Wednesday, January 25, 2006

How do you like them PINEAPPLE

So yeah, just to clear the air, Will says "How do you like them apples" in Good Will Hunting.

Anyways, I went on a location hunt recently to this place called Talakad. Don't know if any of you guys have even heard of this place, but its an awesome place. Atleast used to be an awesome place. Shit loads of sand and some really nice temples and stuff. But that's all gone. Some 300 lorries keep coming there everyday and loading up their trucks with sand to take and sell in the city apparently. Now all the sand is gone and there aint no sand left to stare at.

But then again, that's not the point about this post either.

On my way back from there, I spotted a small cart with some 30 pineapples alright. So I stopped by and picked up 5 to bring back home. There was not much that I hated about pineapples before today when I actually sat down and thought about them and how many things actually piss me off about pineapples.

First of all, they are a fucking expensive fruit alright. They cost anywhere between 15-20 bucks a fruit, which means that you'll end up paying a minimum of 2-3 rupees for each 5mm slice, which amounts to almost nothing considering that you are a huge alpha male yourself.

Then, there's no way of telling if the fruit inside is actually over ripe or not ripe at all cause the color of the skin is not really helpful with the fruit is what I've learnt from experience. It'll look the same, smell almost the same and yet be sour most of the time. Fucking pissing off that you cant really figure out which one to choose from the lot. Bastard fruit.

To make matters worse, once you buy it, you goto bring it home and tediously remove the skin off the fruit. Its like a fucking cactus. Who the fuck wants to eat a cactus. Its even got an odd thorn or two just to piss you off even more. You cant really eat the center of the fruit also cause that's the part that kinda tickles your throat. So you goto just eat around the center portion or chop it off completely. Which in relative terms means you've paid 15-20 bucks for extra skin that you cant eat and some stupid painful middle portion that has no usage value at all.

In addition to all that, you cant really store the fucking fruit. You goto eat the whole thing right away. If you put it in the fridge, it'll taste almost like crap the next day. If you leave it out, it'll turn kakka brown the next morning and will be all soggy and soft and you wont even go 5 feet close to it.

And to sum it all up with the mother of all piss off's, if you have tonscils like I do and you happen to eat the fucking fruit just before you goto sleep, you'll end up lying down in bed and trying to clear your throat by making ugly sounds like "khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrr" x 3 and other sounds that rhyme or resemble just that. Eating that center portion like I mentioned above will only make matters worse. You will also try to plug your ears with your two index fingers and do some vague stuff with your tongue to try and get all the stupid feeling out of your throat. It wont work. It will only keep getting worse. You'll end up feeling like crap and will go watch Shaktiman.

So remind me again, why go through all the trouble? For just 30 grams of bliss? I think I'll pass.

"Mama, go cut the pig tied in the backyard and make me some sarpotel and sannas.."

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Have a Cigar

So you do some really nice things for someone you dont know and what do you get in return?


Other than being stubbed I guess.
Not that i expected much, but I didnt expect to be lied to atleast. Moreover, I didnt expect to be stubbed. Nor did I expect to waste so much paper on NOTHING.

This, my friends, is a mere extention of the kalti thing i was talking about a few weeks back.

None the less, have a cigar.

Life goes on..

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Fucking Talented Musician Fuckers

Yeah, so anyways, I've been going to quite a few music shows lately and I've been noticing one thing, all the guys who can play an instrument are people who definitely don't look like musicians at all.

And the worst part is, some guys are born talented. I mean, they don't have to fucking work hard to learn the guitar or something. It just comes to them. And trust me, you hate it when that happens. When you know you sit your ass down and struggle to learn an instrument and then this guy comes along and in a matter of just a few weeks, he fucking picks up that same instrument and learns to play it real well while your still stuck there trying to figure out Hotel California.

It pisses me off that they don't have to try as hard as I do. I mean really, you should look at some of these buggers who can play the guitar man. They do it so effortlessly. Its like riding a bike for them. Like how you just change gears without even paying attention to it no, like that only. They'll just fucking play without even being bothered about which scale they are on and which note is the fucking root note and all that crap. It just happens.. And I fucking hate it, cause it never happens for me.

I watch all these guys in awe, firstly cause I admire their talent. Secondly cause I can never do the things they do. Sure, they may or may not be able to do the things that I do too, but I hate it that they're talented at playing the instrument and I am not. Simple. It shouldn't be this fucking difficult for me. It should just come easy. Maybe I should go enroll myself for classes somewhere. I've had enough of this Bm - Em - Blah Blah Blah Blah...

Fucking talented mother fuckers.. hate them all.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Honk and I'll run you over!

So yeah, I totally don't get why I am blogging so much lately, but I figured, I'd make up for lost time.

Anyways, so I hate it when all these dumbass truck drivers from Andhra Pradesh, Haryana, Delhi and all the other fucking states bring their trucks to Bangalore and ride around in our fucking city. Especially on the right most lane. What the fuck is that all about eh?

So, there I was on my bike riding on the Outer Ring Road, when i was faced with two trucks that were ahead of me. Considering that I was riding faster than them, I expected to overtake them from the right, LIKE I AM SUPPOSED TO. But the bastards refuse to give me way. I mean really, what the fuck right?

Where else in the world do you get to see this man? All the fucking trucks that cant travel faster than 40 kmph are on the right most lane, which btw, is supposed to be the fastest lane. Like if your traveling really fast anywhere else in the world, you'd need to be in the right most lane. Not cutting lanes and zipping across lanes and stuff like that.

So i took that pic while riding my bike. See that fucking dumbass lorry ahead of the lancer, that's one of the mother fuckers who refused to give me way. I had to eventually overtake him from the left. Thank god his co-driver decided to spit out his pan after i had passed him, else you know how I would have thrown my helmet at his fucking fat northie turd face!!

Bastards pissed me off..