont support the MMRDA fellow or anything. But it was pretty obvious that fucking journo had nothing better to do than to try and make a story out of it. And it was also pretty obvious he was failing miserably. I am sure everyone who watched that segment laughed at home.

I mean i was speaking to a friend of mine the other day who told me a startling fact. Apparently, the CNN or some huge ass news network like that had just 65 Breaking News segments in all of 2006. We in India had 665 in the same year. I mean if you have dumbfucks like that Bhatia or wahtever the fuckia kid who ran some marathon and then lost his breath making the Breaking News, what else do you expect from our fucking news agencies.

First it was the newspapers, now it the news as well.

Moving right along, the rains in Mumbai dont seem to want to stop at all. I can vouch for a fact that any city which recieves this much rain continously wont know how to dispose of this much water coming down on it. Let alone with the added problem of having dumbass Bihari and Bangladeshi people coming and living on the streets and clogging up all the drains with their mess and also the huge number of illegal shops constructed on the drainage and their mess which eventually leads to all the drains being blocked which in turn causes these floods in the first place.
S.M. Krishna is at the heart of things here as well too. Wonder what he's upto. Again on today's news, he seemed to be pretty aware of the fact that it was raining as he replied "I can see it and feel it too. Sure Mumbai is flooded. I'll make sure the concerned departments who are responsible for their areas are questioned"

And then what Mr Gov? Will you sentence them to a session of spanking?
The media needs to rest, so does this city's governor

Pappa Ji

2007-06-08T12:53:00.001-07:00

haha
Mumbai amuses me.
I love this city for what its worth.

So today, I was out the whole day waiting for my bike to arrive at this place somewhere far away from Mumbai and I particularly asked for it to be delivered there cause then I wouldnt have to pay OCTROI TAX (if thats how u spell it) and just ride my bike around this place on the sly. I mean its 11 fucking percent in this city and when your bike is pretty darn valuable, its going to cost you one of your nuts to afford just the octroi. So fuck it, i am taking the sly way out.
Its not like i havent paid Life Time Tax. Then what the fuck is Octroi uh? Bastards.

Anyways, so while I was waiting, my cousin deserted me cause he had a prayer meet to attend to and I was left with his 350cc and a helmet. I did the next most interesting thing that came to my mind in a place called Ghatkoppar - I hit the fucking Internet Cafe.

So when i got there, i signed myself in and the first pissing off thing happened. This small 13 year old boy came in there and asked the internet cafe man for a computer. Before saying anything else, he asked "Bhaiya, iddhar Orkut chaltha hai nah?"

What a dumbfuck. How stupid of him. I mean first of all his hormones must be going nuts cause he needs to go down to the local internet cafe to check orkut everyday and the wait and walk till there must be killing him. He probably has Mandy and Susan from Portugal as friends and who will also be more than willing to put up enough pics of them wandering around their house in very comfortable clothing to please Mr. 13 year old. But all that aside, what a dumbass he must be. For the last few days, a certain cult in Mumbai which rhymes with ... fuck it doesnt rhyme with anything!!
Ok, lets just say, we all know of them men in orange and they cause a lot of rukkus for no good reason. So them. They have been going around all over Mumbai and threating cyber cafe owners to ban Orkut use or they'll have to do that on their own terms. And all this because some shithead of a person who wants to be cool started a community on Orkut called "I HATE THEM (replace them with men in orange)"

So like fuck man, what a dumbass 13 year old no? Why chumma proclaim to the world what your going to do. I never went to a cyber cafe when i was 14 and told that in charge bugger that i wanted to surf porn. I just opened multiple windows and mIRC to disguise my porn windows. haha.

Getting back to the whole situation, like big deal man. Even Google is apparently investigating all this crap. Like who cares man. Delete that fucking community and get off orkut. It sucks now anyways. So do all other networking sites. Get in touch with the people in person if you have to. Like, isint that the whole point anyways? Either that, or you fight with the men in orange and get ass whopped unnecessarily. They'll hunt your fucking ass down and make mince meat out of it. Trust me. Its scary.

Moving on to Pappa Ji. So after I smirked about that dumbass kid and he went away with his bag full of hormones, this annoying little voice came from behind me and it said "Pappa Ji, doosra level daalo nah, woh mountain waaala"
I was like gawwkkk, what the fuck is that. See mins, its this small boy who's the son of the owner cause he was sitting on the admin comp and was yelling his ass off like it was his pop's place. It was!

I thought he'd say it once and shut up about it. But the fucking little twit went on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about it. Like "paapaa ji, woh mountain waala daalo nah" or some other shit like "Pappa ji, woh second waala level daalo" indicating to his fucked up panzy ass dad to take him from the first level to the second level which his dad was miserably failing at considering how many times that small lil` twit kept saying it.

And all this for what, one of those fucked up flash games. Like fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!
I got so annoyed with that kid that i wanted to pull his fucking windpipe out of him and strangle him with it. That pappa ji fucking pissed me off the most. Why cant it just be papa. Fuckkkk!! Then too not papa, its paPPa for him, like ugh!

He deserves to goto hell.
I got my bike and it rides like a dream. Infact, if i could go back there, it'd ride like a dream over that small lil` twit also.

So much for blowing money on Auto from no on. Woohooo. Orange men zindabaad!

Ganta

2007-06-06T03:52:00.000-07:00

Oh hoo
Northy i've become?

I need Photoshop for the mac, someone send me a copy. Fast. Otherwise no photos for you guys.

Anyways, so lets get back into the grind now, shall we?

So, like I said, I am in this new city and all.
A few days back, I started to study a course here in Mumbai. My classes are from 8am in the morning to 11 am in the morning. Now what the fuck am I doing enrolled into a class so early in the morning, I dont know myself, but on my way out in the morning, I noticed something that pissed me off so much that i felt like ... errm, writing this blog.

Before i get into it, please note, I cant read Hindi and neither can I care less to learn. I also hate travelling by bus.

But lets just say I have to and have no choice. But you know what, in Mumbai, I cant. And you know why? Cause the fucking buses here in Mumbai only carry bus numbers in Hindi or Marathi or whatever the fucki.
Like seriously man, what the fuck do they expect people from other cities who come here to do with no knowledge of hindi. Let alone, get fucked by the million autorickshaw drivers who only believe in conversing in Hindi, they wont even make it easy to travel by bus.

Imagine my plight. First day in mumbai, headed from my dreaded 8am class at 7:45 and I cant read the bus number. Fucking shit. Its like i've landed on mars. They have the fucking bus number plates in english - MH whatever bullshit. Then why the fuck cant they have a small number written on the BUS NUMBER thing in english too? Sure, cater to the masses, have it written in BIGGER FONT SIZE in hindi. But for fucks sake, put one small indication in English as well.

Now for all you dickheads who'll get on my case for not knowing the matra bhashe and all that, piss off. I dont want to waste another good 5 years of my life learning a script i'll never end up using. If you didnt notice, I know english and this blog is published in english. So is the bus number plate.

The whole reason we adopted English for our number plates is cause if you travel say from one state to the other, you cant expect people to know how to read your fucking script. Whereas everyone can read the basic english alphabet and numbers atleast. Be kind dumbasses, have a small, even tiny print of the bus numbers in english as well.

What happens to that malayalee boy who lands here from Kerela. He wont know Marathi and he'll sound damm funny trying to converse in Hindi. Haha!

Hey-Lo

2007-06-02T05:59:00.000-07:00

Hey hey hey!
So, i am back in the country, in a new city, desperately trying to employ myself profitably enough.

I have more enemies than I'd asked for. Life couldnt be more hell.

But, I am off orkut.
The sucky thing that sucks the life out of you. Even though you know you come home everyday, open Firefox, then press CTRL T thrice to open three tabs and open gmail in one, orkut in the other and facebook in the last tab and sit there aimlessly for about 10 mins everyday checking your mail, reading and replying to your scraps and getting things organised on your facebook page.

Like really, what has life come to uh?
I had enough of the pretentious attitude. Moving right along, I've done many wrong things in my life. I hate it. But afterall, thats why I am only human i guess.

Mumbai is polluted as hell, but I goto be honest, its better than the New Bangalore atleast.
More on this city and the dumbasses who live here later.
Long live and cheers to me deciding to employ myself on doctorpissed.blogspot.com again!

I wont promise its going to be fun to read this blog anymore, but i goto find something to do with this time on my hands and this beautiful machine they call the Mac.

Long live and rock on Aerosmith.

We're All Going to Die!

2007-05-17T12:30:00.000-07:00

That still doesnt justify this.
Very Graphic Video that i dont recommend you watch

or this
Very Very Graphic Video that I dont recommend you watch

Misunderstandings - Part II

2006-10-22T08:21:00.000-07:00

So I know its been a while and I know its the second post that I am writing to get off my chest without an image to tag along with, but hell, Photoshop wont install cause they've figured out someway to block the old keygens that I downloaded and it just wont work anymore. Oh screw them, I'll work out another way to get it working.

In any case, in time that has flown by, I've realized something. No matter what, I really like writing and that I cant seem to get enough of the fact that I like maintaining this record, as silly as it may sound.

SO here's my most recent obversation, from lands afar and old, one thing doesnt seem to change. The fact that misunderstandings can cause a lot of fucking havoc to one's life. I mean sure, I've tried my best to steer clear of any complications that might arise from anything, but invariably i've noticed so many of my friends and loved ones getting totally bogged down by something as simple as just a lack of communication. It totally sucks to see them sulk all the time and feel sorry for themselves. Sure it must hurt a lot too for them. But what I really dont get is how something thats so small and insignificant drives them up the wall and eventually becomes this huge thing thats right about ready to blow... Only cause one person says something and the other is supposed to understand but doesnt, or something like that.

I think there should be a solution to all this. Any pointers?
I promise i have a tonne to crib about this horrid country with a total lack of culture and discipline. But that for later, when I get photoshop to work or something..

Until then, sit at home, eat some popcorn and wonder why in this world you even have the slightest inclination to watch that horrid film featuring the words devil and prada in it cause it totally sucks and aint worth the 12 bucks I paid for it and also wonder why Dr. Pissed has gone mellow. Trust me, its just a phase of no photoshop. Its bound to pass with the eventual acquisation of a new keygen.

Beers and cheers!

Them Visitors from Other Countries

2006-07-24T11:59:00.000-07:00

SORRY THIS WAS A BLOG THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO GO UP A LONG TIME AGO, BUT I JUST HAD TO LEAVE TOWN AND DO SOME STUFF THAT PREVENTED ME FROM BLOGGING ALL THIS WHILE.

While I get Photoshop fixed on my machine and I also work out a way to make time to write more often, excuse the fact that this post doesnt carry any image and make do with some frustration venting for a while.

The Post:

What are they called again?
Dickwarts!
Thats what.

Now, dont get me wrong. I have plenty of friends who are foreigners who come to town all the time and love it. What I cant stand is that some of them snotty type people will come here for the experience, hate it cause its just not their type of scene and bitch about us when back in their country.

Now sure, they are entitled to their opinions about us colored folk and I am all for tourism and all, but I really hate it when I see a guy walking down a street in my hometown with a message on his t which reads - "I survived India".

Now thats some audocity you mother fucker.

You know what man, I couldnt really give a damm.

Sure we've messed up on many quarters, on all quarters for that matter, but we didnt elect Mr. Bush president.

We have a nuclear scientist who we all seem to be proud of smiling all the time. And at least he's smiling.

Theater ET-E-KET (part II)

2006-07-24T11:26:00.000-07:00

So umm, blogger got screwed for a few days, the govt tried to rule us again, they failed.
Anyways, all's back to normal I hope.

So here's an update.

I went to the movies today. Fancy movies. Pirates of the Caribbean - Dead Man's Chest (FYI: I couldnt spell Caribbean until a few minutes ago, but you dont really care) and apparently all of the male populace in Bangalore has become gay.

Judging by the luck I've had at movie theaters in the recent past, believe me when I say this, I got to sit next to the most humongous 40 year old in the entire theater. The bugger was massive and he was sitting right next to me, hogging my arm rest as usual. Wait, he wasnt only hogging the god damm arm rest, he was hogging the arm rest, the leg space, the seat space and whatever else space was left even in the corners. God damm he was huge.

Anyways, getting back to the topic, as the movie started, there was this huge roar like when Ranjikanth comes on screen in Shiva Theater or something no, like that. Everyone started cheering at the sight of Mr. Depp on screen. 98% of the cheering lot - GUYS.

Case in point, ALMOST ALL THE GUYS IN THE THEATER ARE GAY!!

Now hear me say this and hear me say this loud and clear, this never used to fucking happen back in 1998, before those dumbfuck northies came here and populated our theaters. Its them I tell ya, its them.
Infact the guy sitting next to the fat dude on the other side was actually standing up and yelling something at the screen I kid you not when Mr. Depp would do something fancy like manage to gather fruit with a pole which is tied to his back without using his hands - oooo!!

For fucks sake, its a movie theater. I paid just the same amount of money or more, except maybe for the fancy 100 buck Balcony folk to watch the movie in some nice peace and quiet, which by the way is the etiquette I assume is the norm in a theater anywhere in the world.

If you gay mother fuckers want to scream, get the fuck back to Chandigarh.

In other news, I had a lovely time thanks to some good company and you guys can go laugh your heads off with this Bangalore Torpedo Joke.

Tongue Tied

2006-07-07T12:15:00.000-07:00

And twisted, just an earth bound misfit, I.

For the uninitiated, I wont bother explaining the line above, remain uninitiated.

I've noticed something really stupid off late. You know what. There's this thing, Orkut. I am sure everyone of you is a part of it. Well, so am I. Now, its fun and all. But you know what, its also a bitch.

Like it does what its meant to. It'll hook you up with a lot of people that you haven't kept in touch with and all. Then it'll also pop up that old friend of yours who'll be totally excited to see you and all. But what bothers me the most is once you get past the formalities and the hi's and the whatsup with work and all that jazz, they'll all just fade away, much like they did long before Mr. Orkut had his brainstorm of an idea.

It sucks and its been pissing me off quite a bit. Moreover, an old school friend of mine who I happened to find refuses to acknowledge that she even knew me. What the fucking!!

Happy franky? Short post.

The Ordeal!!

2006-07-03T12:33:00.000-07:00

Who cares if its been a while. Maybe I just didn't have the time.

In anycase, I happened to goto the local Passport Office in Bangalore on Burton Street today and boy oh boy did I have to write about my experience. This is one thing that I don't want to forget so soon.

Right from the second I got there, I could just figure out that I was going to get swindled for my time and money, even if I choose to do it the legal way. So I wake up early cause someone was kind enough to tell me to get my ass there early in the morning, like before 8:30 types, so I could get myself a nice place in the already 300 feet long queue that had formed outside the office. So I parked my bike in this vacant site which had a board that read "Parking" and pointed to the left. I obeyed and parked my bike there when suddenly this stupid ugly looking fart walks up to me with a conductor bag slung around his shoulder and he tells me in Kannada "5 Rupees for 1 hour saar". Again, I had no choice. I had to park there considering the nearest parking was a good kilometer away and on the other side of the road and 4 people had already added their fat bodies to the 300 feet long queue. 5 fucking bucks for 1 hour. Now I remember when I used to pay 1 buck, 2 bucks max to park on the busiest roads of Bangalore and I used to almost always find parking and today I have to pay 5 fucking bucks for an hour. I ended up paying 30 in total. For parking. Now really. FUCK THAT MAN!!!

Then I went to the friendly neighbourhood Xeror Shop. Funny how that name came about. No one in Bangalore will say "Go get this photocopied". Instead they'll say "Go xerox it". Which works well for Xerox mind you. Anyways, so the guy at the Xerox shop photocopies the front and back pages of my passport and charges me 10 fucking bucks for 4 sheets of paper. I didn't want to argue. I had no choice.

I walked to the passport office with my bag and helmet in hand and I am suddenly surrounded by some 20 men trying to sell me the option of getting myself right in front of the already 350 feet long queue. I refuse each and every one of them cause I know most of the gimmicks wont work. Yeah right, who the fuck am I kidding. But we'll get to how to work your way around the system later.

So I stand in the queue only to be told by a disgruntled police man who loves his job way too much that I am in the wrong fucking queue and that I need to go and stand at the queue that had formed at the back of the passport office. Oh yeah, I am supposed to know that right? What with all the information boards erected all over the office. Fucking nitwits don't have anybody giving you any information there and everyone you ask seems to know more than you. Or has travelled more than you. Who gives a fuck. I just want to get my work done with and get the fuck out of there at the earliest. I aint there to make friends. I aint there to get married. I am there to get my fucking passport work done.

Anyways, somehow I find the "right" queue and then pick up a Misc. Enquires form from one old man who charged me 5 bucks for it, which I had to borrow from someone considering I didn't have any change on me and that old man didn't want to break a 100 for me. Anyways, I paid the guy back later. So its all good. When filling the form, something struck me, like that ball hitting the pigeon on the baseball field during that Yankees game. *Poof*

Now here I am. A grown man, with a valid passport and all I wanted to do is get my fucking photograph changed cause apparently some authorities liked to see a more recent photograph on my passport when I leave the country. Yet, these dimwits have to put you through all this. They ask a million questions that are totally irrelevant to anything that your there to do on that form, yet you have to fill it up. I did just that. Filled it up.

Then I stood in the queue for 3 hours. It hardly moved. There was an old man standing in front of me who made small conversation with the young software engineers behind me who were all there to get their ECNR done. I couldn't care less. Didn't want to talk to anyone. But imagine their plight. They are there to get some ECNR done and its not merely as complicated as say, changing a passport photograph. Yet they have to wait in a queue for 3 hours, pay 300 buck, make small talk with old men who seem to want to brag about how they cracked a deal for some shit loads of money in China just last week and how they knew some IAS officer who travelled with him to Germany or some crap like that. I say, they don't give a damm at that office. They'll take your form. Laugh while reading it, blow their nose next to their table. Drink some water and stamp your passport. Just like that.

Then why the fuck should cut work, stand in a queue, make small talk and all that jazz? Fuck the system.

Anyways, after a long 3 hours of standing that I am not used to doing (come on, its not like I stand for 3 hours at a stretch, everyday. What the fuck am I? A farm animal?) I get near that prison gate that they have at the side of the passport to enter the place and go and meet the officer when that Policeman (who btw is friends with all the 20 mother fuckers who surrounded me at 8:30 in the morning) stops me at that gate saying "Saar, irii, full iddhay". That basically means, "Wait you dimwit, its full". I obey!

Suddenly one of those shady 20 guys brings one ugly man who wants to get some PPC done at the office and says "Namavaruu" to the police man and suddenly the policeman takes his finger, points it at the sky, shakes his hips and takes that man inside while I, and the other 80 people are still waiting our turn. Now hold on there mister, what the fuck was that I said to myself. When I asked that cop what the fuck he just did, he said, he had come earlier and that he had gone out to buy or xerox something and that I could go in as well before I made more noise and started something that would affect his moral job. I just laughed, went it, told that ugly man to stand behind me, else I would report the matter to the Passport Officer on top and he just moved. So, those 20 mother fuckers do work. They can pull strings apparently.

Anyways, so i just stood in another queue for sometime. Now the old man was telling the software engineers about property rates in Devanhalli. Those guys must be cursing the guy in English, which I am sure he don't understand too well judging by the superb English he was entertaining them with. In any case, some 20 minutes of waiting later, I am told to show my papers to this man who sticks an orange sticker on my form and tells me to go and sit down and wait for my token number to be called.

That happens in excatly another 10 minutes. I go there and tell this other man at Counter 8A that I wanted to get my passport photograph changed and also have the new passport reflect my new address and the man tells me that it'll take 40 days.

40 fuckin days to change a photograph and issue it with a new address, which btw I've got an affidavit for and also submitting originals of a telephone bill and the Ration Card that has my name on it as well. But no, 40 fucking days.

I don't have 40 fucking days. Is there anything else I can do, I say.
Sure he says. Tatkaal or some crap like that.
I said yeay, tatkaal it is. Work me the deal will ya mister.
He says, wait... in a hush hush tone.

Then he gives all my papers to another lady sitting behind him and says "Tatkaal"
She looks at me, looks at the papers, writes some stuff, looks at me, leaves the small enclosure, walks up a staircase, comes back, sits down, looks at me, looks at another one of my papers (my offer letter from a Univ abroad), looks at her water bottle, looks at me, adjusts her glasses, speaks to her friend - the guy who put that orange sticker on my application, looks at me, writes something in Zulu on the last page of my application and says "Gs mez Jass Maiah" or some crap like that.

I say, "Uh??"

That man who said tatkaal in that hush hush tone to her says "Go meet the Asst. Passport Officer". Phew, I say and ask for directions. He points upward. I take the stairs. Get to the Asst. Passport Officers office and do the formalities.

This man is the only dignified man in the whole office. Alteast so it seemed. He spoke very well. Signed my form. Told me to come on the 5th and to collect my new passport.
DONE.

I say thank you. He says, go down and pay the Tatkaal fees. I obey!

I went down. The cow who kept looking at me told me that I have to pay 2,500 bucks cause it was Tatkaal. I obeyed.

2,500 bucks to change a passport photograph, which I paid and got clicked at a GK Vale in bangalore with my money. 2,500 bucks to issue a black booklet with a few sheets of paper in a days time.

Really, who the fuck are we kidding. The fucking retards at that office need that much money to move their asses and finish it in 2 days time. Else, it takes 40 days apparently.

Getting from the queue to the counter = 3 hours
Getting the actual work done = 20 mins max

Money cant buy me love. It sure can buy me a new passport with a new photograph and my new address. Yay!
Fuck the system.
I obey!

Welcome Aboard!

2006-06-09T06:02:00.000-07:00

Ok, so this post is for a friend who's been waiting to read this for a while and is at home doing nothing and is getting some much needed rest (I guess)

This is a pretty outdated post, but I've been meaning to write about this crappy airline for a while now. Just haven't found the time. Now, I used to fly pretty often to Mumbai and back on work, almost 2-3 times a week. I would be out of town on work most of the time cause the industry that I work for demands that we travel a lot.

Anyways, I've never ever flown Indian Airlines before the dreaded day that I didn't manage to catch any other plane back home and had to fly with the airline only cause I had important material to get back to the office the same night. I wouldn't have really had a problem with Air Deccan even, but IA is an airline that I'll stay away from after what happened on that fateful night.

So there I was, done with my work and it was some 7:30 in the night and I had an open ticket booked on IA cause the rest of the planes were full and had already left. The fine folk at my office apologized profusely for giving me a ticket on IA instead of any other airline, but then again, its not their fault. All the other airlines were booked to the brim and had already taken off as I mentioned earlier.

I went to their counter and my flight was at some 8:30 types. I waited in the queue for a while and then got my boarding pass. I requested for a seat on the Emergency Exit, which btw all the other airlines I have flown wouldn't have any problem giving to me cause I am bloody tall, this airline refused. I am almost sure it wasn't full and I was like one of the first 20 people to collect my boarding pass, yet that bitch sitting across the counter, who I am sure was eating paan on the sly, didn't like my face or my hair or something and just refused to budge. So I settled for a seat right behind the emergency exit which is seat no. 13 on most airlines again since I couldn't fight that fat ugly cow with blood red lips.

After a while, having just picked up something to eat from that ONE STALL that they have at the airport for some ridiculous amount of money, I look up and notice that there is a 30 minute delay mentioned next to the IA Flight to bangalore. I looked outside the huge glass panes that they have there are terminal 1A and I could see that our plane had landed and I kept wondering what really caused the delay. None the less, I called the office to inform them that they should send the cab a good hour late cause of the delay.

It was approximately 9, when that stupid guard at the exit door yelled out that the plane was ready to board or whatever crap. So all of us got up and went and parked our asses on the planes in our respective seats. Everyone began to sweat. Now that's odd, aint it? Your not supposed to fucking sweat on an airline cause they have the airconditioning working. Now I am no snobby bitch or any of that jazz and will even sleep on the floor if I have to, but don't expect me to sit in a fucking capsule for 1½ hours with everyone from Mr. Fat-Pig-Businessman from Pune to some other dickwart from Ahmedabad eating their meals and breathing/farting/burping/whateverthefucking inside the same capsule as me. I mean, its not like I could slide open the windows or something. The plane was a fucking time bomb waiting to explode cause of all theperspiringg and dirty smells of people taking off their shoes on the plane (which btw is another thing that pisses me off a lot about Mumbai flights back home)

I called the air hostess, another one of those fat ugly cows whodon'tt even deserve to sellpharmaceuticalss at Cash Pharmacy came up to me and asked me what the matter was. As if shedidn'tt fucking already know. Anyways, so i told her, "pardon me for calling you, but if youdon'tt already notice, it is getting rather hot in here. Could you maybe have the airconditioning turned to a lower temperature maybe" to which she said, "I'll let the captain know". Oh wise decision bitch. Instead of having him fly the fucking plane, get him outside the cabin to fix the airconditioning.

Anyways, after a while, while we were stuck in a traffic jam on the taxiway, everyone began to fan themselves with the free DNA newspapers that they scam at the airport. Everyone began to complain and the captain got on the radio and announced to all of us in a bold and very clear voice. He said, "Good evening passengers" - (fuck your good evening and just get on with it you dickwart, its getting hotter by the minute and wedon'tt like it), "we are having some technical problems with the airconditioning" - (fuck yeah, its not working maybe) "Once we areairbornee, it should get cooler. Kindly bear with us" - (holy fucking crap, he's even more psycho than that fat cow. He's going to come out and open all our windows or break them down with his fancy Indian Airlines belt buckle)

Everyone burst out laughing cause it was hilarious. Everyone wondered why in this world we all even decided to fly with them. I mean how in this living world could they justify taking off with a technical problem? What if the air conditioning blew the fucking engines and we burst into flames cause of their technical problem? They (the IA people inside our aircraft)didn'tt seem to mind. They were too busy heating coffee and dinner. I am sure everyone fastened their seat belts nice and tight and said a prayer.

Nowdon'tt get me wrong, I most certainly hate this airline andwouldn'tt suggest any of you fly it. It just sucks beyond compare and the food is a good 4 days old, no matter who you are and how much money you've paid for your ticket. For the life of me, I promised that day that I'll walk to Mumbai if i have to, but never put up with them ever again!

Them fucking cows.. I am sure haracry is one of those fat ugly air hostesses!
hehe

Wannabes!!

2006-06-03T12:25:00.000-07:00

I went for a show yesterday. Some stupid show that featured a band from another country that I'd never heard of before or some crap like that. What a bummer of a show. First, I didn't want to go but was made to go after some EB [read: emotional blackmail for the uninitiated]. Second, there was only one cool band that was going to get to play for 20 minutes and that was the ONLY saving grace, except maybe for the samosas.

I reached there just when the first band was getting off stage. Not much talent in them. Thought they were ok ok types. Good drummer. Nice skills he's got there. Made the music from the band sound much better, like my drummer friend pointed out to me. Next was the band that I had gone there to watch and they rocked as usual. Started off with Perfect Strangers. Almost covered it to the nail. Thought the guitar was a bit of a let down, but all in all, you cant blame them for a near perfect show. Thoroughly enjoyable.

Then came on this band which I didn't quite understand. Now right from the spelling of their name to their playing skills, I thought this band was pseudo from the word go, pleasing all those boys and girls who had turned up in a multitude of very colorful t-shirts and savrovski laden jeans. 90% of whom were northy I am sure. We Bangalore folk like to go to a rock show dressed appropriately. Not turn it into a disco and break into song and dance at the given opportunity. Which mind you, the band did as well.

Now, I have nothing against the band personally, but the way they acted on stage was just so totally screwed up. I mean the lead vocalist is a good guy. Brilliant vocals too. Think he does a mighty impressive job with another local band here in Bangalore. But with what he did on stage yesterday, my image of the dude has completely changed. I am guessing its the same case of "The band bogged him down". I couldn't care less. Hopping around like your from one of them KorN bands just don't bake my cookie for me. I am sure that wasn't the intent either, so lets leave him out of the equation.

They tried to cover some songs. They failed. I hated their rendition of almost all the covers they did and one of their own compositions had just 6 chord changes in all and sounded like an ad jingle you'd hear on Radio City. Now I am no technical kind of guy when it comes to music. I'll listen to anything that sounds good. But this band didn't. Sure they got a whole bunch of them to throw their hands up in the air and yell "Oh Oh Oh" and shit, but lets have them rave about these guys on their blogs.

What totally made me loose it though is when I saw that drummer boy fellow stand up and pretend to be Portnoy. He even had a scarf around his head which I am sure he'll tell you is a BANDANA. Anyways, its not. Its a scarf. So everytime he's done playing one of his 4 x 4's, he'll stand up, stick his tongue out like Portnoy used to and roll his sticks for a while. Sure man, do all that shit if you have the skills to match. Why only run half the race no? Why not go all the way and play like him too? Seriously, this guy lacked any skill at all. Big guy, tall dude too. Belted the crap out of them poor animal skins and just made a lot of noise. No music. They finished their set and all and just then, the MOST AMAZING THING IN THE WORLD HAPPENED. The dumb ass rhythm guitarist unplugged his guitar, came to the center of ramp and destroyed that instrument man.

Lets take another close look at that now, shall we? Assuming that he broke the guitar he was using on stage, it was a nice piece. Made for a good sound too. Assuming that it'd cost anywhere between him selling his teeth to his kidney, its fair to say that someone from his family purchased it for him. And he goes and does that to his instrument? I mean really man, you aint in no trance or some shit. Your not like tripping and smoking good. And even if you were, it wouldn't justify what you did to your instrument. That just goes to show how immature you really are. If any one of us were to ask him why he did what he did, I am sure he'd have no explanation. Fair enough to say that he doesn't owe us one, but then again, its a guitar. Its not meant to be broken. Sure, when you join Nirvana, make a couple of a million yourself playing your fingers off to some grunge music, then feel free to break your old ones (which btw I still think is very very lame and even hate The Who for doing it) But your not no?

The truth of the matter is that your here in Bangalore. Not making music that sells. Not making enough money off music to put food in your mouth and not running your life around music. So don't do shit like that to your instrument man. Take it home. Keep it in that box. Give it to your kid. He'll probably make something of it that you never did.

Like my friend rightly pointed out just a minute back, no musician would want to destroy his instrument. But then again, we never said the guy who did just that yesterday was one in the first place.

VH1 on the other hand did some kickass video sequences that looped on the mammoth 4+1 projectors that they'd setup. Good sound. Good company. Crappy music. Pfft, I need to get out of the country and watch myself a Dave Matthew's concert.

Hold

2006-06-01T12:55:00.000-07:00

I was just going to blog about this a while ago when my friend began talking to me about it and thus delayed it by a few minutes. No problems though. I still remember it properly mins properly.

So everytime I call someone from my cell phone, they have this uncanny knack of putting you on hold. Now I have no clue how they figure your calling from the cell phone, but they do and they always manage to put you on hold, for a very long period of time let me add.

When you call from the land line, it almost never happens. But you call from the cell phone and they have to put you on hold. Its like something up there tells them that your calling from the cell phone and they know how much its going to hurt your bill when they put you on hold.

Now the stupid fuck that I am, I always call one agency that is helping me get my butt out of the country from my cell phone. They have a land line. I pay some 2 bucks a minute to the land line. Now the daft fuckers over there have no fucking ethics. They've done plenty of things wrong which has contributed to quite a bit of stress otherwise also let me add, but today stole the cake. I called their LANDLINE up from my cell phone as usual hoping to get a quick answer so that I could be on my way doing my own work. So that receptionist picks up the phone and says "Hello BLAH BLAH, how can I help you" and I said "May I please speak with ABC" and she says .. "hold on a minute" and didn't even let me tell her that I was calling from my cell phone. So, since I had no other choice, I just waited. Unfortunately for me, it wasn't a minute. But over four. Then she comes back on the line and says "OMG, I am so sorry, your still here. Hold on, let me transfer you" and I said "Oh thanks a lot. Please be quick though" trying to be as polite as possible.

She takes another 30 seconds and picks up the phone again and says "May I ask what this is regarding", to which I said "Umm, she asked me to call her. Could you please just transfer the call" and she said "Oh ok.. one moment" and put me on fucking hold again. Now some good 5 minutes had gone ok. That's a grand total of 10 bucks on just holding the fucking line without getting any of my work done. I wont bother with what happened next cause there's no point.

The point though is that situations like this put you off a little bit. Firstly cause you cant tell that person your calling from the cell phone and losing quite a bit of money holding the line cause then they'll end up thinking that your cheap or whatever whatever and secondly cause I don't have a landline, I don't have a fucking choice.

I just don't get this point of holding the line. Either they should be able to help you or do your work for you on the spot as you speak to them and finish with the conversation as soon as possible or ask you to call back. I hate waiting and listening to some crappy WAITING TUNES. They suck as hell and wasting money holding the line totally pisses me off.

And Blu, thanks for the laughs mate. Hahaha! You had it worse than me.

Laugh Club

2006-05-25T13:19:00.000-07:00

OMG!!
I just cant deprive you guys of all the fun I am having right now, watching this video that my friend uploaded onto You Tube.

I dont do this often. I mean, I dont drift away from the idea behind the blog and post or link up people, but this definitely deserves to be watched, atleast by all my readers. Consider it a thanks-for-coming-by-and-visiting gift.

More importantly thanks to Wally for putting up the video and thanks to Susu and Sadia for sharing the video. You guys are the punk!

CLICK HERE FOR THE VIDEO
[again thanks to wally for uploading it]

Special thanks to the fourth lady (the one standing right in front of the giggling younger girls) who does the best fucking MOBILE LAUGH IN THE PLANET. You rule ma`am!!
Thanks for all the laughs. This will keep me laughing for life.
Beats that Eef You Come Today video anyday.

I promise I am going to try and organise something so all of us can go there and be a part of this, atleast once. Everyone interested, drop me a line.

doctorpissed at gmail dot com

Ad Hic

2006-05-24T09:56:00.000-07:00

I mean, is it just me or is there something that is offensive about that ad?
Now before we start, please be sure to use the mull accent to pronounce the word COKE cause I am sure 83% of McCann is Mull and only they'll get the pun. Anyways, moving right along, BIG FUN with the BIG COKE!!

I mean really, do we have to stoop so low? I am not trying to make something out of nothing. The fact that its been happening a lot is pissing the shit out of me. First I noticed this ad the other day as I went to meet a friend alright. Now, sure, I am all for visual communication and all, but if you actually look at that hoarding from a very customer centric standpoint, its got shit loads of pun thrown into it with all the UPPER CASE, lower case communication style and to top it all off, you've got Ash sucking on a bottle of cock, umm, coke!

Thats just wrong man. Its cheap and it aint funny even. What other sort of fun could they fucking be talking about? The fun that one derives from sucking on a glass bottle? Umm.. what else? The fun that those red vectors seem to indicate - NOT. Umm, what else? NOTHING. Cause its a bad ad with bad taste. Call me old fashioned, but good ads with a good punch line, as offensive as they are, are always GOOD ads. This one just sucks and makes absolutely no sense. The copy guy fucked up big time and the graphic guy just sat there, ate peanuts and came up with the idea of the sucking image. Fucking dumbasses.

Remember the Kingfisher hoardings that were ruling our skies a few months ago? The one on M.G. Road was as interesting as hell. They had one of those ugly looking air hostesses (which by the way is the only other thing I hate about Kingfisher. The other thing is that they don't serve Fresh Lime like on Jet) holding her hand up like she was indicating super by putting her index finger over her thumb and the other fingers pointing towards the sky. Much like how you'd make a dog's face impression when there is now power and you have to make do with the candle. In her other hand, she had a miniature scale model of one of those Kingfisher aircrafts and again, call me old fashioned, but the image was YUCKY!! Like she's trying to do something with the aircraft and the hole. Fucking stupid graphics.

Remember the Titan Ad. Sure it was cool as hell and we all 20 year olds loved it and even used that "ooohh yess sirr" once or twice to get it on with someone, but damm man, imagine those hormones of them 13 year olds. Those kids who are just about figuring out that Junior does more than just go pee pee and all. What the fuck are they going to make of the ad? Again, I loved the ad, but it wasn't in good taste, not when the whole demographic is concerned. Its not like we have TV ratings that are followed or any of that crap. All of them 13 year olds watch Baywatch and all that shit. Sure!! But why swim with the rest of them when you can fly solo and stay out of the water man? I say, don't stoop so low. Come up with creative, intelligent copy. Screw the sexual connotation all the fucking time. There's more to advertising than just Sex. But really, who am I kidding?

Like these, there have been enough instances when we, the people remotely associated with the Ad World, have had to just put our heads down in shame. Not because we're all doing something wrong, but because some of us just have bad taste. I wonder who approves of these ads? Don't they go through Censor Certification like the films do? How about the CD's and all at the agency. I mean really, don't they give a damm?

Infact the other day, I was at the movies watching the most fucked up movie of last month, The Pink Panther, which is thought was a total waste of my money. To add to my misery, there were shit loads of northie and southie kids, more northie than southie who'd stand up from their seats and start laughing like dickheads all the time. Then they'd scream, "mummy, who kya tha mummy?" (which is how I concluded more northie than southie) But really though, shut the fuck up and watch the movie kid. You fucking dickwart. No one gives a crap if you understood the movie or not. Just shut the fuck up and thank your lucky starts you were brought to the movies in the first place. Dumbasses.

Anyways, so I was there, bored out of my skull within the first 3 minutes of the movie, sulking as usual. Next to me was a kid, one of them pesky 13 year olds who came to the movies with his elder sister and her friend. The elder sister, nor her friend sat next to me and made that dumbass sit next to me. I didn't mind though. They weren't any hot looking or anything. As my money was getting burnt on screen, there was this scene where that guy who looked like the Naked Gun fellow was trying to get this french chick off a table cause she couldn't jump down like the rest of the women from the rest of the world, cause she's french. So he asks her to climb over his shoulders to get down. Don't ask me why. They thought that would be funny I guess. They ultimately get into a position where the naked gun fellow lookalike has his face right in that french woman's *ahem ahem* and then prance around the room pretending not to be able to dismount one another. So suddenly the dumbass 13 year old who was just laughing cause the rest of the movie hall was laughing for god knows what fucking reason decided that it was time to make his sister and her friend feel totally awkward. So he stood up, turned to them and said "Umm, what happened just now? Why was that funny?" Now clearly, sister dearest or her friend couldn't explain and were totally put in a very uncomfortable situation. They just tried to laugh it off which made it even worse. Thanks to the dumbass 13 year old though, I atleast had some fun.

Sometime later in the movie, it happened again though. The Naked Gun fellow pops one of them Viagra pills, or rather tries to pop one of them pills when it accidently slips into the commode (oh how funny) and then he rips the whole bathroom apart trying to get to it. So after laughing like a dickwart again, the 13 year old stands up and asks his sister "Umm, what was that? Why was he looking for it, why why?" to which his sister replied, "It was nothing. Just like that"

Muhahahaha get the whole deal now?
I am saying, that Pink Panther movie wasn't meant for those kids. If it was, it sucked. If it was meant for people like me and my friends, then it still sucked cause it wasn't funny. Just get your target audience right and make sure they see it. Simple

I hate cock anyways. I am a pepsi fan! They make good Pepsi ads too (international ones atleast)

Screw the Spellings!

2006-05-22T11:05:00.000-07:00

Oh really, for fucks sake, spelling mistakes?
Its all been adding up lately. I could care less for spelling mistakes really. Yet people make it a point to point them out. Especially when your chatting with someone. I mean really, who gives a fucking crap!!

We're chatting for crying out loud. As long as you can understand what I am "trying" to tell you, who cares if I spelt the world encyclofuckingpedia wrong? Fucking mother fuckers have to make it a point to tell you that your wrong.

Sure its wrong to like make a spelling mistake in a written test or an exam or something, but on CHAT? You've got to fucking be kidding me. Now quickly, all you spelling freaks out there, tell me fastly fast that there is no such word as "fastly". FUCK YOU!!

I've had it up to here with all you dimwits. Like my friend says, "The point behind language is communication" and I tend to agree with her. So fuck the spellings and just get on with whatever business you have online. And I promise i'll make it a point to use a spell check everytime I apply for a job or write an exam!
I hope my spell checker is a hot ass chick.. woohoo..

The World Was Created by the Devil

2006-05-10T04:18:00.000-07:00

Fuck this world man. No, really, FUCK THIS WORLD!!!

Now, I was just thinking to myself yesterday when I was riding my bike and it all fell into place for me. Nothing really sparked this thought off, but for fucks sake, it all fell into place. Atleast for me. If any of you guys are religious and all that jazz, stop yourself from reading on. I am just ranting cause I want to and don't want to offend anyone.

Going by the theory of intelligent design and all that blah blah, this world was made by God. Now, if you and I were to believe that shit, then why the fuck would God want to do this to us man. I mean come on now really. If you guys have noticed, 90% of all the things that you want, like, desire are always BAD FOR YOU. I mean what kind of a sadist of an intelligent designer would do something like that to us?

Right from the beginning of time, out of all the things that God had to forbid Adam and Eve to eat, he choose the apple. The ripe sweet awesome looking apple. Not the crappy green yucky cabbage or any of that jazz. He had to choose the apple. Obviously Adam couldn't take it anymore and plunged on the apple the minute he got the chance. And that my friend was termed a sin. Yeah my fucking ass!! He just ate the apple cause he wanted to. God damm it!! [hehe, god damm it I said, hehehe]

Anyways, moving right along, like I said earlier, everything that you really want is bad for you. Like that hot chick you see one day and you know she's right for you on one hand. On the other, you know if you took her home and introduced her to your mother, one glance of her sleeveless top and those sexy tight Levis L-530's or whatever it is those hot women wear with their shades and their ciggies and your mom will forbid you from ever meeting her. Even sweet mum's like mine will show doubt in their eyes when meeting people like this, although you know for a fact that she's right for you, common sense and everyone around you will warn you with crap like "she's bad for you man/dude/beta/son/whateverthefuck"

You want to have a fucking ice cream just when it begins to get hot and that's also bad for you. Sure it'll end up messing around with your fucking system and will give you a terrible cold just when summer starts, but for fucks sake, if you want to eat an ice cream, you should be allowed to, without people telling you not to have it. You want to get wet in the first rains and you'll hear someone or the other yelling "Dont get wet in the rain".

How about those nice looking chips? Or a Twix bar just before you hit the sack. We all know you want it, but can you have it? NO YOU FUCKING DIMWIT, you cant.

In all honesty, FUCK YOU!!! [to that inner voice]

I can go on and on about this fucking shit and it'll only end up pissing me off more and more. All I goto conclude is, if God wanted us to be living happily, he wouldn't have made sure that all the things we love the most are the things that end up being BAD for us. Now that just doesn't equate right, like 2 and 2 make 5 or something.

POMS - The Mother of All Piss Offs

2006-05-03T02:14:00.000-07:00

Pom·er·a·ni·an (pŏm'ə-rā'nē-ən, -rān'yən)
n.

Any of a breed of small dogs having long silky hair, a foxlike face, pointed ears, and a hairy ail curling over the back. These dogs are the Mother of All Piss Offs the world over. Shoot everyone of them at sight and dont think twice about cutting them into small pieces either.

I think thats more than enough no? Fucking mother fucking bastard breed of a dog only these Poms are. They dont deserve to live on our planet. They need a planet of their own. I am officially issuing a "Kill the mother fuckers warrant" against all living Poms. Each and everyone of you reading this blog is free to kill as many poms as you guys sight and are free to point to this website and the "Kill the Mother Fuckers Warrant" that is in bold letters after doing so if questioned.

They dont serve a purpose. They arent cute. Thus they cant be pets. They cant be guard dogs if they can be run over by a bicycle. What the fuck are they going to guard? Their balls? They have this annoying face that no one can stand. They also have the worst bark in dog land. I mean really, who the fuck gives a damm about their worthless lives? NO ONE. Thus I say, kill them all.

Today as I was coming back home, this small little twit of an animal they call a Pom came running out a gate and charging at my leg. Since I was riding and wearing nice Converse Floaters, i kicked the mother fucker in the face. Then i stopped the bike, had a huge argument with his owner and told him to keep this dog tied to his gate else I am just going to run him over with my bike. He didnt even bother asking me why. I think he knew the answer already!!

In all fairness to the breed, I am not going to rant about them any further. I just think this breed of dog is by far the biggest piss off in the planet.

Bad Luck!

2006-04-27T10:46:00.000-07:00

Bad luck just sucks don't it?
Been running through some pretty shitty luck lately which just brought me about to question myself. I actually sat and thought for a while on a trip to a beach resort recently (which also explains the delay in updating my blog) about me. Thought about if I was a bad person and deserved all the darned luck I was getting off late with everything that I did.

For fucks sake, its been bad. Else it wouldn't be pissing me off this bad.
On this trip alone, I've had more bad luck than in the last 5 years. Or maybe I am just more conscious about it now cause I was thinking about all the "bad luck" so much. Whatever it was, it was pissing me off.

The minute we got into the Beach Resort called Turtle Bay - which by the way happens to be one the most brilliant places in Karnataka, second only to Devbagh in Karwar maybe, everyone checked into their rooms. To my luck, we got the last fucking room with a low roof. Now, not only was the fucking fan making enough noise to compete with my dad's snoring, the fucking fan just refused to cool the room. We even kept the mother fucking door and the windows open, yet, no fucking cool air in the room.

Anyways, I didn't want to fight it, so I just went out and slept on one of those hard cement things shaped like a fucking bed. It was hard, but the sea breeze made it all feel good. The morning came and we all jumped into the water. Now I aint a very good swimmer, but I get around. To my, or rather our bad luck, it was a day before "Amawase" which basically translates into "no moon day" or something like that. The waves were pretty rough, but that isn't the bad luck bit I am talking about. It was nothing that any average joe couldn't handle. To my luck though, everytime I jumped into the water, after about 2-3 minutes, I'd get stuck between 2 waves with a strong undercurrent and would be pulled down and sucked right in. I'd only come out of the water a few seconds later with enough salt water in my stomach, eyes, nose and ears. Trust me, the feeling aint that good. Now if it happened once, I'd shun it off as nothing significant. It happened more than 4 times, each time only after I got into the water. I mean, come on, I cant have that much bad luck.

It was evening now. Everyone ordered for something to drink. Most of them settled for Coffee/tea cause that's what they wanted. I don't drink Coffee or Tea so I asked for a Fresh Lime Juice cause that's something that I like. He said they didn't have Limes. So I asked for some Tender Coconut Water. He said no to that as well. All he had was Watermelon and Chickoo Juice, both of which I hate to the core. Sheeeeeeeeeeeeesh!!

Couple all that with a driver with shit loads of bad attitude and trust me, you cant attribute it to anything else but bad luck, which by the way, pisses me off to the core.

All in all though, barring all the bad luck, it was one sexy LONGGGGGGGGGGGG overdue holiday that I needed very badly.
Cheers to some good fun with the family.

Oh! The Pains..

2006-04-15T13:02:00.000-07:00

I thought I'll take a swing at what was happening in the city over the last couple of days, but I knew the job was meant for people with greater abilities of expressing the sentiments of the average bangalorean to dig into the Raj Kumar issue, so I stayed away and waited for them to put up their post. Read it, totally agree with it and discussed shooting all the mother fuckers down with my friends as well. That is the only way. Kill the bastards.

Then I thought I'll take a swing at the guy who took a swing at me in my last post. Under the comments section. Some dickhead who doesn't deserve another mention, nor a link. Decided against it cause it wasn't worth my time or my blog space.

But the other thing that has been pissing me off over the last few days was my trip to the dentist. First of all, I hate dentists. I hate the idea of going to the dentist cause I have no happy associations with the visit to the dentist. I am guessing no one does. I hate the pain, the sound, the everything about the dentist.

To my bad luck though, I haven't been taking care of my teeth lately. I've been eating junk food late in the night, not brushing before going to bed and waking up late, all which lead me to have 4 cavities and the need to get 1 root canal. Obviously, I tried to find the best dentist possible and with folks from the hospital line, that wasn't a problem. I managed to track down a very good consultant who was consulting at a hospital in Indiranagar who worked under my dad for sometime.

Now, don't get me wrong. He sure is good at his craft. But the problem was, he suggested that I let him use a Root Canal Specialist to get my root canal done and then he'd move on to filling my cavities and taking care of the rest of my dental ailments. I agreed. [read: the biggest mistake of my life]

The irony of the situation is, the mother fucking specialist ended up screwing up my fucking tooth even more than it actually was. Let me tell you guys what happened. I went to the dentist on Friday. The bastard gave me a local anesthetic to numb the pain and started drilling my tooth. He then took small metal pins and started digging out my nerve. From the way he was going, I obviously assumed he was good at it. He ended up cleaning and irrigating my canal (as gross as that sounds) in 15 minutes flat. With very little pain I might like to add. I was amazed and truely believed he was a specialist and was thankful to the doctors who suggested I get it done with him. Then he called me over to his table and said, "I'll see you on Tuesday and we'll complete it then. I'll put the permanent filling then". He then sent me packing.

I was so happy to get out of there that soon. It began hurting a little, but nothing severe. Nothing that I couldn't take. A day went by and my whole mouth started to ache like mad. I thought it was pain that I was supposed to deal with and didn't bother with it. That night, I couldn't sleep cause my mouth was hurting that bad. In the morning, I called the doctor at the hospital (the good consultant - not the specialist) and told him, "Doc, I am having this fucked up pain in my mouth and the tooth that the specialist did the RC on it just too fucking sensitive. What the fuck is happening?". He said, "Oh, just go get yourself these antibiotics and these pain killers and come see me tomorrow"

NOTICE, I was fucking prescribed the antibiotics 2 whole days after my RC. It slipped my mind too, but then I realized I wasn't prescribed any medication. I mean come on. They fucking drilled my teeth with metal, the dug the canal with metal and obviously there is no need to prescribe any antibiotics. ITS NOT LIKE IT'LL GET INFECTED OR ANYTHING. Mother fuckers, ofcourse it will. The infection spread to my gums even and that's why I couldn't bear the pain or sleep anymore.

I rushed to the hospital on Tuesday morning and my friend the specialist was there. I told him I am having severe pains and he said "Ahh, sit down, let me take a look". I was tempted to say "Fuck you mother fucker", give him the finger and say "take a look at this, why don't you, you fucking son of a fat cow", but I restrained and sat down on that cool dentist bed kind of thing. He gave me a local anesthetic shot and dug out the temporary filling and tried to remove whatever pus and infection that was there in my tooth. He managed to get out quite a bit before my tooth started to ache again. He gave me another shot of local and tried digging again. It still fucking hurt like mad. He gave me another shot. No luck. He took an X-Ray. Made me wait a while. The X-Ray came back and he said something in his oh-I-am-a-doctor-and-I-can-whisper kind of way to the other docs in the room and said "I'll just prescribe you some new antibiotics and some pain killers and some other medication to confuse the shit out of you so that you wont sue my ass and come meet me on Tuesday next" and he quickly left the room and made me leave too before I could say CADBURY.

I mean, just to get you guys to understand what kind of pain I was in, 1 local anesthetic administered and they should be able to knock off all my teeth in the stipulated region with a hammer and I shouldn't feel a thing. They gave me 3 and it still hurt. Fucking bastardddddd!!!

Apparently the infections spread to my gums. The pains still there. Its been 9 whole days, 24 tabs of Mox-LB, 12 tabs of Inac and a couple of Ketorals thrown in there to knock me cold at nights and it still fucking hurts. If this doesn't go away and even by mistake if the bastard doc ends up being a northy-residing-in-bangalore, no prizes for guessing what I am going to be doing with him...

-------------------

On another note though, if you guys dont already read these two blogs, you should. Good fun!

1. The Bangalore Torpedo
2. Silverine

Aww Hanimals

2006-04-03T10:24:00.000-07:00

Now I aint no Animals Rights Activist or anything, but there are somethings that make me sad and cruelty towards harmless animals pisses the life out of me.

I just don't see the point behind hurting an animal that is harmless. Not that i am advocating that we go around hurting the animals that are harmful, but then again, you get what I am trying to say.

Just this morning, when i was traveling toward Koramangala, I saw this poor horse man. Both his front limbs and his hind limbs were tied together with a rope. Tightly even. So tight that the poor animal could barely move. I didn't have the courage, nor the blade to chop that rope off, but the damm visual left me thinking. I was just wondering why someone would do such a thing. Like if his owner didn't want him to run away or something, he should have fastened him to a tree or something. Fed him well and tied him up in his backyard or something. Why do something so criminal that the animal has to suffer so much. In the hot sun! God damm it. That just sucked for that poor horse. He couldn't even move his legs forward without it hurting.

Now that might just be a one off incident, but i am sure as hell there are tonnes of such incidents out there that we're not privy to. I say, death to all the mother fuckers ill-treating animals for no fault of theirs. I cant write anymore on the subject. It pisses me off terribly. Damm it.
Poor horse.

State of Bangalore

2006-04-01T10:01:00.000-08:00

Yeah my ass..
I just got done watching this show on CNN IBN about 30 minutes back with this rather stupid mediocre title "State of Bangalore" which was a show that focused on the issues that have been troubling the city over the last few years, northies being one of them I might like to add as tactfully included in the list by the producers of the show made sure. It was more of an open discussion with a host and a few panelists which included our YENG Chief Minister, a few other dimwits and one smart man who runs Janaagraha. Some interesting points that man brought out.

Anyways, moving right along. I was really frustrated with the views of some of the mother fuckers on the show. Especially that Kannada Dude who wanted to rename bangalore to bengaluru just for kicks apparently. He wanted Bangalore to get in touch with and identify with Bengaluru and that was his stupid wart of a reason. Now really, what sense does that make? It just doesn't make any fucking sense to me. A name is a name. Leave it at that. I doubt even if we were to go ahead with the name change, it would really make a big difference to any one of us. You think all of us are going to adhere to it? I really doubt it. Whats going to happen after that? They'll send out the Speaking Police to monitor how we use the word Bangalore in everyday speech? I honestly don't fancy saying Bengaluru that much in a nice well laid down English sentence. Why? Cause it just doesn't fit. Like how it'd be for me to tell the waiter at Pecos - "Get me some kadlaykai masala please." To me, Bengaluru is just a kannada version of the real name of Bangalore and I'll identify with it to a certain extent and definitely not use it in everyday English Speech.

Moving right along, other important issues were brought up. Like closing the bars and pubs down at 11:30. Now although I don't really agree with Rohit Barkers statements, cause I know he messed up pretty big time with his questions to the panel, but what the mother fucker replied was just annoying to the core. Rohit Barker's point was basically that we should be allowed to dance and party as long as we want to, which I totally agree with btw, to which one mother fucker who's name I didn't bother noting down or remembering said - "You are free to dance at home till 3 in the morning if you want to". Now really, who in this god forsaken fucking world is he to tell anyone that? If the fucking pubs and dance floors were allowed to be kept open beyond 11:30, we'd be drinking and dancing there. Now if he doesn't want to come and drink and dance with us and wants to sit at home and party, so be it for him. But stopping someone from doing something that is doing absolutely no harm than what the root of the problem is actually causing makes no sense to me. Allow me to explain. Just cause the bars and pubs are closed at 11:30 does not necessarily mean that the people will stop drinking. They'll fucking finish drinking at the bars and then head home and drink man. Or they'll just find a new high in the needles, the weed and the coke. Simple solutions to difficult problems. I most certainly say. So don't go around telling me that its better that they close the place down at 11:30. Its not. If you don't want to be a part of the culture, like I choose not to, then don't be. But don't stop someone from having their SHARE OF FUN in their own RIGHTFUL WAY without them hurting or stepping on your social shoes. Really, what difference does it make to me or you sitting at home if there's someone partying in Spinn right now as you are reading this post (considering that its 12:00 in the morning). Absolutely nothing. And trust me, road accidents aren't going to account for the shut down either.

From what I hear, the cops are fucking out of their mind, a Police Raj if you please after 11:00 in the night. I've heard stories ranging from people being chased and abused in kannada to taking people in just cause they had a beer mug on their table next to their dinner plates at 11:35 pm. Which just goes to show how low-life the people in power that be can sink to and that just disgusts me.

Anyways, there was this other annoying award winning prick who was hell bent on glorifying and evangelizing Kannada when he accidently said, "when i was in London studying". Ahem Mr. Mother Fucker. If you love your Bangalore so much and want to profess Kannada to the masses and master mind a name change from bangalore to bengaluru, what the fuck were you doing in London you fucking scum bag. What happened to your patriotism to the city or the country for that matter when you were apparently studying in London huh? Bangalore Univ? Chitra Kala Parikshat? Heard of these places you whorefaced dickwart.

Someone please slap him. I am getting angry.

To sum it all up though, I think we have bigger problems at hand than a stupid name change and partying beyond 11:30. Lets hope they pay attention to those "bigger" problems and we as good citizens who bribe the cops, scam the RTOs to get our fake licenses, pay our way through the BDA among other things, co-operate with them with their ROAD PLAN cause like the host of that show said and I believe, Bangalore is the only fucking city in the country that has the potential to take India to new heights that it hasn't scaled already.

Jai.

Driving ET-E-KET

2006-03-31T12:36:00.000-08:00

Post aptly titled so our northy counterparts can pronounce and understand the word, separated with hyphens to make it easier on their peanut sized brains.

What with today, I was traveling down Bannergatta Road, making my way back home on the newly laid tarmac, when I had to slow down rather drastically thanks to one northy dimwit, or a southy dimwit for that matter of fact in a northy's car [read: MH registration]. Now, what the fuck a south indian would be doing in a second hand northy car, i don't know and highly doubt that happening, so its safe to assume the driver of the car was northy as well.

So, as i slowed down behind the maathar chooth (choice of words just to make them feel more at home) the bastard politely takes the fucking cigarette he's smoking and taps the ash outside the fucking window. Now don't get me wrong, I don't complain about most of the things (hehe), but I really don't fancy a mouthful of northy cigarette ash. Now, this ant a northy bashing post or anything like that. I don't fancy a mouthful of southy cigarette ash either, but just that he was northy pissed me off that much more i am guessing.

I sped up to the dimwit, right next to the drivers window and since I was in no mood to fight, I asked him politely (again), "Umm, care to tap your ash inside the ash tray provided with your car?" to which Mr. Forgive-me-but-i-have-a-sock-stuck-up-my-ass replied, "Eh, your fathers road ahh?" to which i grumbled and replied, "YES" and he sped away.

How much of dhumm he has no? That too at 12:10 in the morning. Then i wondered to myself as i was getting back home - how stupid are these mother fuckers? I mean, do they really have any driving etiquette at all? Why would someone want to tap their ash outside their fucking cars? Why would someone want to spray their windshields with water while traveling at 40 kmph? Invariably, they all end up being northy and somehow or the other, i manage to find myself behind one of them.

I am telling you, i need to get myself a fucking gun. The time has come. I just cant let this go any further. Its time we took our city back.

Mental Arm Rest

2006-03-24T11:36:00.000-08:00

Oh man, I've really lost it for blogging eh? I know I cant write terribly well or any of that jazz, but I am the best person I know. I love myself :)

Anyways, so here's another thing that pisses me off. Your at the movie theater ok. Now you pay the same amount of money as anyone else, atleast if you went to one of those snappy Multiplexes like Inox or PVR or Innovative Multiplex or whatever. Considering that the ticket costs anywhere between 75 bucks and 150 at times, you expect to watch the movie in peace of mind.

Now let alone the million rats, lizards, cockroaches that are attracted to the 12 corn puffs that you throw down under your chair, but you've got a bigger problem at hand. If you go with your friend or friends and end up getting the last seat and it aint being a corner seat, your fucked man.

You'll engage in a mind game with the dude sitting next to you. It happens in the fucking aircrafts, it happens everywhere where there is an arm rest. What I don't get is, neither you nor the dude sitting next to you will have the courage to fucking stand up and tell you "GET YOUR FUCKING ARM OFF FUCKING THE ARM REST ALREADY YOU SON OF A BITCH WHORE. I WANT TO REST ON IT NOW".

Throughout the movie, the flight to Mumbai, you'll keep sitting there, thinking, if maybe he could move his hand up maybe by a little so you could quickly put your hand there. Trust me, I've done it and it fucking pisses the jazz out of me. The worst part is, not a word is said. Its all in the head. And both of you are consciously aware of it too.

My point is simple and I blame no one but the fucking theater authorities and the airlines and whoever else has arm rests. Make fucking bigger arm rests you dickwarts. Make two for all I care. That way, I can keep my hand and the person sitting next to me can also keep his/her hand and we can watch the movie in peace or fly to Mumbai in peace, without being bothered by such a simple thing.

But honestly, it does piss me off. A lot. If those guys are reading this, do something you bastards...

Yellaru Salute Maadi

2006-03-19T13:43:00.000-08:00

Wokay, yellaru salute maadi [translated to: everyone put salute]
Dont forget to stand up also.

Now while your at it, let me tell you guys why you are doing what your doing. Basically you are saluting our cops, cause you HAVE to. I mean come on. We all love them now, don't we?

Anyone read the papers recently? Fucking bastard cops here in bangalore end up scamming away shit loads of money, in crores, over various bank accounts, beds, sofas, drawers and other such "secret" hiding places. Whats more important is these mother fucking cops aren't put to death or anything, considering they've been scamming all our money. They are just "suspended" on our Honourable CM's word. How thoughtful.

And whats worse, one of the dickwarts is from the Fraud Branch even. Morally upright aren't we? Gee man. For once, i think we should employ punishment like they did in Saudi Arabia and all.

First we should tie Mr. Ur-I-Dont-Care-Whatever-the-fuck-his-name-is and his friends to a tree ok. Then we should basically round up everyone like you and me and we should form a semi circle around the tree. We should be given rocks of different sizes based on our height/weight/sex. We should have a leader - a jominder if you please who'll scream "throw" and we should all throw the stones given to us at these mother fuckers with the intent to hurt them as much as possible.

How much faith am i expected to have in the system after all this crap eh? And if you notice, the whole scam is already fading away. I love my India, don't we all?

____

On a lighter note, i want to look like this when I wake up tomorrow morning.

Missed me anyone?

2006-03-15T09:45:00.000-08:00

So its been a month. Thought I'll stop after 1 full year of blogging, but apparently, I cant. Got loads to write about. Lots of things have pissed me off since Feb 13th. Geez..

So, who missed me?

Lets all LiveStrong!

2006-02-13T11:01:00.000-08:00

I've been meaning to write more often, but I just havent been able to find the time. I know it kind of sucks, but when I read this blog somewhere down the line, I want to remind myself about how busy I actually was :)

Anyways, so these Livestrong bands. There have been enough talk about this all over the place, mainly here, but I cant seem to find the link to the post right now, but the whole thing is pissing me off.

I remember, quite sometime back, there was this honest endeavour that Lance Armstrong started to help fight cancer. By making bands that show support to fighting cancer and selling them for a moderate price to help sponsor cancer research, I honestly did think it was a nice effort. I also figured out that something like this existed thanks to OCC on Travel and Living where those Orange Country Choppers guys built a LiveStrong bike to support the cause as well and gave it away. Thats when I begun reading up on the subject and stuff like that.

Now, dont get me wrong. But I think all you dimwits out there who go and purchase the god damm band from a local shop or two are just fooling yourself into believing that you are cool. Sporting a genuine one also aint cool anymore.

Why?

Cause its not supposed to fucking be cool. Its not supposed to have any other significance than to indicate to the world that you are genuinely concerned about the millions of people who die due to cancer every year and are trying your best in your little way to help fight it. And if any of you reading this can consciously say that you know more than 5 people who own a band and are really bothered about the whole thing and didnt actually purchase it cause it was such a craze, I'd like for them to go visit Curie Center of Oncology or Kidwai or something if they are in Bangalore and see how they can help. Else, tell them to tear it off their arms cause its defeating the purpose.

What pisses me off even more is the number of organizations that have caught on to this idea. Lets not forget to support COURAGE, LOVE, FRIENDS among other things that are inscribed on these bands. And also the brilliant colors that I so love.

For heavens sake, if you want to ride the wagon, so be it.
Else jump off and die!

By the by, today is my blogs appy budday. Appy Budday to you, appy budday to you, appy budday dear blogggggggg, appy buddayyyyyyyyyyy to youuu!!!
And to deetee also.

Fuckwits

2006-02-06T09:43:00.000-08:00

Oh man, this totally sucks. Inzy and his boys can go suck on their thumbs for all I care.

I totally lost whatever little respect I had for the Pakistani Cricket team today. Fucking fucktards. What the fuck do they think about themselves? Really!! There are limits to which you can stretch your fucking cheapness, but to do what they did today is just not fucking acceptable. Not to the millions of us watching cricket with so much anticipation at home/office/wherever. They fucking owe us that much to entertain us. Bastards.

So today, Pakistan walk off the field with some 18 balls left needing 18 runs to win with just 3 wickets in hand. I am no huge cricket fan. I don't watch much cricket either. But throw an India-Pakistan One Day match in my face and I'll be hell interested. Don't know what it is about these cricket matches, but they never seem to stop fascinating me. Let alone me, everyone in Bangalore atleast. I just love it when an India Pak match happens. Every one stays glued to the television, eyes riveted to the television sets, small eats all stacked up nicely and in close reach and watching the match with the spirit that is innate with being Indian I guess.

And what do these fucktards from Pakistan do? Walk off the field with a lame ass excuse of Bad Light. Now give me a fucking break. I aint no rocket scientist, but it doesn't take much to pull off that scam alright. First off, Inzy 'I am a pussy" Maam is run out obstructing the field. What a fine example to set Mr. Capeetain. And then as he walks back to the dressing room, he does his filmi shit by looking up to the heavens for answers. What a bastard. I felt like whacking the shit out of the numbskull of his.

Then, as he was sitting there in his dressing room watching his team almost go down to a fighting Indian side, he quickly checked with his statisticians and figured that if he asked his "boys" to leave the field on time, they win the match by some 7 runs cause of some two dip shits called Duckworth and Lewis.

Who the fuck is Duckworth and Lewis? Do I really care? I want the fucking match to end like it should. Either India wins or it loses. We still deserve a full match. Not a half assed match where one team is too sissy to continue due to bad light. Give me a fucking break. Those bastards just pulled a fast one on us and we're taking it lightly.

I think we need to nuke the mother fuckers!

How do you like them PINEAPPLE

2006-01-25T10:37:00.000-08:00

So yeah, just to clear the air, Will says "How do you like them apples" in Good Will Hunting.

Anyways, I went on a location hunt recently to this place called Talakad. Don't know if any of you guys have even heard of this place, but its an awesome place. Atleast used to be an awesome place. Shit loads of sand and some really nice temples and stuff. But that's all gone. Some 300 lorries keep coming there everyday and loading up their trucks with sand to take and sell in the city apparently. Now all the sand is gone and there aint no sand left to stare at.

But then again, that's not the point about this post either.

On my way back from there, I spotted a small cart with some 30 pineapples alright. So I stopped by and picked up 5 to bring back home. There was not much that I hated about pineapples before today when I actually sat down and thought about them and how many things actually piss me off about pineapples.

First of all, they are a fucking expensive fruit alright. They cost anywhere between 15-20 bucks a fruit, which means that you'll end up paying a minimum of 2-3 rupees for each 5mm slice, which amounts to almost nothing considering that you are a huge alpha male yourself.

Then, there's no way of telling if the fruit inside is actually over ripe or not ripe at all cause the color of the skin is not really helpful with the fruit is what I've learnt from experience. It'll look the same, smell almost the same and yet be sour most of the time. Fucking pissing off that you cant really figure out which one to choose from the lot. Bastard fruit.

To make matters worse, once you buy it, you goto bring it home and tediously remove the skin off the fruit. Its like a fucking cactus. Who the fuck wants to eat a cactus. Its even got an odd thorn or two just to piss you off even more. You cant really eat the center of the fruit also cause that's the part that kinda tickles your throat. So you goto just eat around the center portion or chop it off completely. Which in relative terms means you've paid 15-20 bucks for extra skin that you cant eat and some stupid painful middle portion that has no usage value at all.

In addition to all that, you cant really store the fucking fruit. You goto eat the whole thing right away. If you put it in the fridge, it'll taste almost like crap the next day. If you leave it out, it'll turn kakka brown the next morning and will be all soggy and soft and you wont even go 5 feet close to it.

And to sum it all up with the mother of all piss off's, if you have tonscils like I do and you happen to eat the fucking fruit just before you goto sleep, you'll end up lying down in bed and trying to clear your throat by making ugly sounds like "khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrr" x 3 and other sounds that rhyme or resemble just that. Eating that center portion like I mentioned above will only make matters worse. You will also try to plug your ears with your two index fingers and do some vague stuff with your tongue to try and get all the stupid feeling out of your throat. It wont work. It will only keep getting worse. You'll end up feeling like crap and will go watch Shaktiman.

So remind me again, why go through all the trouble? For just 30 grams of bliss? I think I'll pass.

"Mama, go cut the pig tied in the backyard and make me some sarpotel and sannas.."

Have a Cigar

2006-01-21T11:13:00.000-08:00

So you do some really nice things for someone you dont know and what do you get in return?

NOTHING!!

Other than being stubbed I guess.
Not that i expected much, but I didnt expect to be lied to atleast. Moreover, I didnt expect to be stubbed. Nor did I expect to waste so much paper on NOTHING.

This, my friends, is a mere extention of the kalti thing i was talking about a few weeks back.

None the less, have a cigar.

Life goes on..

Fucking Talented Musician Fuckers

2006-01-11T10:44:00.000-08:00

Yeah, so anyways, I've been going to quite a few music shows lately and I've been noticing one thing, all the guys who can play an instrument are people who definitely don't look like musicians at all.

And the worst part is, some guys are born talented. I mean, they don't have to fucking work hard to learn the guitar or something. It just comes to them. And trust me, you hate it when that happens. When you know you sit your ass down and struggle to learn an instrument and then this guy comes along and in a matter of just a few weeks, he fucking picks up that same instrument and learns to play it real well while your still stuck there trying to figure out Hotel California.

It pisses me off that they don't have to try as hard as I do. I mean really, you should look at some of these buggers who can play the guitar man. They do it so effortlessly. Its like riding a bike for them. Like how you just change gears without even paying attention to it no, like that only. They'll just fucking play without even being bothered about which scale they are on and which note is the fucking root note and all that crap. It just happens.. And I fucking hate it, cause it never happens for me.

I watch all these guys in awe, firstly cause I admire their talent. Secondly cause I can never do the things they do. Sure, they may or may not be able to do the things that I do too, but I hate it that they're talented at playing the instrument and I am not. Simple. It shouldn't be this fucking difficult for me. It should just come easy. Maybe I should go enroll myself for classes somewhere. I've had enough of this Bm - Em - Blah Blah Blah Blah...

Fucking talented mother fuckers.. hate them all.

Honk and I'll run you over!

2006-01-02T11:34:00.000-08:00

So yeah, I totally don't get why I am blogging so much lately, but I figured, I'd make up for lost time.

Anyways, so I hate it when all these dumbass truck drivers from Andhra Pradesh, Haryana, Delhi and all the other fucking states bring their trucks to Bangalore and ride around in our fucking city. Especially on the right most lane. What the fuck is that all about eh?

So, there I was on my bike riding on the Outer Ring Road, when i was faced with two trucks that were ahead of me. Considering that I was riding faster than them, I expected to overtake them from the right, LIKE I AM SUPPOSED TO. But the bastards refuse to give me way. I mean really, what the fuck right?

Where else in the world do you get to see this man? All the fucking trucks that cant travel faster than 40 kmph are on the right most lane, which btw, is supposed to be the fastest lane. Like if your traveling really fast anywhere else in the world, you'd need to be in the right most lane. Not cutting lanes and zipping across lanes and stuff like that.

So i took that pic while riding my bike. See that fucking dumbass lorry ahead of the lancer, that's one of the mother fuckers who refused to give me way. I had to eventually overtake him from the left. Thank god his co-driver decided to spit out his pan after i had passed him, else you know how I would have thrown my helmet at his fucking fat northie turd face!!

Bastards pissed me off..

So we all got dengued today!!

2005-12-28T09:28:00.000-08:00

Umm yeah, so they fucked us over..
I was just lying down at home today in the evening and watching TV and with nothing better to watch on TV, I happened to tune into the News.

Apparently some terrorists (from the north, I wont say India, but you'd never know) rode into the IISc in Bangalore in a white ambassador car and opened fire with an AK-47 killing one professor and injuring quite a few others.

So shocked was our state govt, the CM apparently called for an EMERGENCY MEETING at 10AM TOMORROW morning. Now lets look at the facts. What the fuck is the meeting called for? The fucking gangsters are out there, not nabbed yet and he calls for an EMERGENCY meeting, then too at 10 AM in the morning. I am pretty sure he wont be done going to the parlour, shaving his armpits, waxing his legs and getting a manicure before that. So, he decided that he'll just call the emergency meeting at 10 am, instead of say earlier, like maybe.. Just maybe for instance, tonight itself. Or wait, what about his beauty sleep no? Fucking dickwart.

Moreover, I was so fucking shocked when I was watching all this shit on TV. I mean, seriously, give me a fucking break. Some good 20 cops landed up at the spot. No one fucking knows where the ambi is gone or who the fucktard was who opened fire. What the fuck are they all doing getting to that spot after the god damm firing is done with and the guys are already on the loose, somewhere on the streets of Bangalore. Don't you think, these fukwit, fat belleyed policemen should maybe immediately block off all roads and start checking each and every fucking vehicle that remotely resembles an ambassador? Fuck that, shouldn't the city come to a standstill to make sure the fucking culprits are nabbed??

Then, on Headlines today, that Chetan fellow was interviewing someone who's designation is MoS of Home and his name is some kantri Shivprakash or something. Now, another correspondent of Headlines Today has gathered information that it was actually a mod planned out by the LeT to strike Bangalore and or Hyderabad sometime in this week. When Chetan asked that dude, he just refused to accept that it was a terrorist attack. I mean, come on, the guy was just wielding an AK-47 in a campus and shooting people cause he is half blind and thought they were black bucks. OBVIOUSLY. Its no terrorist attack. Its just a small misunderstanding that they'll sort out at tomorrow morning's emergency meeting at 10.

Seriously, what the fuck do you think they are going to be talking about at that meeting? Do you think Dharam "i have no neck so thawp me on my head" Singh is going to gather intelligence by himself by tomorrow morning so he can sit across the table with his fellow dumbfucks at the Vidhana Soudha over hot samosas and coffee and work this all out? Meeting it seems. Bloody fucktards!!

I am shit worried about my family, my friends, everyone of my fellow people cause there is a guy in a white ambi with a loaded AK-47 and the cops are busy shaking hands and posing for the news crew at IISc. Hope everyone is safe. Hope everyone will be ok.

Full on Kalti

2005-12-14T10:08:00.000-08:00

"Everyone of us has got a kalti atleast once in our lives."
- Doctor Pissed

Now, having said that, i just hate it when someone gives you a kalti. It didn't happen or anything recently, but I just reminded myself today about how fucked up you feel when someone gives you a kalti.

Now, for the people who don't know what I am talking about, allow me to explain.

So there is this person you know from like school, your apartment complex or something and you being the nice person you are, remember that person very well. A long time goes by and you don't keep in touch or anything for reasons unknown, but you know for a fact that if you spot that someone somewhere, you'll make it a point to acknowledge the fact that you knew that person and atleast for courtesy sake, go and say hi to him/her. You play your part.

But what does the bitch/bastard do. He/she pretends like he/she has no clue who you are. Just looks away when you wave from across the road. Just continues talking to his/her friends like he/she didn't even notice you.

I mean what the fuck right? Its not like i am a bad person or anything, but it sure has happened to me more than once and I fucking hate it. Cant stand it one bit. Its one thing if you tell me you don't want to talk to me, but failing to acknowledge the fact that i even existed in your LIFE sometime back is just something that I cant stand. I mean, sure, I don't remember so many people by name. But I've never even once done this to someone. I smile at random people I don't even know cause they're already smiling at me. I even talk to so many people I have no clue about. That's only cause I don't want them to feel uncomfortable cause i know it fucking hurts..

How i wish i could put my thoughts down. I suck at this. But I know for sure that it pisses me off.

Do Some Dance YAAR

2005-12-10T11:19:00.000-08:00

I've been refraining from putting this post up for quite sometime now. But I just couldn't resist anymore. I mean what the fuck are all these northies doing in Bangalore? Not that I hate all of them really. They are all ok. Afterall, we're all Indian and all that jazz, but when did they take over the fucking city?

Everywhere I look, all I see are north Indians. The mangy's have all moved to the gelf. The malayalees are taking over Greenland I am sure. Those were the two danger breeds, but now that they've moved shop, north Indians are spreading. And fast.

There's something very personal to me about this city. I was born here for crying out loud. St. John's Hospital to be precise. I've lived here for almost all my life. Its just not fair when I see so many outsiders in my fucking city! I mean get the fuck out already. Goto Gurgaon and study or something. How about Chandigarh huh? Maybe join a call center there. Like we don't have enough talent going around to fill up the jobs here anyways. But no, you guys have to come here and make life difficult for my fellow Bangaloreans.

Take your MH, HA and other crappy registrations other than KA and drive back. We don't need you here. Sorry if I am being mean, but I am just frustrated man. I mean there used to be a time when bangalore used to rule. Not that many cars on the road, nice clean air, open roads, the works. For some odd reason, when I look back at it, ever since the call center boom happened and these truck load of northies landed up in the city, its just a downhill thing happening for us. They are making too much money, buying more cars, polluting the air, eating a lot, spoiling the roads and causing traffic jams.

Anyways, I think I lost it yesterday at a youth fest in the city. I was sitting by myself and there was some loud music and some fashion event happening. I was waiting for a friend who went to bring me chicken. There was this one dude, sure shot northie standing right next to me. For some odd reason, he kept screaming "Alliance rocks man". I swear those were his exact same words. Now if he did that once, it was fine with me. I wouldn't have been here blogging about NORTHIES in general. But he did it atleast 4 times.

Fucking piss off. I mean who the fuck cares if Alliance rocks. What the fuck is Alliance? Who the fuck really cares? Why scream more than once. Your voice is drowned by the god damm music anyways. Moreover, your pissing us bangaloreans off with that fucked up Northie accent. Ashooo, anger is came.

Go back to dilli. Go!! Just go!!

I NO HEART BUFFALO

2005-11-28T09:29:00.000-08:00

I really lough farm animals I say. I mean. Not in a "pink" kind of way, but generally. I've always loved going to our ancestral home in Mangalore. Its fun.

But I've never really liked the buffalos though. Reasons:
1. They are always of just one color. Not like them cows. - no spots = no lough
2. They have absolutely no self defense. Sure, they are strong and all and can take down a lion and all that crap, but why would God be so mean and curve its horns inward? I mean what the fuck no?
3. It generally looks kinda stupid.

Ok, I lied. I don't really hate them buffaloes. Never really thought about them that much though. Anyways, so back to my post. So there I was on this road. Believe it or not, there was this buffalo standing in the middle of a fucking traffic signal. I mean, where else in this world could this happen. The buffalo was waiting, just like any one of us for the lights to turn green so we could carry on to our ultimate destinations.

I don't know if its luck or whatever, but I got to stand right next to the buffalo's hind limbs. Its bad standing next to its hind limbs, let me tell you why. First of all, it could poop. Secondly, the smells bad. Anyways, waiting there, I least expected whatever happened next to happen.

I take off my helmet and I was just waiting for the signal to go green when suddenly the buffalo swings its tail man and gives me one chaapa on my face. I mean it didn't hurt and all, but what the fuck. I didn't know what had struck me and before I knew it, two chicks from the auto behind me were giggling. So was the fucking auto driver. I looked right, about 7 people waiting for a bus at the bus stand were also laughing. Ayoo, karma..

Lesson learned. Shoot the buffalo or throw helmet at buffalo at next signal!

Fucking piss off..

BTW, for all your Dr. Pissed fans, my next few posts are going to be the tags that have long been pending. So sorry if I goto disappoint a few of you, but I goto make a few others happee.

Rasna Phenomenon

2005-11-20T11:47:00.000-08:00

Not visiting a relative that stays in the same city as you is definitely a bad thing. Let me tell you why.

For starters, there's this phenomenon that occurs almost all the time when you visit them after a long time. Its called the Rasna Phenomenon and it fucking pisses me off.

First of all, I don't like visiting family. I mean its all good and all, but when you don't have time to run to the shop to pick up new jeans, how in this world would you expect me to find time to visit family. Anyways, I don't intend to either cause there's not much you can do once you go there.

Almost always, the minute you enter a relatives house, they'll serve you Rasna or any orange/lime flavored drink. Even before you sit down. So then, you take your glass and sit down on one of the vacant chairs and begin to sip on your drink, casually going about the formalities. While sipping your rasna, you tend to ask stupid questions and pretend to be interested in what they have to say back to you, all the while thinking about how quickly you can get out of there.

Being fake is just not my thing. I cant take those stupid questions that don't mean anything and that are asked just cause you end up being in the same room as them. Don't really know if any of this makes any sense, but that Rasna thing has got to die. We Indians need to find something better to do other than eat and drink when we visit our relatives.

The next time my folks ask me to join them, I am just going to pretend I am sick or something.. Bah!!

Oh! Those bastards

2005-11-17T12:53:00.000-08:00

To start things off, I am not bothered about my spellings - just so that EVERYONE knows.

Anyways, I've been having this problem at work off late. There's this new guy who's joined our office to help us with a few regional projects that we're doing cause we don't really know the language and that fucker pisses me off. Terribly, I must add.

You know what he does. Let me tell you. I'll be sitting and sending out some mails at my comp cause we get quite a few requests for quotes and estimates everyday and I'll be working on that every morning. Now he conveniently enters office at around 11:00 in the morning and without a care in the world, fixes a cup of tea for himself (which is OC btw). Once he's got his cup of tea with him, he casually comes to the room that I sit in and starts sipping his tea.

That sounds ok right? But its WRONG.

The bastard has this annoying habit of making that "sirrrrrpppp" noise when he sips his fucking tea. And with all the quiet going around in the office, I hear it loud and clear. I don't want to tell him to embarrass him or anything, but he should realize no? I mean what the fuck ya, he sounds like a fucking camel. Bloody retard. One of these days, I am going to punch is lights out if he continues doing the same shit. He wont know what hit him. Once he figures out what hit him, he'll keep wondering why and he'll just probably go and fix himself another cup of tea..

Ayoo karma!!

Give me twenty minutes..

2005-11-10T12:10:00.000-08:00

Oh, hi.
Well, what if i dont have 20 minutes?

I was just waiting to get pissed off again to start blogging and boy, did that bastard at the hospital piss me off or what.

So anyways, here's what happened.
Last sunday, my sister in law kinda had a bad accident at home. She managed to chop the top portion of her finger off while doing some work in the kitchen and we had to rush her to the hospital. My brother and my mom took her to the hospital while i stayed back looking for the chopped off part.

Now figure this out. I manage to find the part somewhere behind a few utensils and I quickly put it in a packet of ice and rushed it to the hospital. I get there a good 20 minutes after my sister in law and my mom and bro get there and they are still sitting there waiting...

God knows for what, but they are waiting. They've bandaged her hand, but thats about it. Everyone seems to be waiting.

So i take the packet with the chopped finger to the guy at the Emergency Counter and tell him that I have the chopped off piece in a packet and that maybe he should take it and store it in the freezer, just so that they can probably salvage some part of it and graft it back on. He tells me to hold on to it and to give him 20 minutes cause he was making a phone call.

20 fucking minutes?
Is he out of his fucking mind?
I mean what the fuck does he want me to do? Pray that the chopped off piece will remain hygenic in a plastic cover filled with ice from home? Cant he take it, clean it all up and keep it ready for the plastic surgeon (who by the way was not at the hospital and was on his way)? Cant he say anything other than "give me 20 minutes"?

God i hate them hospitals. Although I do know for a fact that they are the only place we can turn to when something goes wrong with us, i just fucking hate them. How can they make you wait at an emergency ward? How how how? How can they ask you to fill up forms? Sign consent letters? Talk to you? Make you wait?
Are they fucking insensitive? I am sure they have policy and crap, but who really fucking cares. Its their job to take care of you and they better do it right. Even I can have everyone who needs emergency care come to my place and have them seated in the hall and i'll even serve tea. Why the fuck do they goto go to the hosp to do that? Fucking turds!

Just so that you know, thanks to the bastards at the emergency counter, just the nail bed could be salvaged and my sister in law is ¼ finger short now! And just so that you know, since they couldnt adminster any sort of assistance, someone else died of a heart attack right next to my sister in law. Ajoo, anger .. anger .. anger..

Life is like a friggin lemon!

2005-10-08T00:02:00.000-07:00

Now although I'd have prefered a pissed off entry, i'll buy this one. Its worth a few reads. Moreover, adds color to my blog. Thanks dude for taking the time. Appreciate it.

Guest Entry by BLAH BLAH

ELMO - MY PET LEMON
I have a pet lemon. I picked him out from a whole bunch of lemons at a book fair recently. They were giving away one lemon with every book bought. I was just idly playing with the lemons in the bag, when I saw this quiet little lemon standing apart from the others. He looked like
he wanted to join in, but couldn't really muster up the courage to ask. My heart went out to this little green fellow; I'd been a kuccha nimboo myself when I was growing up. On the spot, I decided that this was the lemon for me. I quietly picked him out of the bag, and put him
into my pocket. It was the start of one of my most fulfilling and enlightening relationships.

It's not easy to raise a lemon alone, you know. I rushed into it impulsively, not really knowing the sort of responsibility involved with such a task. There are many things you learn only the hard way. For example, my lemon takes it really hard if anyone calls him a lime. He has an inferiority complex about limes. What's more, my brother keeps telling him that I got him by mistake, that I was actually hoping for a lime instead. I've assured and reassured him a hundred
times that this isn't true, but then, there's only so much you can say to salvage a hurt ego. You know how lemons can be once they believe something strongly!

But it's not all bad. There are times when I'm feeling really low, and my lovely lemon manages to cheer me up. We play a little game. I start to tell him all about where lemonade comes from, and then I take him into the kitchen and show him the lemon squeezer and explain in detail
how it works. He then pretends to be totally speechless with fear. Sometimes for variety I put him into the mixer and threaten, jokingly of course, to shred him to pieces. Some days, I just shout out "Juice!" and we share a laugh. I love my lemon. I hope he doesn't die of lemonAIDS.

It is DONE

2005-09-27T10:25:00.000-07:00

Oh well, off late, I havent really been inspired to write, probably cause not many things have been pissing me off lately. Or maybe its just work that is getting to me. But I am not complaining. I am having a ball.

Anyways, as of today, I've decided I am taking a break. A break from all this blogging bits. For sometime atleast. In the past few weeks/months, I know for a fact that i've made quite a few friends and equal number of enemies. The friends I can understand. Ther eare obviously plenty of folk around the world that are pissed off about the same things like me and relate to most of the things I say. The enemies bit I dont get. Dont see why someone would hate me and want to pull a scrap with me. Anyways, it doesnt bother me. Cyberspace has never really intimidated me, really.
For the record though, it'd be nice to know who I am supposed to meet at Koshy's. I can't just go around kissing every other guys/girls ass. By the time I got to the actual guy, the taste in my mouth would only numb the overwhelming experience.

Like I said though, dont matter to me.
So cheers to you all and myself and do have a blast.

But as a sign off, for a friend, here are my

5 greatest joys:

The smell of mud when it rains
The open road
Watching puppies playing
Movies
Christmas Carols

(So i've been untagged now and as a piss off, each and everyone of you is tagged now)

Peace, love and tranquility y'all
Wesside!

----
I miss the days of 0 and 2 comments. Now I blog for the world.

Blogus Anonymous

2005-09-22T10:55:00.000-07:00

Read this comment on my blog lately?

Anonymous said...

fucking sad bastard...effects of catcher in the rye havent worn off yet? doctor pissed. quit the fucked up attempt at being holden. you suck at that apart from a whole host of shit including your fucked up "edits"

September 22, 2005 3:05 PM

What, you all might ask am i doing giving something so small so much importance. Well nothing really. I just find it odd though that someone who hates me so much, doesnt have the balls to step up to me and tell me just that.

Anyways, since that comment pissed me off, why not blog about it nah? First off, I dont read books. So, I dont really get the Catcher in the Rye cross reference. Secondly, I find book reading very boring. Holden, as I just found out is the narrator of the book. Who the fuck cares really? I dont even know why I bothered googling.

My edits must sure suck. Thats why they are on TV I guess. Much of what's on TV is crap anyways.

None the less dude, you have your opinions, but like they say, opinions are like assholes, everyone has one!
You are my asshole.. :)

Nitwit Marty!

2005-09-21T10:49:00.000-07:00

I've been awfully happy lately. Nothing's pissed me off for over a day. Infact, nothing pissed me off today as well. I went to work, got back early, spoke to my folks, played with the new pups at home, ate dinner and then came up to the living room to watch some television while eating food and then it HAPPENED.

With the lack of entertainment on television these days, I've stopped eating dinner at home. Before it used to be so much fun. Lots of things to watch while eating dinner on Star World and all. Now only faggy serials that make absolutely no sense. Not that The Practice wasnt good or anything, but I am talking about the general situation of the content on television. Only Monday nights are ok ok.. All the other days just suck. Even Apprentice is over now. Bahh.. I cant wait for the Amazing Race though. Anyways, chuck all that. I'll diss the shows on tv some other day. For today though, there was something even worse.

So there I was in the living room and The Practice gets over and a show called Rockstar INXS started playing. Now, I goto be honest. Never really liked their music. Wasnt a fan at all. But I thought hell, its a show on rock music. How could that go wrong nah? So I tuned in and got comfy. The first guy to sing did a decent job covering "Bohemian Rhapsody" I thought. Right after he was done, I went down, left my plate, washed my hands and came back running upstairs to watch the show and boy was I in for a suprise or what..

Some dude called Marty Casey who looks like a total faggot is fucking up one of my most fav songs of all time. He's doing his own version of Wish You Were Here and it sucks. I mean what the fuck dude, if your going to fucking cover the song, atleast do it right. Dont fucking change it cause you want to. Dont cover it at all. Fucking mother fucking twit. He has the nerve to give full attitude while singing the song and all and he kept giving those basketball looks to the audience. Fuck, I hate it when people do that. I cant explain what the basketball look is if you guys dont play basketball. Its basically a look you give to the other players in your team and the other team when you get a basket and feel all super cool and all cause you know everyone is looking at you.. Oh does that piss me off or what..

Anyways, I have nothing more to say.. I just hate the mother fucker. He spoilt it for me :(

I am going to sing a line for myself from the song like the way its meant to be sung. Like the way I sang it for non-comp acoustic music in my first year of college.

"How I wish, how I wish you were here
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year
Running over the same old grounds
What have we found
The same old fears
Wish you were here"

Bahhhh!!!

I got dengued today!

2005-09-18T10:01:00.000-07:00

If you guys are wondering what the topic title means, fret not. I basically intend to tell all my ardent fans that I got fucked today!

How you may ask? Well, let me take the fucking time to explain.

I went to work today. I know, what a crappy life I must be leading that I need to go to work on a Sunday. But work is work dude. When you enjoy it as much as I do, you wont complain. Anyways, i finished doing what I was supposed to in about 30 minutes and I get a message from a friend. I thought to myself, let me just message him while I am riding the bike. I mean come on, what the fuck could happen right? I've done this a million times, ride the bike and message someone, even talk on the phone by sticking the phone inside my helmet. So, what the fuck, I could pull this off too. So I started my bike, took off from work and started typing the message with my left hand while accelerating with the right. I didnt crash up or anything. I was just super excited about the message that I didnt notice a stupid fucking cop just waiting at the end of the road to catch me.

And mind you, he did.

He pulled me over to the side and cracked the usual kannada movie joke - "eyyy, jogi, yell hogtha iddiya kano?" (btw, just so that you people from north india and around the world know, Jogi is a new kannada movie where the protagonist has long locks, just like mine and I've got this fucking Jogi thing from countless number of people before the cop, street children, auto drivers, the lot. First it was Uppi, now its fucking Jogi. I am going to cut my fucking hair. You just wait..)

Anyways, so there I was, caught red handed. I was guilty of riding the bike and using the phone at the same time, which mind you, is an offence. So he asked me to pull my bike over and I did. Then he started cracking jokes with me. He then casually checked my papers and to my fucking suprise, both my emission test certificate and my insurance had fucking expired. I mean what crap. Just 2 minutes before handing out the papers to him, I was happily riding my bike with super confidence and being super thrilled and all and then out of the blue this guy catches me and fucks up my sunday. I was even under the impression that my bike papers were up to date, but they obviously werent. The emission test expired in March 2005 and the Oriental Insurance paper was done with way back in Feb itself.

So now I had 3 offenses against my record. I was guilty of riding my bike and using the mobile phone at the same time and riding the bike with expired papers.

So basically, I was fucked.

He then goes on to tell me that I am supposed to pay him 1200 bucks. I was like "what the fuck". I literally said that btw. He said, using abusive language to a police officer is another offense so you better chill out (all in kannada btw). Anyways, let me give you the break down.

300 bucks for riding the bike and using the cell phone at the same time
500 bucks for expired insurance papers
200 bucks for expired emission test
100 bucks for riding a bike with mirrors
100 bucks for riding a bike with no front ferring

Now, I totally get the first three but what the fuck. If i choose not to have mirrors on my bike, its my fucking choise. If I die, I die. Who the fuck is he to command that I have mirrors. Moreover, if I dont want to have a front ferring on my fucking bike, its my fucking choice again. I like my bike without a ferring and I am going to keep it that way.

Obviously, I couldnt tell him all that. So I just smiled and gave him the "Come on saaar, ganesha habba" bit. He didnt seem to want to budge. He was stern. Anyways, after much pleading and requesting, he gave in and I got out of there after 30 minutes by paying him some 50 bucks and promising to come back with another 100.

In his fucking dreams am I going to go back with that 100. Actually I did go back. But his boss had turned up and he just sent me away.

Anyways, the whole experience today was such a piss off. Spoilt my whole day plan. I so wanted to go to church and sing hymns today. Didnt happen :(

Bastard cops..

Damm Covers!

2005-09-14T13:36:00.000-07:00

I dont know who invented these fucking covers and I dont get why in this world they are so hard to open. Not all the time, but at times atleast. I mean, all these fucking covers that are used to vaccum seal something are always difficult to open. Some just open easily. Like you hold it near the crease with both hands and just burst it open, but others can be a bitch.

Especially, those small candy wrappers. They can be such a piss off. First of all, you try to do it the conventional burst open technique.

You fail.

Then you bite into the wrapper and tear a little piece off. That pisses you off a little cause your tooth hurts and it gives you a vague feeling when you bite, atleast for 10 minutes.

Anyways, then you try and hold the small opening that you've created with two or more fingers and try tearing open the wrapper and somehow at the end of it all, you know that you've lost and the fucking wrapper has won and that the candy won't taste as good as it would have but for all those problems opening the fucking wrapper in the first place.

I vouch to all the companies who are into the food/snacks industry to pack all their products in like easy to open zip-slide pouches. But then again, I'd miss popping the Mentos packets. So everyone other than the Mentos folk, get better wrappers. The ones you guys have right now piss me off.

CDK's

2005-09-09T11:42:00.000-07:00

cdk (dūd, dyūd)
n.

Informal. A fucking wannabe
Slang.
1. A man; a fellow.
2. dudes Persons of either sex who are also wannabes

acronym. Cool Dude Karadi, as in bear. Some stupid name that my friend and I came up with sometime back, like say in 1999 or something.

I hate fucking wannabes. They piss me off.
Ever seen some guys on the road and they just dont look right? Ever seen some guys pass by in a car and you know for a fact that they are all prentending to be cool, but actually aren't? Ever seen dudes just hanging around on the by-lanes outside girl colleges wearing those really BIG glasses, a formal shirt (usually white) with jeans and some stupid leather shoes and you just laugh to yourself?

Oh man, they can be such a piss off. They dont have to do anything, interact with me or anything. Them just being around pisses me off. Another thing this breed of dudes have started to do is grow their hair long. I mean what fucking cunts. Couldnt they just let me have my ONE THING? Now, being one of the few people to have long hair in 2001, I somehow felt long hair looked good on me. Now that i see every mother fucker with long hair, it fucking pisses me off. First of all cause they cant carry it off. And secondly, cause I am scared I look like them. I am even contemplating a hair cut!! :(

Anyways, thanks to these stupid fucking dudes, now its just uncool to do so many things. Like,
1. Grow your hair long
2. Take your helmet off and sing
3. Ride on one of the by-lanes of some girls college even if you HAVE to pass it to reach wherever your headed to

Someone please shoot them all down!!
Please..

Garbage Trucks

2005-09-06T13:38:00.000-07:00

I am sure only Bangaloreans will be able to relate to this post, if anyone of you should be reading this.

Its been quite sometime since something has pissed me off. More than 3 days or so. Actually, things have pissed me off over the last three days, but not to the extent that i'd take time off to blog about them.

But today, I was treated to some good old school Bangalore flavour.

Bangalore seems to be the only city that has garbage trucks. Atleast the types that have open trucks covered with blue tarpolin sheets and riding all over the fucking city collecting garbage. I mean, how fucking stupid. I just dont get these trucks. I dont see a reason why they cant be covered and just loaded by from the back, like it happens everywhere else in the world.

I remember when iwas studying in a mull college near Diary Circle, I had to travel on Hosur Road almost everyday for 3 years. Every morning at 8:00 am, twelve yellow BCC garbage trucks would travel on that road leaving a trail of dirty water that had such a bad stench, you wish you were never born. When i got on that road every morning at 8:45 for instance, there was almost certainly a jam waiting for me. Not only did I have to contend with the fact that I was going to be late for class, I also had to put up with the fucking smell, which was unbearable btw.

I had two options
1. Drop out of college
2. Take another road

I choose neither for reasons best known to me and I was fucking screwed man. I hated it. Today on the way to work, I was reminded of those days. When you see a fucking trail of water and the air suddenly begins to smell like rotten eggs mixed with hing, its indicative enough for you to choose another road, no matter how late you arrive at your destination. Trust me. Its only for the better.

And to make matter worse, i didnt take another road cause I was already late. Litte further ahead on the same road near BTM Layout, the fucking truck is in front of me. I bundled the courage to overtake him, just then it happened. Some garbage came flying at me from the freaking truck. Luckily it left no stains or smells and just fell off. But I felt disgusted.

I rushed to work, washed myself up and only then begun the day.

I hate these fucking bastard BCC Garbage Trucks. They fucking piss me off. Alice, another thing for you to write to Mr. Singh about. And Ms. Peris, for once, I think the city sucks too.

The Small Things in Life

2005-09-01T11:06:00.000-07:00

OMG, you guys are not going to believe me, but you have no idea how much grief that small little metal piece gave me today.

I was born a biker. Always loved the bike over the car. Never intended to own a car and never will either. Having said that, its obvious that if anything pisses me off about biking, its goto be those god damm fucking punctures (if thats how its spelt)

Everytime I decide to get to work on time to please my boss, its almost certain that I'll have a puncture in my tire. Dont ask me why, but its always like that. I get ready to go to work and rush to the garage, take my bike off the center stand and suddenly feel no air in the back tire and look down only to notice that the fucking tube is punctured.

Seriously, why the fuck cant they invent some tires that'll help get rid of this crap. I cant take it anymore. I was delayed by more than an hour thanks to the fucking puncture. This is the 3rd puncture in this month alone and all the 3 punctures have been caused by fucking metal objects like the metal piece you guys see in the image. Nails and other sharp objects contribute at other times to my misery.

I dont understand why in this world someone would just throw nails on the road. What kind of sadistic pleasures would one derive from causing me misery? I dont get it. I've done no wrong to nobody. I've not called anyone names. Sure, I've sung many a song loudly on the bike with actions, but that's no harm done to anyone. Then why the fuck do they goto do this to me..

I actually saved that fucking small little piece to click a photograph and put it up here. It was so small that the puncture shop guy even told me that he'll charge me just 2 bucks instead of the regular 15 cause of the size of the fucking piece that caused the puncture. And then he just laughed.

Once you figure out you have a puncture, your basically screwed. First you goto push your bike to the puncture shop. You cant ride it there cause then you'd risk causing more damage to the neck of the tube thus in turn getting you to spend 120 bucks for a new tube. So you push the bike, in the hot morning sun and you get all sweaty and stuff although you've taken a bath just some 20 mins ago. Then you've goto stand next to your bike and help the puncture dude dismantle you tire by bending the bike towards one side so its easier for him to pull the back wheel off the axle. Then, when he's fixing the tube, you've goto stand there next to him and grumble about the time and how you want him to speed things up although you know for a fact that it'd take that much time either ways for him to fix it. Then he gets pissed off. He does a shabby job. Just pretends like he's looking for a nail in the tube and doesnt really remove it. Just removes a part of it so that you'll have another puncture later that day and the saga continues..

What a piss off I tell ya .. what a fucking piss off.
I hate punctures. I need steel radials for my bike! MRF are you fuckers listening?

The Awkward Silence

2005-08-31T10:12:00.000-07:00

Oh, well, just when I thought I wouldnt really be pissed off about anything today, this had to happen.

Just so that everyone knows now and there are no more awkward silences, my girlfriend and I kinda fell out of our relationship sometime back. Cant really call her MY girlfriend right now cause she's with someone else, but trust me, thats not the pissing off part. I am happy for her and am sure glad she's happy doing what she is doing in life.

Anyways, getting back to the post. My folks and I share a very open relationship. I mean, they have no qualms about me seeing someone and they are like one of the first few people to know when I do start seeing anyone. I dont really have to tell them. They kinda already figure it out and stuff.

One thing though, when you break up with someone, for some odd reason, you dont find the courage to go and tell you parents about it. No matter how open they are about the issue. Call me a coward or whatever, I dont really mind it. But honestly, I just find it odd. I can tell all my friends about it, but I cant tell my parents. Its just a crappy feeling...

So I get back home today from work and I was sitting down in the hall and just talking to my mom who was all enthu about watching some of my edits on TV and feeling proud and all. Just then, she turns towards me and says "So, where's XYZ? Haven't seen her in a while and she doesnt even call or come home anymore". An awkward silence follows... I ponder over the option of lying to her, like I have done in the past just, but I decided to otherwise today and to put an end to this..

I dont blame my mom. I blame myself. But these frigging awkward situations piss me off. Moreso the silence. I finally found it in my heart to tell her today though. I am sure she'll tell my dad and it'll all be cool and no one will bring it up anymore, but thats not the point. These awkward situations are such a piss off .. Fuck, I cant even put it to words to remember about this someday down the line...
This sucks..

Mud Splashes

2005-08-30T08:52:00.000-07:00

Ok not really. Except maybe if I was in a mud pool reliving my fantasies. But, shit crap man. I love the rains alright. They make me happy. Except for 2 things.
1. Getting wet in the rain while riding back home on the bike wearing the only set of nice formal clothes that I own
2. The mud splashes from all the cars/bikes/trucks/busses/bullock-carts/etc.

Now dont get me wrong, I can make do with getting wet in the rain wearing formals, except that I dont wear a banyan (oh, I love that word) and everyone will get to see my sexy body, but mud from the revolutions of a car tyre, I cant handle.

It rained like mad last night and I worked all night at the office cause I was doing an edit that is supposed to be aired tomorrow on ESPN. Anyways, after working all night and heading back home in the morning, the last thing I need all over my face is MUD. I mean what the fuck. These vehicle owners in and around Bangalore dont believe in mud flaps. Because of all the slush collected in their fucking tyres, the bikers on the road are the ones that are hit the worst. I ended up riding behind this Tata Indica and this bugger, ironically ends up being a cabbie for a call center. He, without knowledge that he has just exited from a mud road that got totally wet because of yesterday's rains ends up taking off at this signal and his tyres kept squirting out mud right into my face. Ironically enough, I had my helmet off and got a good taste of good ol` bangalore mud.

Fucking stupid fucking cabbie pissed me off today. The next time this happens, considering that it will happen cause of all the rain, I am going to throw my helmet at him, come what may..

Christian Retreats

2005-08-28T10:18:00.000-07:00

Oh man, I am Catholic alright, Roman Catholic at that, but fucking shit, I dont get these fucking christian retreats. They bloody piss me off and when I have aunties and uncles talking about how these fucking miracle works work their charms and apparently HEAL people, it fucking pisses me off even more.

Not to be blasphemous or anything, but I dont like those guys on TV. Especially these Tamil guys who claim to have the hand of God and to have the power to frigging heal the world. Then why the fuck are they on TV? Why arent they out there doing shit for the people, lets say in Somalia for instance, where they are really fucking needed?

Why the fuck do they goto stand on a stage, hold their hand out and knock someone on the head hard enough to make that person go crashing down to the floor only to have him wake up much later after lying unconcious for a while because of the hard knock on their head and cause of the pain from crashing down to the floor and temporarily feeling weightlessness and happy soon after.

I just dont get it I tell you. And when they try to spread the good word, that pisses me off even more. Thank you, but I dont want to be a part of this crap! You can take your salad elsewhere..

Death Metal

2005-08-27T11:07:00.000-07:00

With due respect to all the original metal bands, I think covering Death bands and other really hard metal bands totally sucks. I mean, seriously man, come on. I am sure each and every one of of you reading this blog has been to one Autumn Muse or a NLS fest or something and quite honestly, although you might be a metal fan, I am pretty darn sure that you guys agree with me when I say ALMOST ALL THE BANDS THAT COVER A DEATH METAL BAND SUCKS!!

Actually hold on a minute there. It doesnt really matter if you guys agree with me or not, I still think they suck. They go on stage and make noise. First off, they cant pull off the riffs. Secondly, the drummer cant keep time. Then why the fuck attempt it. Just cause I am in love with Dream Theater, Rush and the likes wont make me pick up the frigging guitar and go on stage and do a Petrucci solo right?

I dont get our local bands from Bangalore. Almost 90% of them play covers. Not that I hate covers or anything, but if then end up covering death metal and doing a crappy job out of it, whats the point in covering the music in the first place? They'd rather not play. Either that, or they can probably cover some easier music to play, like we did.

To make matter worse, I hate death metal as a genre of music. Its just not pleasing and doesnt impress me technically either.

Anyways, I think semi pro bands or whatever-the-fuck-they-are-called-bands should just stop playing on stage and saving the audience the trouble. I skipped going to this year's Freedom Jam cause I knew there'd be more than 45 bands out of the shortlisted 50 covering death metal. Thanks a bunch for spoiling my experience of it all. Bastards..

Maa, where's the Spam?

2005-08-21T11:00:00.000-07:00

spam (spăm)
n.

Unsolicited e-mail, often of a commercial nature, sent indiscriminately to multiple mailing lists, individuals, or newsgroups; junk e-mail.

tr.v., spammed, spam·ming, spams.

To send unsolicited e-mail to.
To send (a message) indiscriminately to multiple mailing lists, individuals, or newsgroups.

meaning derived from www.answers.com

Oh, what the fuck.. I've been had!
There are some fucking strange odd programs, otherwise reffered to as BOTS that have invaded my frigging blog. I just realized that I was taken for a ride when one of these bots posted on my frigging blog about my impeccable command over the english language and crap like that and I replied even! hahaha!

Anyways, these bots are now pissing me off. They are getting on my nerves and thats why I've enabled WORD VERIFICATION for the comments section. Else, they'll go on spamming and I cant do shit. Some might suggest disabling the anon comments option. But I cant do that. Most of my friends who visit this place arent really members and like to comment. Thus, the only other option, word verification.

Now, as a warning, dont fall prey like me. These bots are nothing but scripts and are out to get you. Down with the fucking bots.. down down down

Digging - In general

2005-08-20T10:03:00.000-07:00

I know I've blogged about this earlier and I know I'd also commented on another person's blog that I wouldnt post this cause his anthem rendition made me happy again, but I cant resist.

I was on my way back home from work today and I got stuck at the signal near the Ring Road (Koramangala End). I switched off my bike, took off my helmet and decided to wait..
As i began to look around, I saw this one guy on the other side of the road and he was carrying a backpack and was dressed like a guy who was definately educated and he looked sane enough to know his place in this world. Say about 10 seconds after I spotted him, he began digging his nose, quite furiously even.

Now dont mind me, atleast know that you are surrounded by another 6 people who are looking at you digging your nose. Doesnt that bother you? I mean, yuckkk!!

Then the signal turned green and I passed him and I actually saw him still frantically busy at his nose picking skills. Then I just thought to myself. Imagine if that guy was doing what he was doing early in the morning and then headed to my office. I'd have to shake hands with that guy and he'd have bogger all over his fingers. He'd probably have little residue from all those bogger balls that he'd have made and thrown away onto the street after picking his nose for such a long time and I'd have to shake hands with him.... NooooOoOooooO!!!!

Thankfully though, he doesnt look like the kind of guy who'd visit an office like ours. But then again, no one said he was alone! I am sure there are others and the thought of not knowing if the guys you are shaking hands with have been digging their nose or not and going ahead and shaking hands with them scares me.

Its just disgusting you know.
I've decided to go the Japanese/Chinese/whatever the fuck Way .. Mushi mushi..

Cloved Laddus!

2005-08-07T11:14:00.000-07:00

Now I am a typical South Indian fella with South Indian habits and tastes. But when it comes to laddu's and pani puri, I absolutely love the way the northies prepare the dishes.

For one, give me any boondhi laddu from any northie sweet shop and I'll finish it within 8 seconds flat. But then there are these yucky south indian laddu's that are often mistaken for their northern counterparts.

Laddu's are from north india and are meant to be from there. Why, you ask? Well, cause we south indians cant make laddu's for nuts. Like for instance, a north indian laddu is just a shit load of boondhi and ghee with a dash of cashew nuts and thats about it. A south indian laddu on the other hand has shit loads of boondhi, DALDA and cloves. I mean what the fuck are cloves doing in a laddu. Its like some sadistic bastard who wanted to spoil the taste of them laddu's suddenly thought of putting it there and that ritual has caught on until this day.

I cant stand them cloves in my laddus. They piss me off. Its like I put the whole laddu in my mouth and then bite into a clove and hate the taste cause its yuck and I have to try and seperate it from the rest of the laddu inside my mouth with my tongue and then remove it out with my fingers and throw it away. Instead, why the fuck cant they all just let them north indians make the laddus just the way I love them?

But no.. the sadistic bastard hates me!!

All the crap!

2005-08-05T10:14:00.000-07:00

Oh man .. All the crap that goes into our papers just pisses me off.
I am sorry I havent written to myself in a long time, its just that I have been shit busy with work. Have 3 more ads to be done with by the end of the month and cant seem to find the time at all to work on all of them.

Having said that, I am one of the buggers who needs to read the paper every morning. I have noticed the changes in content that our newspapers are going every day. Times of India started it all and now, they are a fucking SOFT PORN daily. I mean, being a guy and stuff and having them publish all those images in the paper should make me happy. But it doesnt.

I aint no gay or anything and I aint attracted to men and want them to publish images of guys instead, but man, geez, there are small kids reading the fucking papers. I am not talking about really small kids. I am talking about the 13-14 year old's who are just about figuring out that there is more to life than "mar kothi" and "lagori" and I am sure the last thing they need to be reading about at their testostorone filled age is "how to satisfy your man/woman over the weekend".

Seriously, come on!! There is Cosmopolitan for all that crap. I say, its all done in bad taste and it aint good. If any of you have seen any of the images published in the god damm Bangalore Times, you'll know excatly what I am talking about. And the print.. Good Lord, the crap they try and educate you with. It gets worse over Saturday and Sunday too..

Someone needs to shoot down the people doing this to our morning papers. Then again, come to think of it, I could subscribe to "The Economic Times"..

Roadkill Blues

2005-07-25T10:10:00.000-07:00

Oh man, if any of you guys are the screaming types, don't read on (and no pun intended on the word screaming types)

I was getting back from work today and I have to take the intermediate ring road back home. It was late, it was a little dark too and it was raining. Somewhere almost near the end of the road, I was riding pretty slow, say 40 kmph or so, when I saw this Tata Sumo, definitely one working as a pick/up drop cab for some fucked up call center around town, pull up right behind me and overtake me. He was doing a good 80 kmph atleast, twice as fast as what I was doing. He overtakes me and just at that moment a dog crosses the road and BHAM!!

The fucker hits the dog on its hind legs and the dog goes airborne for about 5 seconds and lands a good 10-15 feet away, whimpering and badly injured. That mother fucker of a cab driver doesn't even care to stop and look. He just continues driving on the road like nothing ever happened.

And there I was, behind him, having witnessed it all. I had a dog lying on the road side in front of me and there was little I could do. I did stop, but the dog was almost dead, was just twitching its legs when I got near it. I felt really crappy. I wasn't attached to the dog or something, but I felt really crappy. I wish I could have done something, to help the dog survive or shove a hot iron rod up that cab drivers ass. Fucking mother fucker!

Anyways, what really pisses me off though is the fact that there are so many stray dogs in Bangalore. I could be all rude and blame the cabbie for driving fast. But I'd only be kidding myself. Dogs aren't meant to be on the road. They need to be at a home, safe from danger. I just hope someone does something, other than pick them up and electrocute them.
Divine intervention pleaseeeeeee...
I've had enough of this shit everyday. It saddens me.

Two Choices...

2005-07-23T11:17:00.000-07:00

I have reached that state of mind again when I dont have any clue about what to do next.
I mean I am having shit loads of fun, there is enough for me to do everyday, I love my job, yet, there are things that still bother me and I have absolutely no idea what to do about them

I've let them bother me all this while. I've made the conscious attempt to put it all behind me and look forward to a brighter day. Yet, I keep getting dragged down into the same shit all the time. The further I try to run away from it, the faster I realize that i am only running around in circles.

It wouldnt make much sense to any of you reading this, but I need to put this down for the prints that I'll be taking at the end of the year; to remind myself about how miserable life can be just cause of a thing or two that hasnt really left me.

But then again, in the words of Mark Knopfler

"Why worry, there should be laughter after pain,
There should be sunshine after rain,
These things have always been the same,
So why worry now.."

What the Futch

2005-07-20T12:27:00.000-07:00

Oh man, what crappy service.

I goto tell you all, dont ever get yourself a FUTCH number. You'll only end up getting screwed in the long run. Trust me.

Over the last one week, I've had very little time to do anything that I've wanted to do. Yet, I take time off to sit and post this message cause I care for you all (not really)

First of all, Futch managed to put me out of communication for nearly 16 hours when all they had to do wouldnt have taken them a mere 2 minutes [their confession]. I went to them to get my SIM card migrated from pre-paid to post-paid cause I get to claim my telephone bills from work. They take 16 hours to do that and in the intrim period, they put me out of communication. I did excatly what any other respectable human being would have done. I marched straight up to the Futch Shop and gave them a piece of my mind. They assured me that this would never be repeated.

We took off to Ooty to shoot an Ad. When I got back two days later, they barred all my incoming and outgoing calls cause apparently my verification wasn't done yet.

Hey wait a minute, what the fuck you guys talking about? I thought I wasnt going to be bothered anymore..

WRONG answer Doctor. Wrong fucking answer.
I walked into their Futch Shop again, got the issue sorted out, with the only difference being that two people assured me this time around.

A day passes by without any problems what so ever.

Yesterday though, my display suddenly read "Sim Card Authentication Failed"

Hey wait a minute, what the fuck you guys talking about? I thought I wasnt going to be bothered anymore..

WRONG answer Doctor. Wrong fucking answer.
I walked into their Futch Shop again, got the issue sorted out, with the only difference being that three people assured me this time around.

They activate it again.

Today, they bar all my Outgoing Calls again.

I have decided to give up my number and couldnt really care less if I have to get my number changed. Futch sucks and they can take their connection and stick it up their ass!

But then the problem is, everyone who knows me with relation to work has just this number and I cant help it but make do. Fuck futch. I am screwed.

Btw, I composited the image myself. Even I am as creative as those fucked up futch fuckers who figured out that fuckall futch campaign that I fell for and picked up this connection.

To those of you who are not on futch, stay away from them.

Old Habits Die Hard

2005-07-07T12:29:00.000-07:00

Just today while I was travelling to work, I swear to God, I saw nearly 7 people at various junctures of the road who were peeing on the road side.

I mean give me a fucking break man. Its 9:00 am in the morning. You've obviously done whatever you had to do when you woke up this morning. Like the regular stuff. Take a crap, and while your at it, you've obviously pee'd, and you've gone about doing whatever you do every morning. What amazes me though is, in a mere fraction of say 2 hours, how the fuck can you feel such a strong urge to pee again, that too on the road side?

Dont you fucking have any dignity? How badly is your image tarnished? Dont you care? I mean seirously, the guys I saw today aren't those guys who earn a living washing cars or something. They looked like guys who actually sat in a cement shop and sold cement or were people with enough money in their hands to afford a toilet. What pisses me off though is that they choose to pee on the side of the main fucking road. The same road used by hundred's of people just like me who've obviously seen these dudes letting go. What a fucked up image to begin your day with.

The cops should probably get a hold of all these fuckers and chop their dicks off. But the problem with that is that the fucking cops in our city tend to pee on the roads too. So basically, we are all fucked and we have to live with this image until Honda figures out something for us.

P.S: The image above is only a representation of something that I also noticed today painted on the Cash Pharmacy wall. Its not the actual photograph. Excuse the spelling mistakes.

Chain Mails

2005-07-03T20:41:00.000-07:00

I dont quite recall blogging about this, but hell, it pisses me off so much that I might as well.

These fucking chain mails totally piss me off. Its not like I asked for them or anything. Now call me a skeptic if you please, but for crying out loud, forwarding an email around isint going to change the world or buy Ann or whoever the fuck a new set of clothes cause she suffers from Cancer.

I dont want to be rude and hurt anyone's sentiments, but for fucks sake man, we've go to stop believeing in this crap and forwarding shit to everybody. It just doesnt work. Trust me!

If you'd trust anyone, please for crying out loud, trust me, IT DOESNT WORK!

Taken for granted that half of us never even read the contents of the god damm chain mails, yet we happen to read that one impact line, clearly put there for a reason by some smart ass fuck who wants to rule the world, and find it within ourselves to feel sympathy/empathy (never figured the difference in Philip's Class) towards that author and his cause and forward it to almost everyone on our mailing list.

How fucking STUPID.
Dont forward it to me.

Thank you

Yours,

Imagine!

2005-06-29T09:30:00.000-07:00

Now, I just joined work at a studio and I happen to work with this other guy. Dont get me wrong, I am not here bitching about him behind his back. I was just reminded by him today how much I really hate guys who sing songs when they dont really know the lyrics and dont sound good while singing that particular song.

"You may say I'm a dreamer,
But I am not the WONLY one"

were the only two lines he seemed to know of the song and he kept repeating it. And then he'd casually pretend like he knew the rest of the song but preffered to humm it instead and then would get back to the mentioned lines again.

What a piss off. Anyways, rest assured, he's not the wonly one with the problem. I am sure there are tons of them whom I need to stay away from.

Ugly Clothing

2005-06-21T10:31:00.000-07:00

Ok, now don't get me wrong and all, but I am all for fashion.
Maybe I aint the most fashionable of the lot. I'll wear white t-shirts and jeans almost anywhere. But I just hate it when people over do it. I don't have a problem when the people I meet dress the way the want to and are able to carry it off. But when they over do it, it just pisses me off.

I am sure we've all met a person or the other who wore something that didn't fit, if you know what I mean. Imagine meeting someone who'd wear jeans that are striped with black and pink. YUCK!
And to top it off, he's wearing a blue frilled shirt.

I cant explain it. It just looked pathetic. Felt like getting up from my chair and slippering him to death. I wouldn't want to even know that guy, let alone hang out with him in public. Thank God he wasn't one of my acquaintances.

Caught Red Handed

2005-06-20T11:15:00.000-07:00

Ok, I am really sorry for using his picture but hell, it looked nice and suited the context.

Dont you guys just hate it when you catch someone red handed doing something wrong and then confront that person and he/she just goes on and on lying about it and denying it, jumping from one lie to the other with the false hope that they wont get caught in the long run.

I certainly hate it and I couldnt care less if you guys hated it or not.
I mean when your caught, your caught. Why bother trying to make things up and lie about it and then worsen things? You should just be candid about it and get it over with, no matter what the consequences.

I feel like giving them one tight slap when they go on and on lying. I guess I have this knack of figuring things out and knowing for sure if a person is lying or not. Like that guy Dixit from college says, ask once and you'll get an answer, ask again and if he/she is lying by the forth question, your bound to be sure. I am kinda sure this theory works with all the bullshit that I get everyday from so many people..

I just hate it..

Its been a while

2005-06-18T01:04:00.000-07:00

I know its been while since I last posted, but thats maily cause of two reasons.
In the past couple of days, I've been awfully happy with the way things have been unfolding and I have had absolutely no problem with anyone, except maybe for an odd car driver or a guy in a bus spitting out of his window. But all in all, a wonderful last few days.

None the less, the two reasons being.
1. I was lazy
2. I was happy being lazy!

I hope something pisses me off today though so I can come back and be a woman about it..

Being Hurt

2005-06-03T02:13:00.000-07:00

hurt (hûrt)
n.

Something that hurts; a pain, injury, or wound.
Mental suffering; anguish: getting over the hurt of reading the letter.

meanings derived from www.answers.com

Being hurt can be such a piss off. I dont mean it in a physical way. I mean, if someone threw a punch at you, you'll just retaliate and throw a punch back. Thats settled. You wont go back home and think about it. You might think about it on the way back home, but its soon forgotten.

When you actually think about all the other things that have hurt you or caused you pain, you soon realized that it can be such a piss off to be hurt. When someone does something that affects you in one way or another and causes you pain, you cant really blame the other person but yourself. I am not going to explain why I said that, but I just realized today that for some odd reason, being hurt is always coupled with you feeling kinda pissed off with things. Moreso, venting out your anger.

Being hurt can be such a piss off.. if you know what i mean.

The Deadly Combination of Rain and Mud

2005-05-31T12:05:00.000-07:00

slush (slŭsh)
n.

Partially melted snow or ice.
Soft mud; slop; mire.

meanings derived from www.answers.com

First off, I know its been a long time since I posted last on the blog, but hell my brother got married and I was damm busy.
I am still busy running around doing all his stuff (no pun intended and no underlying subliminal messages either) and he's kinda pissed me off enough to run this blog for months, daily updated too with his ill planning and screaming for me every single minute of the day. Anyways, I take it as any good brother would and just keep quiet and do all that I can to help.

None the less, today, although I am still busy editing my brother's wedding video, I couldn't help but remind myself that I needed to document all this. The deadly combination of rain and mud which gives you "slush" is deadly alright.

If you are riding a bike like mine with absolutely no threading on the front tire cause you don't have money to replace the tire, then you're fucked. Moreover, if you stay somewhere in Gottigere as I do where nearly Â¼ of the roads are mud roads, you're fuuuucccked. Also, if you happen to live in Gottigere which is a slightly higher area than the rest of Bangalore which tends to get most of the rain, I think we already know what you're experiencing right now.

I slipped and fell today. Right into the mud and it was all mucky and stuff and I got all slush all over my jeans and my t-shirt. It fucking sucks let me tell you. Iwasn'tt riding fast, nor was I riding slow. I just slipped and fell cause of all the dampness on the road and my tires failing to have any traction with the road.

And since I fell and dirtied all that I had on, I am pissed off today!
Fucking shit!

Vegetarians

2005-05-19T13:21:00.000-07:00

Dont listen to what the pic has to say.
Fuck them vegetarians. Its like this alright. You host a dinner, call a bunch of people and order dinner. You assume that everyone is a meat eater, else why in the world would they be humans. I mean, go be a cow or something. That'd help solve two problems.
1. I wont have to hear you crib about the lack of nice tasting vegetarian food.
2. More meat for me.

If they are going to argue about eating other animals, I say, why stop at eating animals? Cause they are alive eh? Then what about them plants? Not alive?
Go ahead, crib. I dont give a rats arse. Bring your own food the next time you come house for dinner though. But come. I have no issues with you vegetarians coming home though. I just dont approve of your food choice.

I hate it that vegetarians wont touch anything made of umm.. meat/flesh/blood whatever! Its like an additional burden. Something that you've goto think about and care about cause they have to be taken care of. Like its some kind of disability or something. Now if one of my friend was confined to a wheel chair, I'd have hired additional guys to stand at the front door to help carry him in. Why the fuck do I goto bother about "vegetarians"?
Take only the gravy and stay away from the Kababs. Else, go become a cow. Its the order of the world. Man eat cow, cow eat plant/grass. Thus man gets cow and grass (no pun intended). What else could it be? Man eat grass, cow eat man and thus cow get man and grass? Grass eat cow, man eat grass, thus man get cow and grass!

Oh i could go on. The point being, i take time out from doing whatever I was doing (which included filling confetti into small pouches to be distributed at the wedding the day after tomorrow) and blogging about something cause VEGETARIANS piss me off shit loads!

Being Busy and Stuff

2005-05-16T13:50:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I am not going to be posting for atleast a week or somewhere close. Rest assured things will sure be pissing me off in the coming week, but I cant really help it. I got tons of running around to do. Afterall, my brother's getting married on the 21st. I know we've had our share of fights and our share of arguments and disagreements over the last 20 odd years, but I have no regrets. He's still my brother and although I hate to admit it, its nice to have a brother like him!

Anyways, one thing did piss me off a little` though. He just told me about an hour ago that I am supposed to be doing the toast for the reception in front of all those people. And then he just laughs. Very evilly. Now I am all puzzled as to what to say and stuff cause I swear to God, I've never done a speech at a reception, let alone a toast. Fucking shit..

None the less, cheers to my brother and his soon-to-be wife. Hope they have a peaceful life ahead of them for years to come.

If anyone of you should be kind enough to write me a toast speech, post it in the comments. I'll send you a cheque for 250 Rupees.

Car/Truck/Bus Horns

2005-05-13T00:39:00.000-07:00

Oh for fucks sake already, I wonder why they even bothered inventing the stupid HORN.
I mean, there is no practical reason for its existance. It doesnt help anyone. Doesnt do anyone any good. Then why invent it? Its like finding a way to make "lint". Why would anyone want to make lint eh? Its the same for them horns.

I was on my way back home today when there was a small traffic snarl caused by a bus. Now, I'd imagine that most us of stuck behind the bus were all educated in some school or college and we knew that bellowing our horns would not have any effect in clearing the traffic. Rather, it would only cause more noise and stress to all of us who had to hear the fucking horn go "beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep"

There comes this retard. I am sure he was a northie and a software professional at that. He was driving this Ford Ikon. He parks his fucked up car right behind me and without even waiting for 12 seconds, starts honking his balls off. He just goes on and on. I kept quiet for some 20 odd seconds after he started. Then I got pissed off and turned around and told him to "SHUT THE FUCK UP" in my regular 6'3"-large boned-loud voice way. He just looked at me. Didnt say a word after that and took his hands off the bloody horn. A few seconds later, the traffic cleared and we got moving. I am very sure him having to honk his balls off had nothing to do with getting the traffic cleared. It was obvious it was going to happen without him hitting that horn.

Trust me, that fucked up horn on your vehicle serves no purpose. It just manages to piss completely sane people like me off.
Fucking retards who use their horn for every thing including a stray plastic cover flying in the wind piss me off. Egaad!

Those Damm Ad Jingles

2005-05-12T11:19:00.000-07:00

I mean, fuck those guys who make those ad jingles man.
You know what I am saying?

Your about to sleep right. You turn on the fan at full speed, pull the sheets out, turn off the lights, get into bed, pull the sheets back on top of you covering half your body with atleast one leg outside the sheet to make sure that you feel that occasional mosquito bite and more importanly, the cool air blowing down from the fan, and then suddenly, out of nowhere, this fucking ad jingle that you heard on TV pops into your head.

You try hard to forget it quickly and just hit the sack. It doesnt work. You try even harder, but now you cant stop singing the song in your head. You turn sides. It just keeps coming back. You open your eyes, reach for that bottle of water lying near your bed, have a small drink of it, get back to lying on your pillow. This time its even worse. You try to count sheep, but then the sheep start singing the same song too. You can swear you can see the sheep lip synch the same bloody jingle. You just cant get it out of your head now. Your singing and singing and singing and singing....

Then, without your knowledge even, a good 2 hours have gone by. Dont ask me how, but you just fall asleep soon after.

I mean, fuck those guys who make those bloody jingles. It happens with catchy songs as well? I wonder though, why in this world dont I think of songs like "Coming Back to Life" or "Hey You" or "Black Muddy River" or "Scarlet Begonais" or something like that.. I mean I like those songs and hate those fucking jingles. I am sure the ad guy must be feeling mighty happy right now. Fucking bastard!!

Deceit and Deadly Lies

2005-05-11T00:04:00.000-07:00

de·ceit (dĭ-sēt')
n.

The act or practice of deceiving; deception.
A stratagem; a trick.
The quality of being deceitful; falseness.

lie² (lī)
n.

A false statement deliberately presented as being true; a falsehood.
Something meant to deceive or give a wrong impression.

meanings derived from www.answers.com

I just hate it when a good friend lies to you about something. I dunno how to explain it, but I am sure each and every one of us have had friends who've lied to us. Its like stupid, cause first of all, you're friends with them and considering that fact, they should be pretty honest about everything with you. If they arent, then they're not really friends cause I am guessing the first rule among friends is truthfulness and the one thing that friends respect among themselves in trustworthiness.

Anyways, it just sucks when a friend or anyone for that matter of fact lies to you. Then tries to decieve you and then try to cover it all up with some more lies. It kinda stinks cause all along you know what that person is really trying to do and all along you know the TRUTH.

It just pisses me off..

Umm... Scriptures!

2005-05-10T07:41:00.000-07:00

Now, before I post this entry, I would like to make an annoucement. I am not trying to be blasphemous or anything. I respect every single religion out there and dont really care which religion one follows cause it doesnt interest me nor bother me.

Having said that, I was chatting with my friend on MSN sometime back cause the thought was kinda pissing me off all evening. I was just thinking about what we Christians believe in and how most of the things written in the bible falls into place. None the less, I am pretty sure I've been told many a times about how incest is bad and not approved by the church. I am against it as well. Come to think of it, I would hate to know anyone who has the hots for his own mom/dad/brother or sister. That would just suck and make them a total fag.

Anyways, its amazing how we're here if not for incest if you go by what was taught to us in catecism classes. The following text is the text from the conversation I had with a friend. Here goes nothing.. If any of you are easily offended by bad words or controversial subjects, do not read on. I hope it explains what I am so pissed about..

Doctor Pissed says:
bro, if Adam and Eve were the first man and woman
Doctor Pissed says:
and they had two children who were both guys
holy mouli says:
yeah
Doctor Pissed says:
that means the kids fucked their mom right?
holy mouli says:
fukk u man, why cant they have kids where they are both guys
Doctor Pissed says:
how?
Doctor Pissed says:
who else did they fuck?
Doctor Pissed says:
the donkey?
Doctor Pissed says:
the snake who was apparently satan?
holy mouli says:
yeah i know tht
Doctor Pissed says:
so they must have fucked their mom or their sisters if they did have one..
Doctor Pissed says:
fucking incest right in the begining of our time and apparently we're not supposed to do it
holy mouli says:
listen they did it and they had kids, ok so they got a baby boy first
Doctor Pissed says:
how crappy
holy mouli says:
and then they got another baby boy again
Doctor Pissed says:
Dude .. dont be stupid on me
Doctor Pissed says:
Listen to me ..
Doctor Pissed says:
I'll make it simple to you
holy mouli says:
ok
Doctor Pissed says:
Adam is A ok?
Doctor Pissed says:
and Eve is B
Doctor Pissed says:
So adam+eve = c
Doctor Pissed says:
and once more adam+eve = d
Doctor Pissed says:
and c and d are both guys
Doctor Pissed says:
considering that a and b didnt plus again, they just have two kids who are both guys.
Doctor Pissed says:
so c+d wont give you shit
Doctor Pissed says:
so c must have +'ed with b
Doctor Pissed says:
or d must have +'ed with b to continue the fucking order right?
holy mouli says:
ok listen now
Doctor Pissed says:
and considering that a+b had another f who was a girl
holy mouli says:
C and D are fukkin small
Doctor Pissed says:
but when the grow up or whatever man
Doctor Pissed says:
dumbfuck
holy mouli says:
they cannot +ed with B
Doctor Pissed says:
how are there going to be any other women other than eve ba?
Doctor Pissed says:
you stupid lil` american brat
Doctor Pissed says:
your not making any sense
Doctor Pissed says:
who cares if they are small.... they are going to grow up..
holy mouli says:
say tht then no
holy mouli says:
dick
holy mouli says:
yeah they would have
holy mouli says:
and its obvious
Doctor Pissed says:
grow bigger dicks with brains that think only of sex all the time
Doctor Pissed says:
they'll hump the tree for a while
Doctor Pissed says:
and the occasional snake
holy mouli says:
and listen GOD granted them kids too
Doctor Pissed says:
but they are going to jump on their mom some time or the other
Doctor Pissed says:
what ballocks..
Doctor Pissed says:
INCEST i tell you
Doctor Pissed says:
and the bible tells me not to even think of it
holy mouli says:
dont u post anythin on it
Doctor Pissed says:
I am going to post this entire conversation..

So there you have it. Contradiction eh? Pisses me off..

Flat Tires

2005-05-09T07:54:00.000-07:00

Do any of you guys ride a bike? Doesn't matter actually, but I am just being kind by asking the people who are reading this blog.

I am sure each and everyone of us uses one form of transportation or the other. Using a bike can be very convenient. I mean, you can ride through traffic like it was no bother. You wouldn't have to be stuck in the traffic jams like the cars are. You can live on a shoe string budget if you have a 4-stroke bike even since you'll be spending just about 30-40 bucks on gas a day. Moreover, what could be more simpler than taking your bike out of the garage and heading out to wherever you are supposed to be heading out to and knowing for a fact that you'll make it there at whatever time you set out to make it there at.

Until and unless you have a FLAT.
Or as they call it back here in Bangalore, India, a puncture. Now, a small inconvenience like a bloody nail in your tire wont exactly make anyone happy. But unlike them four wheelers, you dont really carry a spare at the back now, do you. So what do you do? Push the bike to find the nearest 'puncture shop'. In the process, instead of having just one hole in your tube, you'll end up breaking the neck of the tube and rendering it useless and irreparable. So, what it actually means is that, you'll end up pushing your bike for nearly 10-20 minute and at the end of it, you'll end up spending nearly 120 bucks on a new tube.
And to add insult to injury, you end up being late to wherever it was you were heading out to.

Fucking punctures piss me off.

And just as an added note, as my friend was pushing his bike today and trying to find a puncture shop, I went to one guy who was dressed well and was from some company or the other, I am guessing call center (judging from the formals he wore and the id card he flashed which was hung around his neck - btw, that pisses me off as well, that ID card thing, but I'll blog about it some other day) and gestured to him. He spoke back to me in the most annoying fake accents ever and said "Yeaasss" and I was like "Err, where is the vulcanizing shop" (just to put him in his place and pretend like I was angraizee too) and he said "Eh? What" in that typical south Indian accent.. Then I just laughed and said "Puncture shop saar, puncture shop" ...
The fact of the matter being, his stupid pretence also pissed me off.. fucking dumbfuck! He must be blogging about me as well.. But who cares :)

Cheers to the Smarter People

2005-05-08T00:59:00.000-07:00

Today I was playing trivia online since I had nothing else to do. After watching the race, I figured, I'd either watch a movie or play trivia on mIRC and be cool. I choose to play trivia. While I was on the channel, there were a number of us playing there.

Now, I usually dont argue much, but there was this one guy who decided to argue about a question that apparently had a wrong answer, atleast according to him. I mean who really gives a fuck right? First of all, its trivia online. The points are not actually going to be converted into dollars and given to you at the end of the session, although that would be nice.

Someone else scores a point for answering "monocrystalline silicon" and this bugger takes off saying that he's some degree holder from some engineering college somewhere in the world and that he deals with silicon almost everyday and that there was no such thing as a monocrystalline silicon, or so he claimed. Now the guy who got the answer right on the other hand, didn't bother arguing with him. But I was pretty sure I'd heard of Solar Cells being made of monocrystalline silicon, so I jumped and went and quickly googled for an answer on monocrystalline silicon+solar cells. I found a nice elaboration on one site that said everything that needed to be said about the very fact. When I sent him the document, he didn't bother saying much. Infact he didn't even bring the topic up...

What pisses me off the most is the fact that some people pretend to know everything, when infact they know very little. And when you prove them wrong, all the arguments that they raised just fail surface. I wonder why..
Moronic imbecile!

Disagree

2005-05-07T00:16:00.000-07:00

Oh, images speak louder than words now, don't they?

Anyways, I hate it when people disagree with you. Especially when its something you firmly believe in. Now as a self respecting individual, I like to believe that all of us are free to do whatever we please to do. Should someone disagree with me or come in my way, I am only going to want to take him down with my new air gun (although I wouldn't succeed in killing the person, I am sure I'll hurt him/her good)

I was recently reading a blog on the Internet titled "Why I hate you" and knowing me and what I blog about, I thought it be very interesting for me to go through that person's blog. The guy who blogs over there is a person who identifies himself as Ivan. I am neither friends with him or know him personally. But I agree with some of his views. I am pretty sure he doesn't give a rats arse about what I think of his blog or his views and I am sure he couldn't care less for the people who left their nasty comments on his blog either.

Now lets examine the facts nice and easy.
1. spaces.msn.com is a blogging site that offers free space to anyone who wants to blog as long as that person has a MSN ID.
2. Once you've got a blog setup, you might as well frigging write about whatever you want to. No one argues with you.
3. If your blog is interesting, it should get quite a number of people viewing it on a daily basis just to humour themselves with it.
4. If your blog is uninteresting, who really cares, its your blog anyways, so it shouldn't matter to you if you get any page hits.
5. I am sure the interesting blogs' bloggers' don't really care much about page hits either.
6. Once you own the space and start bloggin, you wouldn't really care a shit about what other people have to say about your thoughts or opinions. Cause quite frankly, your just a lazy ass not to maintain a diary like any other 8 year old schoolgirl. But you choose to do it in public with a medium that they call the 'blog'.

Having said all that, I just hate it when people disagree with you. Even on the internet. Like we all don't have enough of the negative bullshit in real life already. I pity that guy Ivan. He sure brings up a few interesting facts about the world that we live in as of today. If anything, he should be appreciated and thanked for his services to the mediocre and the community at large.

So, to all you people who like to disagree with everything and anything, go shove a cucumber up your shit hole.

My Carpenter

2005-05-06T05:04:00.000-07:00

Guess what? I just did an image search for the word 'carpenter' on images.google.com and guess what popped up. About 148,000 images most of which had actual carpenters in them. Now there was just one common trait among all those images; every image with an actual carpenter had him holding a hammer or using it on something.

Anyways, the most vaguest thing happened today. For some reason my dad called a carpenter over at 9:30 in the night and had asked him to put some fiber sheet onto the bathroom doors, all 4 of them in our house. First of all, I find it very odd that my dad calls a carpenter over to our house at 9:30 in the night. Anyways, thats not what pissed me off. The fact that he took nearly 1½ hours to finish 3 doors before he reached my bathroom door which is just 2 feet away from this computer table made me realize that something is going to piss me off about him working here and i am not going to like it much.

So he gets to my room at about 11:00 pm in the night and gets inside my bathroom and locks the door from the inside. He then yells, "light dhaloo saahab". So I switch the lights on inside the bathroom since he doesnt know how to work a two-way switch. Anyways, once in there, he doesnt make a noise for nearly 14 minutes. Or maybe he did. But he wasnt loud about it. Then suddenly, without warning, he pulls out his hammer and starts hammering nails into the door making a loud noise. Dab Dab Dab... Dab Dab... Dab Dab Dab!

He goes on like that for nearly 20 minutes. Everytime he hammers a nail in, he maks a loud noise and I either twitch or blink my eye when it happens. Dunno why though, but I kept doing that. That loud noise just got to me and I started snapping at all my friends whom I was chatting with online too. It was just getting way too annoying for me to handle. Then I got fed up with him and banged on the door from the outside and asked him to stop. He then calmly tells me that he's done.

The fucking chooth. I am sure he was done long before the 20 minutes of hammering and was just doing it to piss me off. Or piss my dad off cause he knew they were sleeping in the room right below my room since he had worked there and then come up to my room. None the less, he fucking pissed me off with his loud hammer! Fucking Chooth!

Stop Changing the Spellings - BITCH

2005-05-05T00:53:00.000-07:00

So I was chatting with this friend of mine who is off studying in Oklahoma right now and he was telling me about how his first term is ovah and how he has nothing else to do now. He's finished all his projects and basically everything is ovah for him, so he's kinda bored.

Wait, did you notice - OVAH?

I mean what the fuck man. Till sometime back, when you used to stick around here in Bangalore, you did take the trouble and type that "OVER" but now that your american, you dickwart, suddenly its ovah eh?

Choothya, dont try to pull that shit with me alright. You fucking grew up in Bangalore and it will always be OVER. Saala!
I've noticed many of my other friends who've travelled or stayed abroad for a long period of time to start following the same trend as well. Akkan yenollai?

Shut the Fuck Up Already!!

2005-05-04T08:27:00.000-07:00

Ever recieved a hundred messages in your inbox because your part of a yahoogroup or two? Lets be honest about one thing. Who really gives a damm eh?
Now I could be all nice and all and keep writing back to these groups by telling them how I spent my weekend when I went paragliding and then i happened to land on a huge green piece of untouched land and then just spent the whole evening gazing at the sky, BUT THAT DIDNT FUCKING HAPPEN SO I AM NOT GOING TO FUCKING WRITE ABOUT IT!!

If your everyday is as mediocre as mine, why would you bother filling your friends in on the same old same old bullshit? Like they dont have enough shit to be bothered about anyways. But then again, many of you might suggest that I unsubscribe from the group's mailing list. That would be an option now, wouldnt it? Except for the fact that all the people on that list might meet me in the coming week and question me about why I removed myself from the list and go on and on about what a piece of shit I am and so on and so forth.

So here I am, blogging about it. Venting it all out. If anyone of them should read this blog (not the ones that have already read this space, you guys are cool) I dont give a damm! So, STFU already!

Superstitions

2005-05-03T11:21:00.000-07:00

su·per·sti·tion (sū'pər-stĭsh'ən)
n.

An irrational belief that an object, action, or circumstance not logically related to a course of events influences its outcome.
1. A belief, practice, or rite irrationally maintained by ignorance of the laws of nature or by faith in magic or chance.

meaning derived from www.answers.com

Swami: OMG OMG! Dont tell me you killed a snake...
Me: Err, yeah I did. Just sometime back.
Swami: OMG OMG! Your bloody going to die. Did you pour milk on it and offer prayers?
Me: You mad? I dont even go to church for crying out loud.

Well, basically, a cobra was stuck on the railing right outside my backdoor tonight and as my dad was coming back inside the house after hanging his towel outside, he heard a loud hiss and with his reflexes as he looked up, the cobra was just retracting after trying to strike my dad on his head.

As anyone would do, he came inside and told us and we all went outside and tried to move the fellow. I am against killing snakes, let alone any animal, but we tried for nearly an hour to get the snake to budge and move, but he didnt move an inch. Quite contrary to what you guys must be thinking right now, we didnt make any loud noises or a lot of movement to aggrevate the bugger. We just let him be there and moved away hoping that in an hour he would gradually move away. But he didnt. It was already 10:30 in the night and having a pretty large cobra hanging outside your backdoor while we slept all night long wasnt really a pleasant idea. So the gardner we have called Ramanna took an impromptu decision and ended the snakes life, cause we knew that if it wasnt for Ramanna doing so, someone might have been hurt in the morning. I know many of you are going to probably argue with me saying that "he was probably more scared of us than we were of him and stuff" but these are just somethings that dont fit into the "lets talk about it" category. What was done, was done. I do feel bad for the snake, but not as bad as I would have felt for say my dog who if the snake had decided to strike at in the night or for my mom who the snake might have struck the next morning when she goes out to the garden to pick mint and accidently steps on its tail. So, sorry snake!

Anyways, what pissed me off the most today wasnt the snake and all the trouble and scare it caused, but the superstitions of a particular religion. I am not trying to be blasphemous or anything, but hell man, there were some uneducated house contruction folk living around our house and heard about us killing the cobra and all and they began to murmur stuff like, "they better pour milk and offer it eggs and some prayers, else it might come back in the afterlife and attack and kill them all, ayyoooo ayyooo"
I mean, with all the fucking problems we're already having trying to get rid of a dead snake, the last thing I need is these people pissing me off. SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!!

P.S: We did try calling a number of animal care centers, but none of them wanted to help with capturing a cobra. When we tried the Bannergatta National Zoo, no one even answered the phone. So much for caring people at the santuary and the pet care center eh?

Cockroaches

2005-05-02T00:12:00.000-07:00

cock·roach (kŏk'rōch')
n.

Any of numerous oval, flat-bodied insects of the family Blattidae, including several species that are common household pests.

[By folk etymology from obsolete cacarootch, from Spanish cucaracha, from cuca, caterpillar.]

meanings derived from www.answers.com

Umm, who doesnt hate cockroaches? I mean, what the fuck right. What in this world are cockroaches doing here? I mean, if God did exist, why in this world would he think of making an insect like a cockroach?

When you get back home after a long day sometime at 7:30 in the night, the last thing you'd want is for a flying cockroach to come and land on your shoulder and freak you out. I hate them cockroaches and the one that landed on my fucking shoulder died today. And that's just a warning to all his brothers and sisters. Come get some, bitches.

Note to Self: The traffic situation on Bannergatta Road also pissed me off today, but not as much as that mother fucker of a cockroach.

Stupid Shops

2005-05-01T10:39:00.000-07:00

I hate it when you make up your mind to go shopping and you try and hit as many shops as possible only to find out that all the shops that you are going to visit dont have the things that you intend to buy.

Today, I went out shopping for a few new pairs of jeans and some t-shirts. I am the old fashioned guy who hates faded jeans and the likes. I am not into the new age stuff. It just ticks me off that someone would pay 1,500 odd bucks for a pair of faded jeans, which would in turn fade even more and render the pair unusable, except if you wanted to look stupid wearing a pair of jeans that had a whole lot of white around the thigh areas and blue or black elsewhere. I also hate the fact that good ole jean manufactures come out with designs that look absolutely stupid, if anything. Infact, almost all the shops are filled with jeans from brands like Levis, Pepe and the likes with jeans that have claw marks and other ugly stuff on them. Who the fuck would want to wear jeans that give out a message that you were just mawled by a tiger for crying out loud.

So there I was, at this shop and I ask the guy there to find me a pair of 517's or 530's and he pulls out about 12 different colours, all of which are faded or have some other ugly shit on them. I tell him that I am looking for plain good ol` Levis without all the jazz and he says that he doesnt have any stock of those kind of jeans anymore.

I am like, what the fuck man. Give me my jeans that I like. The not-faded good looking types. He asks me to come back after a week. The same story everywher. What's happening to the world? Dont I get a chance to live here anymore? Give me my good ol` jeans for crying out loud. I dont want to walk the streets of Bangalore looking like I was born in the suburbs of New York with the rest of the Rap Community or for that matter of fact, in a jungle where I was mawled by many a tiger. Fuck, I want to be the coal miner that I always was.

Fucking chooth shop keepers!

Plaza Theater

2005-04-29T00:28:00.000-07:00

Although the image aint excatly that of Plaza Theater, I have to confess that its pretty close to how Plaza looks as of date.

I watched this movie called Cinima Paradiso today. Although I hate myself for having not seen the movie till date cause its a wonderful movie, I am kinda pissed off about a few things that the movie reminded me off.

One such instance is the fact that I heard recently that they were going to close down Plaza Theater on M.G. Road in Bangalore to make way for something new age, like a multiplex or something. Now, I for one, cant gurantee the fact that its going to be pulled down, but hell, its a part of the movie history in Bangalore.

I remember, quite sometime back, when "The Day of the Jackal" released, there was no Rex, nor was there a Symphony. All we had was Plaza. My dad picked up 3 tickets. One for him, one for my brother and one for me. I even remember that he had a friend at work. I cant remember the aunty's name, but her husband worked or co-owned Plaza or something and he got us balcony seats through her. Anyways, it was my first movie and I can recall every minute that I spent in that theater, all astonished and stuff.

Anyways, I think this was some good 15-17 years ago. Who'd ever think that I would still dwell on that facination that I had for the movies and choose for it to be a part of my career eh? None the less, not to stray away from the post, I am kinda pissed off by the fact that they're tearing down a piece of history and paving the way for the new. Although I must admit, I might be posting this out of nostalgia created by watching Cinima Paradiso, but hell, I for one, genuinely feel bad. I take it that you guys get the message from the way I've spelt the word genuinely that its all heartfelt.

But for some odd reason, I cant help but get pissed off when I hear them say "the old has to make way for the new". It just pisses me off..

Boohoooo!!!

!!! SPLASH !!!

2005-04-28T10:46:00.000-07:00

splash (splăsh)

v., splashed, splash·ing, splash·es. v.tr.

To propel or scatter (a fluid) about in flying masses.
To scatter fluid onto in flying masses; wet, stain, or soil with flying fluid.

meaning derived from www.answers.com

So there I was, riding my bike back home and it was raining a bit. Everything was going well, until this huge fucking truck rode past me with great speed and in the process happened to splash all the water that had been collected on the road due to all the rain right on my face.

Now, two reasons why i am pissed off today.

1. Fucking truck splashing all that water on my face
2. The pathetic drainage system that we have here in Bangalore that actually lets rain water get clogged up and in the process, happen to collect in puddles on the road which in turn are used by truckers to splash water over unsuspecting bikers like me.

FUCKING SHIT, not only did i get drenched in the rain, but thanks to that stupid trucker, I even got my shirt all dirty.

Peace Frog

2005-04-27T09:37:00.000-07:00

Ok so hey..
I ran over this frog today and lets just say I am not really in high spirits about it.

I am kinda pissed off with myself for having run over him. I mean, it was dark. I was riding back home and I couldnt see much on the road. To add insult, there was also a tad bit of rain.

So there I am, on my bike. Perched some 4 feet off the ground and expected to notice a tiny little frog hopping around on the ground. As luck would have it, I didnt miss him and felt a small nudge of my tire as I rode over him.

I even went back to check if I had actually run over him and it seemed pretty obvious with him lying there, stationary.

Anyways, I am pissed off with myself for having run over that frog today. Poor chap!

Fuck You!!!!

2005-04-25T13:01:00.000-07:00

I've just pulled up some random image that I found on google and put it here by converting it to b&w in PS and just adding a lil` text and I dont really give a fuck for the guy who originally owned this image anyways.

Having said that, I fucking hate that dickwart who spat on me today. I remember I blogged about spitting and how I hate it when these fucking retards stick their heads outside the bloody bus windows and then just spit away on the road outside without giving a fuck for gravity, physics, velocity of the wind and most importantly, the bike riders who are about to overtake that same fucking bus from the side that they are spitting onto.

Today, while I was headed to Koramangala, I overtook one such bus from the right side of the vehicle and thanks to my lucky stars, one old man, in all probability a villager spat right out of his window. We're not talking about a small blob. We're talking about a huge mother fucker ... the size of that flem-covered-salvia filled blob was atleast the size of my palm if we had to lay it out on my palm. Anyways, it just flew across and came and landed right on my shoulder. I mean what the FUCK!!!!

I am sorry if I've used way too many abusive words in this one post, but I just felt very disgusted with my jacket and didnt even wear it after the incident. I just took it off, purchased a plastic cover and put it in and brought it home. [note: to add insult to injury, it rained today]

Anyways, the fucking dickhead pissed me off, although he was old and I should probably cut him some slack, i still hate him and thanks to what he did, he's registered in my blog for good.

Digging In the Nose

2005-04-24T08:18:00.000-07:00

I mean, come on.. There's a time and place for everything right?

Today, while I was out in the morning on some errands, I couldnt quite help but notice one guy waiting at the shop where I was at going about digging his nose quite extensively.

I mean, its alright if he did it discreetly enough, but he didnt seem to care. He just kept digging and digging for more and more. I was watching him every step of the way and trust me, those facial expressions that he had on him while he was going at it were worth a photograph. Unfortunately enough, I dont like camera phones and dont own one. So, sorry.

Anyways, if the queen mother can do it, why can't he eh?
None the less, watching him collect his stuff with the same fucking hands and then walk back home was quite disturbing and to say the least, pissed me off quite a bit.

Hatred

2005-04-22T13:15:00.000-07:00

hate (hāt)

v., hat·ed, hat·ing, hates. v.tr.

1. To feel hostility or animosity toward.
2. To detest.
To feel dislike or distaste for: hates washing dishes.

v.intr.

To feel hatred.

meaning derived from www.answers.com

For some reason, over the past few days/weeks I havent been able to update this blog everyday like I had set out to. I wanted to make this a daily thing to remind myself over the years about all the things that piss me off.

Anyways, I wasnt able to update my blog for quite a few days now thanks to the fact that I've been very busy helping my brother get things organised for his wedding and clearly enough, a number of things have pissed me off while running around to get things in place.

I think I'll write about each and every one of them on the days that I cant really seem to put my finger on that 'one' thing that pisses me off on that one particular day. None the less, I havent really kept up to my promise to myself of updating this everyday and thus not living up to my promise kinda pisses me off. Thus, I hate myself.

So, for all those days that have passed without a post of mine, I apologise to myself. Not accomplishing something that I set out to do sucks and pisses me off.

My Friend, Dalda

2005-04-13T11:01:00.000-07:00

Dalda

Any cuisine in South Asia including India, Pakistan and its neighbouring countries is probably never complete without some tasty recipes from the DALDA brand of hydrogenated vegetable oils, characterised by their typical flavor. The story goes that it used to be imported in the '30s from the Netherlands by a trader called Dada & Co. When Hindustan Lever limited got into the picture and wanted to brand it, the trader, who still retained a commercial connection with the product, said it had to be named after his company. HLL wanted to include the letter 'L' in it for Lever (of the UniLever group), and thus was born one of the longest-living brands in India. Dalda, which came to be synonymous with the vanaspati (hydrogenated vegetable fat) genre, was recently extended to a range of edible oils.

meaning derived from www.answers.com

I looked up www.answers.com, didnt find an 'apt' answer for this dude. He's a friend alright. A good one at that too. But like he claims ever so proficiently on his blog, he fucking manages to piss people off for no good reason..

Now yesterday, I happened to have a small lil` argument with him. Although nothing serious, I must admit, it got me pretty darn worked up. Now, I am not the kind of guy who'll go about arbidly lying to his friends. Atleast not the one's I know well and keep in contact with on a daily basis. So, he sends me this link about the next edition of the game Need for Speed. Little did he know that I had already heard about the very news from another friend quite sometime back. Being the egoistic bitch that he is, although I know for a fact that he is not really egoistic or anything but was just being so to piss me off, he went on arguing with me that I was lying to him and he got me all worked up and all..

Anyways, that feeling didnt last long. Although its nice to know a guy like Dalda, I must say, he's managed to piss me off for not having added him to this blog. Beat that..
Stupid twit :)

Now, I am sure he's going to post a million comments or come close to posting the million comments about how I suck and how he's the ruler of the world and so on and so forth, I just have one thing to say to him .. Up yours BIATCH!! heh!

Pimples

2005-04-11T15:11:00.000-07:00

pim·ple (pĭm'pəl)
n.

A small swelling of the skin, usually caused by acne; a papule or pustule.

meaning derived from www.answers.com

Luckily, I dont suffer from many pimples. But I can just about imagine how it feels for those people with shit loads of pimples on their faces.

Today, I got back from a nice lil` haircut and a shave and I must have had an alergic reaction to the blade that the barber used on me cause out of nowhere a pimple just came up on my face. Now, there's nothing wrong with pimples, but their mere existance can be such a piss off, dont you think?

I kept scratching, making it worse, cause this was one of those rare things that happens to me. I absolutely hate it cause with all the scratching, the thing has grown and I have stopped scratching it now with the fear that it'll soon develop to be the size of my head even. Anyways, having a pimple on your face can be such a piss off, esp when your not used to having on there.

MisUnderstanding

2005-04-03T07:59:00.000-07:00

mis·un·der·stand·ing (mĭs'ŭn-dər-stăn'dĭng)
n.

A failure to understand or interpret correctly.
A disagreement or quarrel.

meaning derived from http://www.answers.com/

Dont you just hate it when you have a misunderstanding?
I am not talking about the kind of misunderstanding that the image is set to create. For heavens sake, she's just helping him get that tire on the rim, thats all. Pervert.

Anyways, having a misunderstanding with someone very close to you can be a real piss off.. Today was one such day when I had this argument which was caused by a misunderstanding with a good friend of mine and at the end of it all, it left me pretty pissed off, both with my friend and myself.

I just hate it..

Power Failure

2005-04-01T22:38:00.000-08:00

power outage

A power outage is the loss of the electricity supply to an area.

meaning derived from www.answers.com

I hate power cuts. Especially when they interfere with your day to day activities. Like today, without any warning in the newspapers and all, the power company just decided to cut power for nearly 4 hours. I dont see the reason why they had to pull it off.

When I called them up, they told me that a tree had fallen over the lines and had snapped the power. I believed them. Then my brother woke up about ½ an hour later and he called them up without knowing that I had already called them up and they told him that the road work was going on on the main road and thus they had to remove the power. When I figured out what they'd told my brother, I knew they were bullshitting us. I made my mom call them up after nearly an hour after my brother's phone call to them and they told my mom that a transformer had blown up.

It was pretty evident with all the lies flying around that they had deliberately snapped our power supply and wanted to trouble the whole area that we lived in. Sadistic mother fuckers. Anyways, power cuts piss me off. I cant stand them.

School Assembly

2005-04-01T08:20:00.000-08:00

school¹ (skūl)
n.

An institution for the instruction of children or people under college age.
An institution for instruction in a skill or business: a secretarial school; a karate school.

as·sem·bly (ə-sĕm'blē)
n., pl. -blies.

A group of persons gathered together for a common reason, as for a legislative, religious, educational, or social purpose.

meaning dervied from www.answers.com

Generally, school assemblies dont piss me off. I've enjoyed them while I was at school, quite sometime ago. I remember how we all used to have a blast gathering together outside the basketball court waiting to herd along to the auditorium..

Anyways, so much for sweet memories. School Assemblies can be cool when your at school and stuff, but when your grow old and stay next to a god damm school, trust me, its not all that fun. I live next to a school called "Silicon Valley School" and it follows the regular timings any school follows. Unfortunately, I dont. I sleep very late in the night cause its really hot and rather than wriggling around in my bed for countless hours trying to find the right position to sleep cause of all the heat, I'd rather stay up and play some Need for Speed Underground 2 on the PC and then sleep at like 4 or 4:30 in the morning.

Now, every morning the school kids are supposed to gather in the field, which by the way, happens to be right outside my bed room window. They bellow their lungs out while they are busy playing cricket, among other things. I am sure each and every one of them kids from the school screams the loudest in the morning. They are supposed to have an assembly every morning at 8:30, which btw happens to be just 4 hours into my sleep time and thats excatly when I am in real deep slumber.

Anyways, today, all these kids had their last working day and like always, they managed to make a ruckus outside on the field. Thanks to them, I just slept for 4 hours today and I was woken up by their musings on the field. I hate them kids for screaming like the way they did this morning. If I had a gun, I'd shoot down every one of them..

Charging Cows Seldom Miss

2005-03-30T23:52:00.000-08:00

Among other animals that have recently managed to piss me off, today I feature - The Cow. Atleast, the Indian Cow at that..

Now, although these animals are relatively peaceful beings, put them on the field around the bastketball court which is adjacent to the football field and also has a small seating area where truck loads of 19 year old meet up every evening to smoke some pot and they can be very violent.

While I was busy at my game of basketball, I noticed a cow which was acting rather strange and fierce. When the ball went dashing outside the court, one of us had to go and get it. Now as the ball went towards the fence at great velocity, it managed to catch the eye of the cow and she began approaching the ball, all ready to jab its horns into it. Being the most courageous 22 year old basketball players that we all were, none of us volunteered to go and get the ball. Thus, we lost nearly 30 minutes of game play cause we had to wait for the fucked up cow to walk away from the ball so that one of us could go and get it.

The main reason none of us made that illusive move to go and fetch the ball was because in the past, that cows ancestors have charged quite a few of our friends who've had to run for their lives and then to be left embarrassed by the situation for life, like a scar!

Anyways, cows around the basketball court piss me off. They charge and also manage quite a bit of dung near the sidelines which can be very pissing off, should one step into a cake..

Fat-headed Shopkeeper

2005-03-29T22:53:00.000-08:00

shop·keep·er (shŏp'kē'pər)
n.

One who owns or manages a shop.

meaning derived from www.answers.com

Ever met a shop keeper who's pissed you off? I am sure that each and everyone in this world has met one shop keeper or the other who's really pissed them off, so I can feel safe in knowing that I am not the only victim..

None the less, today I went out to purchase a few electronics in one of those market places about 20 km away from home. Not that the trip till there was agonising, but once we got there, almost nobody had what we wanted. It was really pissing off to see so many shops with so many different products, but with not a single shop keeper having the electronic item that I needed.

Anyways, when we went to one such shop, I saw this really short lil` dick behind the counter. At first glance itself, I knew that the prick was a shrewd cunning mother fucker. When I asked him if he sold what I needed at his shop, he threw his head back, as if to indicate how stupid my question was and then looked at the shop keeper opposite to him and threw in a laugh.

Being the short-tempered person that I am, i snapped back at him and it soon grew into an argument. Now, i am not going to explain what really happened there, but rest assured, that bitch pissed me off for no fault of mine..

Barking Dogs

2005-03-29T09:07:00.000-08:00

Oh man, remember I mentioned earlier on this blog about a dog that always chases me around? Today, I had to pick up some stuff from my neighbours house and he has a dog called "Ronnie". Fucking Ronnie is a mother fuckin` lil twit. He's one of those wicked lil` bastards who likes stealth and shit. The fucker always barks at me when I pass by their house to get to my place. Like everyday, he'd be waiting on the stairs for me to pass and he'll just bark his ass off as soon as I pass him by. Now, i aint no fool, but given the chance, I am sure he'll chew my hand off, or for that matter of fact, my balls off.

Today, while waiting for my neighbour to come out and give me whatever he had to give me, the dog was, for some odd reason, confined on the terrace. That lil` ronnie was staring at me from the terrace and barking at me throughout the time that I stood out there, waiting. I looked at him just once and I knew for a fact that he was pissed off with me. The best part is, I've done nothing wrong to him over the past year or two since he's arrived. Oddly enough, he has this hatred only towards me and I know this for a fact cause there are a few cops that patrol the area after dark and they convey from place to place on a bike similar to mine. This ronnie, mother fucker that he is, doesnt bark at them at all. He just sits there and watches them. But then again, he goes berserk when I pass..

Fucking chooth pisses me off. Ronnie you lil` twit. I am going to shoot you down one of these days. Borrow my friends rifle or something and gun you down, you bastard you..