The World Was Created by the Devil

Fuck this world man. No, really, FUCK THIS WORLD!!!

Now, I was just thinking to myself yesterday when I was riding my bike and it all fell into place for me. Nothing really sparked this thought off, but for fucks sake, it all fell into place. Atleast for me. If any of you guys are religious and all that jazz, stop yourself from reading on. I am just ranting cause I want to and don't want to offend anyone.

Going by the theory of intelligent design and all that blah blah, this world was made by God. Now, if you and I were to believe that shit, then why the fuck would God want to do this to us man. I mean come on now really. If you guys have noticed, 90% of all the things that you want, like, desire are always BAD FOR YOU. I mean what kind of a sadist of an intelligent designer would do something like that to us?

Right from the beginning of time, out of all the things that God had to forbid Adam and Eve to eat, he choose the apple. The ripe sweet awesome looking apple. Not the crappy green yucky cabbage or any of that jazz. He had to choose the apple. Obviously Adam couldn't take it anymore and plunged on the apple the minute he got the chance. And that my friend was termed a sin. Yeah my fucking ass!! He just ate the apple cause he wanted to. God damm it!! [hehe, god damm it I said, hehehe]

Anyways, moving right along, like I said earlier, everything that you really want is bad for you. Like that hot chick you see one day and you know she's right for you on one hand. On the other, you know if you took her home and introduced her to your mother, one glance of her sleeveless top and those sexy tight Levis L-530's or whatever it is those hot women wear with their shades and their ciggies and your mom will forbid you from ever meeting her. Even sweet mum's like mine will show doubt in their eyes when meeting people like this, although you know for a fact that she's right for you, common sense and everyone around you will warn you with crap like "she's bad for you man/dude/beta/son/whateverthefuck"

You want to have a fucking ice cream just when it begins to get hot and that's also bad for you. Sure it'll end up messing around with your fucking system and will give you a terrible cold just when summer starts, but for fucks sake, if you want to eat an ice cream, you should be allowed to, without people telling you not to have it. You want to get wet in the first rains and you'll hear someone or the other yelling "Dont get wet in the rain".

How about those nice looking chips? Or a Twix bar just before you hit the sack. We all know you want it, but can you have it? NO YOU FUCKING DIMWIT, you cant.

In all honesty, FUCK YOU!!! [to that inner voice]

I can go on and on about this fucking shit and it'll only end up pissing me off more and more. All I goto conclude is, if God wanted us to be living happily, he wouldn't have made sure that all the things we love the most are the things that end up being BAD for us. Now that just doesn't equate right, like 2 and 2 make 5 or something.

POMS - The Mother of All Piss Offs

Pom·er·a·ni·an (pŏm'ə-rā'nē-ən, -rān'yən)
n.

1. Any of a breed of small dogs having long silky hair, a foxlike face, pointed ears, and a hairy ail curling over the back. These dogs are the Mother of All Piss Offs the world over. Shoot everyone of them at sight and dont think twice about cutting them into small pieces either.

I think thats more than enough no? Fucking mother fucking bastard breed of a dog only these Poms are. They dont deserve to live on our planet. They need a planet of their own. I am officially issuing a "Kill the mother fuckers warrant" against all living Poms. Each and everyone of you reading this blog is free to kill as many poms as you guys sight and are free to point to this website and the "Kill the Mother Fuckers Warrant" that is in bold letters after doing so if questioned.

They dont serve a purpose. They arent cute. Thus they cant be pets. They cant be guard dogs if they can be run over by a bicycle. What the fuck are they going to guard? Their balls? They have this annoying face that no one can stand. They also have the worst bark in dog land. I mean really, who the fuck gives a damm about their worthless lives? NO ONE. Thus I say, kill them all.

Today as I was coming back home, this small little twit of an animal they call a Pom came running out a gate and charging at my leg. Since I was riding and wearing nice Converse Floaters, i kicked the mother fucker in the face. Then i stopped the bike, had a huge argument with his owner and told him to keep this dog tied to his gate else I am just going to run him over with my bike. He didnt even bother asking me why. I think he knew the answer already!!

In all fairness to the breed, I am not going to rant about them any further. I just think this breed of dog is by far the biggest piss off in the planet.

Bad Luck!

Bad luck just sucks don't it?
Been running through some pretty shitty luck lately which just brought me about to question myself. I actually sat and thought for a while on a trip to a beach resort recently (which also explains the delay in updating my blog) about me. Thought about if I was a bad person and deserved all the darned luck I was getting off late with everything that I did.

For fucks sake, its been bad. Else it wouldn't be pissing me off this bad.
On this trip alone, I've had more bad luck than in the last 5 years. Or maybe I am just more conscious about it now cause I was thinking about all the "bad luck" so much. Whatever it was, it was pissing me off.

The minute we got into the Beach Resort called Turtle Bay - which by the way happens to be one the most brilliant places in Karnataka, second only to Devbagh in Karwar maybe, everyone checked into their rooms. To my luck, we got the last fucking room with a low roof. Now, not only was the fucking fan making enough noise to compete with my dad's snoring, the fucking fan just refused to cool the room. We even kept the mother fucking door and the windows open, yet, no fucking cool air in the room.

Anyways, I didn't want to fight it, so I just went out and slept on one of those hard cement things shaped like a fucking bed. It was hard, but the sea breeze made it all feel good. The morning came and we all jumped into the water. Now I aint a very good swimmer, but I get around. To my, or rather our bad luck, it was a day before "Amawase" which basically translates into "no moon day" or something like that. The waves were pretty rough, but that isn't the bad luck bit I am talking about. It was nothing that any average joe couldn't handle. To my luck though, everytime I jumped into the water, after about 2-3 minutes, I'd get stuck between 2 waves with a strong undercurrent and would be pulled down and sucked right in. I'd only come out of the water a few seconds later with enough salt water in my stomach, eyes, nose and ears. Trust me, the feeling aint that good. Now if it happened once, I'd shun it off as nothing significant. It happened more than 4 times, each time only after I got into the water. I mean, come on, I cant have that much bad luck.

It was evening now. Everyone ordered for something to drink. Most of them settled for Coffee/tea cause that's what they wanted. I don't drink Coffee or Tea so I asked for a Fresh Lime Juice cause that's something that I like. He said they didn't have Limes. So I asked for some Tender Coconut Water. He said no to that as well. All he had was Watermelon and Chickoo Juice, both of which I hate to the core. Sheeeeeeeeeeeeesh!!

Couple all that with a driver with shit loads of bad attitude and trust me, you cant attribute it to anything else but bad luck, which by the way, pisses me off to the core.

All in all though, barring all the bad luck, it was one sexy LONGGGGGGGGGGGG overdue holiday that I needed very badly.
Cheers to some good fun with the family.

Oh! The Pains..

I thought I'll take a swing at what was happening in the city over the last couple of days, but I knew the job was meant for people with greater abilities of expressing the sentiments of the average bangalorean to dig into the Raj Kumar issue, so I stayed away and waited for them to put up their post. Read it, totally agree with it and discussed shooting all the mother fuckers down with my friends as well. That is the only way. Kill the bastards.

Then I thought I'll take a swing at the guy who took a swing at me in my last post. Under the comments section. Some dickhead who doesn't deserve another mention, nor a link. Decided against it cause it wasn't worth my time or my blog space.

But the other thing that has been pissing me off over the last few days was my trip to the dentist. First of all, I hate dentists. I hate the idea of going to the dentist cause I have no happy associations with the visit to the dentist. I am guessing no one does. I hate the pain, the sound, the everything about the dentist.

To my bad luck though, I haven't been taking care of my teeth lately. I've been eating junk food late in the night, not brushing before going to bed and waking up late, all which lead me to have 4 cavities and the need to get 1 root canal. Obviously, I tried to find the best dentist possible and with folks from the hospital line, that wasn't a problem. I managed to track down a very good consultant who was consulting at a hospital in Indiranagar who worked under my dad for sometime.

Now, don't get me wrong. He sure is good at his craft. But the problem was, he suggested that I let him use a Root Canal Specialist to get my root canal done and then he'd move on to filling my cavities and taking care of the rest of my dental ailments. I agreed. [read: the biggest mistake of my life]

The irony of the situation is, the mother fucking specialist ended up screwing up my fucking tooth even more than it actually was. Let me tell you guys what happened. I went to the dentist on Friday. The bastard gave me a local anesthetic to numb the pain and started drilling my tooth. He then took small metal pins and started digging out my nerve. From the way he was going, I obviously assumed he was good at it. He ended up cleaning and irrigating my canal (as gross as that sounds) in 15 minutes flat. With very little pain I might like to add. I was amazed and truely believed he was a specialist and was thankful to the doctors who suggested I get it done with him. Then he called me over to his table and said, "I'll see you on Tuesday and we'll complete it then. I'll put the permanent filling then". He then sent me packing.

I was so happy to get out of there that soon. It began hurting a little, but nothing severe. Nothing that I couldn't take. A day went by and my whole mouth started to ache like mad. I thought it was pain that I was supposed to deal with and didn't bother with it. That night, I couldn't sleep cause my mouth was hurting that bad. In the morning, I called the doctor at the hospital (the good consultant - not the specialist) and told him, "Doc, I am having this fucked up pain in my mouth and the tooth that the specialist did the RC on it just too fucking sensitive. What the fuck is happening?". He said, "Oh, just go get yourself these antibiotics and these pain killers and come see me tomorrow"

NOTICE, I was fucking prescribed the antibiotics 2 whole days after my RC. It slipped my mind too, but then I realized I wasn't prescribed any medication. I mean come on. They fucking drilled my teeth with metal, the dug the canal with metal and obviously there is no need to prescribe any antibiotics. ITS NOT LIKE IT'LL GET INFECTED OR ANYTHING. Mother fuckers, ofcourse it will. The infection spread to my gums even and that's why I couldn't bear the pain or sleep anymore.

I rushed to the hospital on Tuesday morning and my friend the specialist was there. I told him I am having severe pains and he said "Ahh, sit down, let me take a look". I was tempted to say "Fuck you mother fucker", give him the finger and say "take a look at this, why don't you, you fucking son of a fat cow", but I restrained and sat down on that cool dentist bed kind of thing. He gave me a local anesthetic shot and dug out the temporary filling and tried to remove whatever pus and infection that was there in my tooth. He managed to get out quite a bit before my tooth started to ache again. He gave me another shot of local and tried digging again. It still fucking hurt like mad. He gave me another shot. No luck. He took an X-Ray. Made me wait a while. The X-Ray came back and he said something in his oh-I-am-a-doctor-and-I-can-whisper kind of way to the other docs in the room and said "I'll just prescribe you some new antibiotics and some pain killers and some other medication to confuse the shit out of you so that you wont sue my ass and come meet me on Tuesday next" and he quickly left the room and made me leave too before I could say CADBURY.

I mean, just to get you guys to understand what kind of pain I was in, 1 local anesthetic administered and they should be able to knock off all my teeth in the stipulated region with a hammer and I shouldn't feel a thing. They gave me 3 and it still hurt. Fucking bastardddddd!!!

Apparently the infections spread to my gums. The pains still there. Its been 9 whole days, 24 tabs of Mox-LB, 12 tabs of Inac and a couple of Ketorals thrown in there to knock me cold at nights and it still fucking hurts. If this doesn't go away and even by mistake if the bastard doc ends up being a northy-residing-in-bangalore, no prizes for guessing what I am going to be doing with him...

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On another note though, if you guys dont already read these two blogs, you should. Good fun!

1. The Bangalore Torpedo
2. Silverine

Aww Hanimals

Now I aint no Animals Rights Activist or anything, but there are somethings that make me sad and cruelty towards harmless animals pisses the life out of me.

I just don't see the point behind hurting an animal that is harmless. Not that i am advocating that we go around hurting the animals that are harmful, but then again, you get what I am trying to say.

Just this morning, when i was traveling toward Koramangala, I saw this poor horse man. Both his front limbs and his hind limbs were tied together with a rope. Tightly even. So tight that the poor animal could barely move. I didn't have the courage, nor the blade to chop that rope off, but the damm visual left me thinking. I was just wondering why someone would do such a thing. Like if his owner didn't want him to run away or something, he should have fastened him to a tree or something. Fed him well and tied him up in his backyard or something. Why do something so criminal that the animal has to suffer so much. In the hot sun! God damm it. That just sucked for that poor horse. He couldn't even move his legs forward without it hurting.

Now that might just be a one off incident, but i am sure as hell there are tonnes of such incidents out there that we're not privy to. I say, death to all the mother fuckers ill-treating animals for no fault of theirs. I cant write anymore on the subject. It pisses me off terribly. Damm it.
Poor horse.

State of Bangalore

Yeah my ass..
I just got done watching this show on CNN IBN about 30 minutes back with this rather stupid mediocre title "State of Bangalore" which was a show that focused on the issues that have been troubling the city over the last few years, northies being one of them I might like to add as tactfully included in the list by the producers of the show made sure. It was more of an open discussion with a host and a few panelists which included our YENG Chief Minister, a few other dimwits and one smart man who runs Janaagraha. Some interesting points that man brought out.

Anyways, moving right along. I was really frustrated with the views of some of the mother fuckers on the show. Especially that Kannada Dude who wanted to rename bangalore to bengaluru just for kicks apparently. He wanted Bangalore to get in touch with and identify with Bengaluru and that was his stupid wart of a reason. Now really, what sense does that make? It just doesn't make any fucking sense to me. A name is a name. Leave it at that. I doubt even if we were to go ahead with the name change, it would really make a big difference to any one of us. You think all of us are going to adhere to it? I really doubt it. Whats going to happen after that? They'll send out the Speaking Police to monitor how we use the word Bangalore in everyday speech? I honestly don't fancy saying Bengaluru that much in a nice well laid down English sentence. Why? Cause it just doesn't fit. Like how it'd be for me to tell the waiter at Pecos - "Get me some kadlaykai masala please." To me, Bengaluru is just a kannada version of the real name of Bangalore and I'll identify with it to a certain extent and definitely not use it in everyday English Speech.

Moving right along, other important issues were brought up. Like closing the bars and pubs down at 11:30. Now although I don't really agree with Rohit Barkers statements, cause I know he messed up pretty big time with his questions to the panel, but what the mother fucker replied was just annoying to the core. Rohit Barker's point was basically that we should be allowed to dance and party as long as we want to, which I totally agree with btw, to which one mother fucker who's name I didn't bother noting down or remembering said - "You are free to dance at home till 3 in the morning if you want to". Now really, who in this god forsaken fucking world is he to tell anyone that? If the fucking pubs and dance floors were allowed to be kept open beyond 11:30, we'd be drinking and dancing there. Now if he doesn't want to come and drink and dance with us and wants to sit at home and party, so be it for him. But stopping someone from doing something that is doing absolutely no harm than what the root of the problem is actually causing makes no sense to me. Allow me to explain. Just cause the bars and pubs are closed at 11:30 does not necessarily mean that the people will stop drinking. They'll fucking finish drinking at the bars and then head home and drink man. Or they'll just find a new high in the needles, the weed and the coke. Simple solutions to difficult problems. I most certainly say. So don't go around telling me that its better that they close the place down at 11:30. Its not. If you don't want to be a part of the culture, like I choose not to, then don't be. But don't stop someone from having their SHARE OF FUN in their own RIGHTFUL WAY without them hurting or stepping on your social shoes. Really, what difference does it make to me or you sitting at home if there's someone partying in Spinn right now as you are reading this post (considering that its 12:00 in the morning). Absolutely nothing. And trust me, road accidents aren't going to account for the shut down either.

From what I hear, the cops are fucking out of their mind, a Police Raj if you please after 11:00 in the night. I've heard stories ranging from people being chased and abused in kannada to taking people in just cause they had a beer mug on their table next to their dinner plates at 11:35 pm. Which just goes to show how low-life the people in power that be can sink to and that just disgusts me.

Anyways, there was this other annoying award winning prick who was hell bent on glorifying and evangelizing Kannada when he accidently said, "when i was in London studying". Ahem Mr. Mother Fucker. If you love your Bangalore so much and want to profess Kannada to the masses and master mind a name change from bangalore to bengaluru, what the fuck were you doing in London you fucking scum bag. What happened to your patriotism to the city or the country for that matter when you were apparently studying in London huh? Bangalore Univ? Chitra Kala Parikshat? Heard of these places you whorefaced dickwart.

Someone please slap him. I am getting angry.

To sum it all up though, I think we have bigger problems at hand than a stupid name change and partying beyond 11:30. Lets hope they pay attention to those "bigger" problems and we as good citizens who bribe the cops, scam the RTOs to get our fake licenses, pay our way through the BDA among other things, co-operate with them with their ROAD PLAN cause like the host of that show said and I believe, Bangalore is the only fucking city in the country that has the potential to take India to new heights that it hasn't scaled already.

Jai.

Driving ET-E-KET

Post aptly titled so our northy counterparts can pronounce and understand the word, separated with hyphens to make it easier on their peanut sized brains.

What with today, I was traveling down Bannergatta Road, making my way back home on the newly laid tarmac, when I had to slow down rather drastically thanks to one northy dimwit, or a southy dimwit for that matter of fact in a northy's car [read: MH registration]. Now, what the fuck a south indian would be doing in a second hand northy car, i don't know and highly doubt that happening, so its safe to assume the driver of the car was northy as well.

So, as i slowed down behind the maathar chooth (choice of words just to make them feel more at home) the bastard politely takes the fucking cigarette he's smoking and taps the ash outside the fucking window. Now don't get me wrong, I don't complain about most of the things (hehe), but I really don't fancy a mouthful of northy cigarette ash. Now, this ant a northy bashing post or anything like that. I don't fancy a mouthful of southy cigarette ash either, but just that he was northy pissed me off that much more i am guessing.

I sped up to the dimwit, right next to the drivers window and since I was in no mood to fight, I asked him politely (again), "Umm, care to tap your ash inside the ash tray provided with your car?" to which Mr. Forgive-me-but-i-have-a-sock-stuck-up-my-ass replied, "Eh, your fathers road ahh?" to which i grumbled and replied, "YES" and he sped away.

How much of dhumm he has no? That too at 12:10 in the morning. Then i wondered to myself as i was getting back home - how stupid are these mother fuckers? I mean, do they really have any driving etiquette at all? Why would someone want to tap their ash outside their fucking cars? Why would someone want to spray their windshields with water while traveling at 40 kmph? Invariably, they all end up being northy and somehow or the other, i manage to find myself behind one of them.

I am telling you, i need to get myself a fucking gun. The time has come. I just cant let this go any further. Its time we took our city back.

Mental Arm Rest

Oh man, I've really lost it for blogging eh? I know I cant write terribly well or any of that jazz, but I am the best person I know. I love myself :)

Anyways, so here's another thing that pisses me off. Your at the movie theater ok. Now you pay the same amount of money as anyone else, atleast if you went to one of those snappy Multiplexes like Inox or PVR or Innovative Multiplex or whatever. Considering that the ticket costs anywhere between 75 bucks and 150 at times, you expect to watch the movie in peace of mind.

Now let alone the million rats, lizards, cockroaches that are attracted to the 12 corn puffs that you throw down under your chair, but you've got a bigger problem at hand. If you go with your friend or friends and end up getting the last seat and it aint being a corner seat, your fucked man.

You'll engage in a mind game with the dude sitting next to you. It happens in the fucking aircrafts, it happens everywhere where there is an arm rest. What I don't get is, neither you nor the dude sitting next to you will have the courage to fucking stand up and tell you "GET YOUR FUCKING ARM OFF FUCKING THE ARM REST ALREADY YOU SON OF A BITCH WHORE. I WANT TO REST ON IT NOW".

Throughout the movie, the flight to Mumbai, you'll keep sitting there, thinking, if maybe he could move his hand up maybe by a little so you could quickly put your hand there. Trust me, I've done it and it fucking pisses the jazz out of me. The worst part is, not a word is said. Its all in the head. And both of you are consciously aware of it too.

My point is simple and I blame no one but the fucking theater authorities and the airlines and whoever else has arm rests. Make fucking bigger arm rests you dickwarts. Make two for all I care. That way, I can keep my hand and the person sitting next to me can also keep his/her hand and we can watch the movie in peace or fly to Mumbai in peace, without being bothered by such a simple thing.

But honestly, it does piss me off. A lot. If those guys are reading this, do something you bastards...

Yellaru Salute Maadi

Wokay, yellaru salute maadi [translated to: everyone put salute]
Dont forget to stand up also.

Now while your at it, let me tell you guys why you are doing what your doing. Basically you are saluting our cops, cause you HAVE to. I mean come on. We all love them now, don't we?

Anyone read the papers recently? Fucking bastard cops here in bangalore end up scamming away shit loads of money, in crores, over various bank accounts, beds, sofas, drawers and other such "secret" hiding places. Whats more important is these mother fucking cops aren't put to death or anything, considering they've been scamming all our money. They are just "suspended" on our Honourable CM's word. How thoughtful.

And whats worse, one of the dickwarts is from the Fraud Branch even. Morally upright aren't we? Gee man. For once, i think we should employ punishment like they did in Saudi Arabia and all.

First we should tie Mr. Ur-I-Dont-Care-Whatever-the-fuck-his-name-is and his friends to a tree ok. Then we should basically round up everyone like you and me and we should form a semi circle around the tree. We should be given rocks of different sizes based on our height/weight/sex. We should have a leader - a jominder if you please who'll scream "throw" and we should all throw the stones given to us at these mother fuckers with the intent to hurt them as much as possible.

How much faith am i expected to have in the system after all this crap eh? And if you notice, the whole scam is already fading away. I love my India, don't we all?

____

On a lighter note, i want to look like this when I wake up tomorrow morning.

Missed me anyone?

So its been a month. Thought I'll stop after 1 full year of blogging, but apparently, I cant. Got loads to write about. Lots of things have pissed me off since Feb 13th. Geez..

So, who missed me?

Lets all LiveStrong!

I've been meaning to write more often, but I just havent been able to find the time. I know it kind of sucks, but when I read this blog somewhere down the line, I want to remind myself about how busy I actually was :)

Anyways, so these Livestrong bands. There have been enough talk about this all over the place, mainly here, but I cant seem to find the link to the post right now, but the whole thing is pissing me off.

I remember, quite sometime back, there was this honest endeavour that Lance Armstrong started to help fight cancer. By making bands that show support to fighting cancer and selling them for a moderate price to help sponsor cancer research, I honestly did think it was a nice effort. I also figured out that something like this existed thanks to OCC on Travel and Living where those Orange Country Choppers guys built a LiveStrong bike to support the cause as well and gave it away. Thats when I begun reading up on the subject and stuff like that.

Now, dont get me wrong. But I think all you dimwits out there who go and purchase the god damm band from a local shop or two are just fooling yourself into believing that you are cool. Sporting a genuine one also aint cool anymore.

Why?

Cause its not supposed to fucking be cool. Its not supposed to have any other significance than to indicate to the world that you are genuinely concerned about the millions of people who die due to cancer every year and are trying your best in your little way to help fight it. And if any of you reading this can consciously say that you know more than 5 people who own a band and are really bothered about the whole thing and didnt actually purchase it cause it was such a craze, I'd like for them to go visit Curie Center of Oncology or Kidwai or something if they are in Bangalore and see how they can help. Else, tell them to tear it off their arms cause its defeating the purpose.

What pisses me off even more is the number of organizations that have caught on to this idea. Lets not forget to support COURAGE, LOVE, FRIENDS among other things that are inscribed on these bands. And also the brilliant colors that I so love.

For heavens sake, if you want to ride the wagon, so be it.
Else jump off and die!

By the by, today is my blogs appy budday. Appy Budday to you, appy budday to you, appy budday dear blogggggggg, appy buddayyyyyyyyyyy to youuu!!!
And to deetee also.

Fuckwits

Oh man, this totally sucks. Inzy and his boys can go suck on their thumbs for all I care.

I totally lost whatever little respect I had for the Pakistani Cricket team today. Fucking fucktards. What the fuck do they think about themselves? Really!! There are limits to which you can stretch your fucking cheapness, but to do what they did today is just not fucking acceptable. Not to the millions of us watching cricket with so much anticipation at home/office/wherever. They fucking owe us that much to entertain us. Bastards.

So today, Pakistan walk off the field with some 18 balls left needing 18 runs to win with just 3 wickets in hand. I am no huge cricket fan. I don't watch much cricket either. But throw an India-Pakistan One Day match in my face and I'll be hell interested. Don't know what it is about these cricket matches, but they never seem to stop fascinating me. Let alone me, everyone in Bangalore atleast. I just love it when an India Pak match happens. Every one stays glued to the television, eyes riveted to the television sets, small eats all stacked up nicely and in close reach and watching the match with the spirit that is innate with being Indian I guess.

And what do these fucktards from Pakistan do? Walk off the field with a lame ass excuse of Bad Light. Now give me a fucking break. I aint no rocket scientist, but it doesn't take much to pull off that scam alright. First off, Inzy 'I am a pussy" Maam is run out obstructing the field. What a fine example to set Mr. Capeetain. And then as he walks back to the dressing room, he does his filmi shit by looking up to the heavens for answers. What a bastard. I felt like whacking the shit out of the numbskull of his.

Then, as he was sitting there in his dressing room watching his team almost go down to a fighting Indian side, he quickly checked with his statisticians and figured that if he asked his "boys" to leave the field on time, they win the match by some 7 runs cause of some two dip shits called Duckworth and Lewis.

Who the fuck is Duckworth and Lewis? Do I really care? I want the fucking match to end like it should. Either India wins or it loses. We still deserve a full match. Not a half assed match where one team is too sissy to continue due to bad light. Give me a fucking break. Those bastards just pulled a fast one on us and we're taking it lightly.

I think we need to nuke the mother fuckers!

How do you like them PINEAPPLE

So yeah, just to clear the air, Will says "How do you like them apples" in Good Will Hunting.

Anyways, I went on a location hunt recently to this place called Talakad. Don't know if any of you guys have even heard of this place, but its an awesome place. Atleast used to be an awesome place. Shit loads of sand and some really nice temples and stuff. But that's all gone. Some 300 lorries keep coming there everyday and loading up their trucks with sand to take and sell in the city apparently. Now all the sand is gone and there aint no sand left to stare at.

But then again, that's not the point about this post either.

On my way back from there, I spotted a small cart with some 30 pineapples alright. So I stopped by and picked up 5 to bring back home. There was not much that I hated about pineapples before today when I actually sat down and thought about them and how many things actually piss me off about pineapples.

First of all, they are a fucking expensive fruit alright. They cost anywhere between 15-20 bucks a fruit, which means that you'll end up paying a minimum of 2-3 rupees for each 5mm slice, which amounts to almost nothing considering that you are a huge alpha male yourself.

Then, there's no way of telling if the fruit inside is actually over ripe or not ripe at all cause the color of the skin is not really helpful with the fruit is what I've learnt from experience. It'll look the same, smell almost the same and yet be sour most of the time. Fucking pissing off that you cant really figure out which one to choose from the lot. Bastard fruit.

To make matters worse, once you buy it, you goto bring it home and tediously remove the skin off the fruit. Its like a fucking cactus. Who the fuck wants to eat a cactus. Its even got an odd thorn or two just to piss you off even more. You cant really eat the center of the fruit also cause that's the part that kinda tickles your throat. So you goto just eat around the center portion or chop it off completely. Which in relative terms means you've paid 15-20 bucks for extra skin that you cant eat and some stupid painful middle portion that has no usage value at all.

In addition to all that, you cant really store the fucking fruit. You goto eat the whole thing right away. If you put it in the fridge, it'll taste almost like crap the next day. If you leave it out, it'll turn kakka brown the next morning and will be all soggy and soft and you wont even go 5 feet close to it.

And to sum it all up with the mother of all piss off's, if you have tonscils like I do and you happen to eat the fucking fruit just before you goto sleep, you'll end up lying down in bed and trying to clear your throat by making ugly sounds like "khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrr" x 3 and other sounds that rhyme or resemble just that. Eating that center portion like I mentioned above will only make matters worse. You will also try to plug your ears with your two index fingers and do some vague stuff with your tongue to try and get all the stupid feeling out of your throat. It wont work. It will only keep getting worse. You'll end up feeling like crap and will go watch Shaktiman.

So remind me again, why go through all the trouble? For just 30 grams of bliss? I think I'll pass.

"Mama, go cut the pig tied in the backyard and make me some sarpotel and sannas.."

Have a Cigar

So you do some really nice things for someone you dont know and what do you get in return?

NOTHING!!


Other than being stubbed I guess.
Not that i expected much, but I didnt expect to be lied to atleast. Moreover, I didnt expect to be stubbed. Nor did I expect to waste so much paper on NOTHING.

This, my friends, is a mere extention of the kalti thing i was talking about a few weeks back.

None the less, have a cigar.

Life goes on..

Fucking Talented Musician Fuckers

Yeah, so anyways, I've been going to quite a few music shows lately and I've been noticing one thing, all the guys who can play an instrument are people who definitely don't look like musicians at all.

And the worst part is, some guys are born talented. I mean, they don't have to fucking work hard to learn the guitar or something. It just comes to them. And trust me, you hate it when that happens. When you know you sit your ass down and struggle to learn an instrument and then this guy comes along and in a matter of just a few weeks, he fucking picks up that same instrument and learns to play it real well while your still stuck there trying to figure out Hotel California.

It pisses me off that they don't have to try as hard as I do. I mean really, you should look at some of these buggers who can play the guitar man. They do it so effortlessly. Its like riding a bike for them. Like how you just change gears without even paying attention to it no, like that only. They'll just fucking play without even being bothered about which scale they are on and which note is the fucking root note and all that crap. It just happens.. And I fucking hate it, cause it never happens for me.

I watch all these guys in awe, firstly cause I admire their talent. Secondly cause I can never do the things they do. Sure, they may or may not be able to do the things that I do too, but I hate it that they're talented at playing the instrument and I am not. Simple. It shouldn't be this fucking difficult for me. It should just come easy. Maybe I should go enroll myself for classes somewhere. I've had enough of this Bm - Em - Blah Blah Blah Blah...

Fucking talented mother fuckers.. hate them all.

Honk and I'll run you over!

So yeah, I totally don't get why I am blogging so much lately, but I figured, I'd make up for lost time.

Anyways, so I hate it when all these dumbass truck drivers from Andhra Pradesh, Haryana, Delhi and all the other fucking states bring their trucks to Bangalore and ride around in our fucking city. Especially on the right most lane. What the fuck is that all about eh?

So, there I was on my bike riding on the Outer Ring Road, when i was faced with two trucks that were ahead of me. Considering that I was riding faster than them, I expected to overtake them from the right, LIKE I AM SUPPOSED TO. But the bastards refuse to give me way. I mean really, what the fuck right?

Where else in the world do you get to see this man? All the fucking trucks that cant travel faster than 40 kmph are on the right most lane, which btw, is supposed to be the fastest lane. Like if your traveling really fast anywhere else in the world, you'd need to be in the right most lane. Not cutting lanes and zipping across lanes and stuff like that.

So i took that pic while riding my bike. See that fucking dumbass lorry ahead of the lancer, that's one of the mother fuckers who refused to give me way. I had to eventually overtake him from the left. Thank god his co-driver decided to spit out his pan after i had passed him, else you know how I would have thrown my helmet at his fucking fat northie turd face!!

Bastards pissed me off..

So we all got dengued today!!

Umm yeah, so they fucked us over..
I was just lying down at home today in the evening and watching TV and with nothing better to watch on TV, I happened to tune into the News.

Apparently some terrorists (from the north, I wont say India, but you'd never know) rode into the IISc in Bangalore in a white ambassador car and opened fire with an AK-47 killing one professor and injuring quite a few others.

So shocked was our state govt, the CM apparently called for an EMERGENCY MEETING at 10AM TOMORROW morning. Now lets look at the facts. What the fuck is the meeting called for? The fucking gangsters are out there, not nabbed yet and he calls for an EMERGENCY meeting, then too at 10 AM in the morning. I am pretty sure he wont be done going to the parlour, shaving his armpits, waxing his legs and getting a manicure before that. So, he decided that he'll just call the emergency meeting at 10 am, instead of say earlier, like maybe.. Just maybe for instance, tonight itself. Or wait, what about his beauty sleep no? Fucking dickwart.

Moreover, I was so fucking shocked when I was watching all this shit on TV. I mean, seriously, give me a fucking break. Some good 20 cops landed up at the spot. No one fucking knows where the ambi is gone or who the fucktard was who opened fire. What the fuck are they all doing getting to that spot after the god damm firing is done with and the guys are already on the loose, somewhere on the streets of Bangalore. Don't you think, these fukwit, fat belleyed policemen should maybe immediately block off all roads and start checking each and every fucking vehicle that remotely resembles an ambassador? Fuck that, shouldn't the city come to a standstill to make sure the fucking culprits are nabbed??

Then, on Headlines today, that Chetan fellow was interviewing someone who's designation is MoS of Home and his name is some kantri Shivprakash or something. Now, another correspondent of Headlines Today has gathered information that it was actually a mod planned out by the LeT to strike Bangalore and or Hyderabad sometime in this week. When Chetan asked that dude, he just refused to accept that it was a terrorist attack. I mean, come on, the guy was just wielding an AK-47 in a campus and shooting people cause he is half blind and thought they were black bucks. OBVIOUSLY. Its no terrorist attack. Its just a small misunderstanding that they'll sort out at tomorrow morning's emergency meeting at 10.

Seriously, what the fuck do you think they are going to be talking about at that meeting? Do you think Dharam "i have no neck so thawp me on my head" Singh is going to gather intelligence by himself by tomorrow morning so he can sit across the table with his fellow dumbfucks at the Vidhana Soudha over hot samosas and coffee and work this all out? Meeting it seems. Bloody fucktards!!

I am shit worried about my family, my friends, everyone of my fellow people cause there is a guy in a white ambi with a loaded AK-47 and the cops are busy shaking hands and posing for the news crew at IISc. Hope everyone is safe. Hope everyone will be ok.

Full on Kalti

"Everyone of us has got a kalti atleast once in our lives."
- Doctor Pissed

Now, having said that, i just hate it when someone gives you a kalti. It didn't happen or anything recently, but I just reminded myself today about how fucked up you feel when someone gives you a kalti.

Now, for the people who don't know what I am talking about, allow me to explain.

So there is this person you know from like school, your apartment complex or something and you being the nice person you are, remember that person very well. A long time goes by and you don't keep in touch or anything for reasons unknown, but you know for a fact that if you spot that someone somewhere, you'll make it a point to acknowledge the fact that you knew that person and atleast for courtesy sake, go and say hi to him/her. You play your part.

But what does the bitch/bastard do. He/she pretends like he/she has no clue who you are. Just looks away when you wave from across the road. Just continues talking to his/her friends like he/she didn't even notice you.

I mean what the fuck right? Its not like i am a bad person or anything, but it sure has happened to me more than once and I fucking hate it. Cant stand it one bit. Its one thing if you tell me you don't want to talk to me, but failing to acknowledge the fact that i even existed in your LIFE sometime back is just something that I cant stand. I mean, sure, I don't remember so many people by name. But I've never even once done this to someone. I smile at random people I don't even know cause they're already smiling at me. I even talk to so many people I have no clue about. That's only cause I don't want them to feel uncomfortable cause i know it fucking hurts..

How i wish i could put my thoughts down. I suck at this. But I know for sure that it pisses me off.

Do Some Dance YAAR

I've been refraining from putting this post up for quite sometime now. But I just couldn't resist anymore. I mean what the fuck are all these northies doing in Bangalore? Not that I hate all of them really. They are all ok. Afterall, we're all Indian and all that jazz, but when did they take over the fucking city?

Everywhere I look, all I see are north Indians. The mangy's have all moved to the gelf. The malayalees are taking over Greenland I am sure. Those were the two danger breeds, but now that they've moved shop, north Indians are spreading. And fast.

There's something very personal to me about this city. I was born here for crying out loud. St. John's Hospital to be precise. I've lived here for almost all my life. Its just not fair when I see so many outsiders in my fucking city! I mean get the fuck out already. Goto Gurgaon and study or something. How about Chandigarh huh? Maybe join a call center there. Like we don't have enough talent going around to fill up the jobs here anyways. But no, you guys have to come here and make life difficult for my fellow Bangaloreans.

Take your MH, HA and other crappy registrations other than KA and drive back. We don't need you here. Sorry if I am being mean, but I am just frustrated man. I mean there used to be a time when bangalore used to rule. Not that many cars on the road, nice clean air, open roads, the works. For some odd reason, when I look back at it, ever since the call center boom happened and these truck load of northies landed up in the city, its just a downhill thing happening for us. They are making too much money, buying more cars, polluting the air, eating a lot, spoiling the roads and causing traffic jams.

Anyways, I think I lost it yesterday at a youth fest in the city. I was sitting by myself and there was some loud music and some fashion event happening. I was waiting for a friend who went to bring me chicken. There was this one dude, sure shot northie standing right next to me. For some odd reason, he kept screaming "Alliance rocks man". I swear those were his exact same words. Now if he did that once, it was fine with me. I wouldn't have been here blogging about NORTHIES in general. But he did it atleast 4 times.

Fucking piss off. I mean who the fuck cares if Alliance rocks. What the fuck is Alliance? Who the fuck really cares? Why scream more than once. Your voice is drowned by the god damm music anyways. Moreover, your pissing us bangaloreans off with that fucked up Northie accent. Ashooo, anger is came.

Go back to dilli. Go!! Just go!!

I NO HEART BUFFALO

I really lough farm animals I say. I mean. Not in a "pink" kind of way, but generally. I've always loved going to our ancestral home in Mangalore. Its fun.

But I've never really liked the buffalos though. Reasons:
1. They are always of just one color. Not like them cows. - no spots = no lough
2. They have absolutely no self defense. Sure, they are strong and all and can take down a lion and all that crap, but why would God be so mean and curve its horns inward? I mean what the fuck no?
3. It generally looks kinda stupid.

Ok, I lied. I don't really hate them buffaloes. Never really thought about them that much though. Anyways, so back to my post. So there I was on this road. Believe it or not, there was this buffalo standing in the middle of a fucking traffic signal. I mean, where else in this world could this happen. The buffalo was waiting, just like any one of us for the lights to turn green so we could carry on to our ultimate destinations.

I don't know if its luck or whatever, but I got to stand right next to the buffalo's hind limbs. Its bad standing next to its hind limbs, let me tell you why. First of all, it could poop. Secondly, the smells bad. Anyways, waiting there, I least expected whatever happened next to happen.

I take off my helmet and I was just waiting for the signal to go green when suddenly the buffalo swings its tail man and gives me one chaapa on my face. I mean it didn't hurt and all, but what the fuck. I didn't know what had struck me and before I knew it, two chicks from the auto behind me were giggling. So was the fucking auto driver. I looked right, about 7 people waiting for a bus at the bus stand were also laughing. Ayoo, karma..

Lesson learned. Shoot the buffalo or throw helmet at buffalo at next signal!

Fucking piss off..

BTW, for all your Dr. Pissed fans, my next few posts are going to be the tags that have long been pending. So sorry if I goto disappoint a few of you, but I goto make a few others happee.