Friday, June 09, 2006

Welcome Aboard!

Ok, so this post is for a friend who's been waiting to read this for a while and is at home doing nothing and is getting some much needed rest (I guess)

This is a pretty outdated post, but I've been meaning to write about this crappy airline for a while now. Just haven't found the time. Now, I used to fly pretty often to Mumbai and back on work, almost 2-3 times a week. I would be out of town on work most of the time cause the industry that I work for demands that we travel a lot.

Anyways, I've never ever flown Indian Airlines before the dreaded day that I didn't manage to catch any other plane back home and had to fly with the airline only cause I had important material to get back to the office the same night. I wouldn't have really had a problem with Air Deccan even, but IA is an airline that I'll stay away from after what happened on that fateful night.

So there I was, done with my work and it was some 7:30 in the night and I had an open ticket booked on IA cause the rest of the planes were full and had already left. The fine folk at my office apologized profusely for giving me a ticket on IA instead of any other airline, but then again, its not their fault. All the other airlines were booked to the brim and had already taken off as I mentioned earlier.

I went to their counter and my flight was at some 8:30 types. I waited in the queue for a while and then got my boarding pass. I requested for a seat on the Emergency Exit, which btw all the other airlines I have flown wouldn't have any problem giving to me cause I am bloody tall, this airline refused. I am almost sure it wasn't full and I was like one of the first 20 people to collect my boarding pass, yet that bitch sitting across the counter, who I am sure was eating paan on the sly, didn't like my face or my hair or something and just refused to budge. So I settled for a seat right behind the emergency exit which is seat no. 13 on most airlines again since I couldn't fight that fat ugly cow with blood red lips.

After a while, having just picked up something to eat from that ONE STALL that they have at the airport for some ridiculous amount of money, I look up and notice that there is a 30 minute delay mentioned next to the IA Flight to bangalore. I looked outside the huge glass panes that they have there are terminal 1A and I could see that our plane had landed and I kept wondering what really caused the delay. None the less, I called the office to inform them that they should send the cab a good hour late cause of the delay.

It was approximately 9, when that stupid guard at the exit door yelled out that the plane was ready to board or whatever crap. So all of us got up and went and parked our asses on the planes in our respective seats. Everyone began to sweat. Now that's odd, aint it? Your not supposed to fucking sweat on an airline cause they have the airconditioning working. Now I am no snobby bitch or any of that jazz and will even sleep on the floor if I have to, but don't expect me to sit in a fucking capsule for 1½ hours with everyone from Mr. Fat-Pig-Businessman from Pune to some other dickwart from Ahmedabad eating their meals and breathing/farting/burping/whateverthefucking inside the same capsule as me. I mean, its not like I could slide open the windows or something. The plane was a fucking time bomb waiting to explode cause of all theperspiringg and dirty smells of people taking off their shoes on the plane (which btw is another thing that pisses me off a lot about Mumbai flights back home)

I called the air hostess, another one of those fat ugly cows whodon'tt even deserve to sellpharmaceuticalss at Cash Pharmacy came up to me and asked me what the matter was. As if shedidn'tt fucking already know. Anyways, so i told her, "pardon me for calling you, but if youdon'tt already notice, it is getting rather hot in here. Could you maybe have the airconditioning turned to a lower temperature maybe" to which she said, "I'll let the captain know". Oh wise decision bitch. Instead of having him fly the fucking plane, get him outside the cabin to fix the airconditioning.

Anyways, after a while, while we were stuck in a traffic jam on the taxiway, everyone began to fan themselves with the free DNA newspapers that they scam at the airport. Everyone began to complain and the captain got on the radio and announced to all of us in a bold and very clear voice. He said, "Good evening passengers" - (fuck your good evening and just get on with it you dickwart, its getting hotter by the minute and wedon'tt like it), "we are having some technical problems with the airconditioning" - (fuck yeah, its not working maybe) "Once we areairbornee, it should get cooler. Kindly bear with us" - (holy fucking crap, he's even more psycho than that fat cow. He's going to come out and open all our windows or break them down with his fancy Indian Airlines belt buckle)

Everyone burst out laughing cause it was hilarious. Everyone wondered why in this world we all even decided to fly with them. I mean how in this living world could they justify taking off with a technical problem? What if the air conditioning blew the fucking engines and we burst into flames cause of their technical problem? They (the IA people inside our aircraft)didn'tt seem to mind. They were too busy heating coffee and dinner. I am sure everyone fastened their seat belts nice and tight and said a prayer.

Nowdon'tt get me wrong, I most certainly hate this airline andwouldn'tt suggest any of you fly it. It just sucks beyond compare and the food is a good 4 days old, no matter who you are and how much money you've paid for your ticket. For the life of me, I promised that day that I'll walk to Mumbai if i have to, but never put up with them ever again!

Them fucking cows.. I am sure haracry is one of those fat ugly air hostesses!

Saturday, June 03, 2006


I went for a show yesterday. Some stupid show that featured a band from another country that I'd never heard of before or some crap like that. What a bummer of a show. First, I didn't want to go but was made to go after some EB [read: emotional blackmail for the uninitiated]. Second, there was only one cool band that was going to get to play for 20 minutes and that was the ONLY saving grace, except maybe for the samosas.

I reached there just when the first band was getting off stage. Not much talent in them. Thought they were ok ok types. Good drummer. Nice skills he's got there. Made the music from the band sound much better, like my drummer friend pointed out to me. Next was the band that I had gone there to watch and they rocked as usual. Started off with Perfect Strangers. Almost covered it to the nail. Thought the guitar was a bit of a let down, but all in all, you cant blame them for a near perfect show. Thoroughly enjoyable.

Then came on this band which I didn't quite understand. Now right from the spelling of their name to their playing skills, I thought this band was pseudo from the word go, pleasing all those boys and girls who had turned up in a multitude of very colorful t-shirts and savrovski laden jeans. 90% of whom were northy I am sure. We Bangalore folk like to go to a rock show dressed appropriately. Not turn it into a disco and break into song and dance at the given opportunity. Which mind you, the band did as well.

Now, I have nothing against the band personally, but the way they acted on stage was just so totally screwed up. I mean the lead vocalist is a good guy. Brilliant vocals too. Think he does a mighty impressive job with another local band here in Bangalore. But with what he did on stage yesterday, my image of the dude has completely changed. I am guessing its the same case of "The band bogged him down". I couldn't care less. Hopping around like your from one of them KorN bands just don't bake my cookie for me. I am sure that wasn't the intent either, so lets leave him out of the equation.

They tried to cover some songs. They failed. I hated their rendition of almost all the covers they did and one of their own compositions had just 6 chord changes in all and sounded like an ad jingle you'd hear on Radio City. Now I am no technical kind of guy when it comes to music. I'll listen to anything that sounds good. But this band didn't. Sure they got a whole bunch of them to throw their hands up in the air and yell "Oh Oh Oh" and shit, but lets have them rave about these guys on their blogs.

What totally made me loose it though is when I saw that drummer boy fellow stand up and pretend to be Portnoy. He even had a scarf around his head which I am sure he'll tell you is a BANDANA. Anyways, its not. Its a scarf. So everytime he's done playing one of his 4 x 4's, he'll stand up, stick his tongue out like Portnoy used to and roll his sticks for a while. Sure man, do all that shit if you have the skills to match. Why only run half the race no? Why not go all the way and play like him too? Seriously, this guy lacked any skill at all. Big guy, tall dude too. Belted the crap out of them poor animal skins and just made a lot of noise. No music. They finished their set and all and just then, the MOST AMAZING THING IN THE WORLD HAPPENED. The dumb ass rhythm guitarist unplugged his guitar, came to the center of ramp and destroyed that instrument man.

Lets take another close look at that now, shall we? Assuming that he broke the guitar he was using on stage, it was a nice piece. Made for a good sound too. Assuming that it'd cost anywhere between him selling his teeth to his kidney, its fair to say that someone from his family purchased it for him. And he goes and does that to his instrument? I mean really man, you aint in no trance or some shit. Your not like tripping and smoking good. And even if you were, it wouldn't justify what you did to your instrument. That just goes to show how immature you really are. If any one of us were to ask him why he did what he did, I am sure he'd have no explanation. Fair enough to say that he doesn't owe us one, but then again, its a guitar. Its not meant to be broken. Sure, when you join Nirvana, make a couple of a million yourself playing your fingers off to some grunge music, then feel free to break your old ones (which btw I still think is very very lame and even hate The Who for doing it) But your not no?

The truth of the matter is that your here in Bangalore. Not making music that sells. Not making enough money off music to put food in your mouth and not running your life around music. So don't do shit like that to your instrument man. Take it home. Keep it in that box. Give it to your kid. He'll probably make something of it that you never did.

Like my friend rightly pointed out just a minute back, no musician would want to destroy his instrument. But then again, we never said the guy who did just that yesterday was one in the first place.

VH1 on the other hand did some kickass video sequences that looped on the mammoth 4+1 projectors that they'd setup. Good sound. Good company. Crappy music. Pfft, I need to get out of the country and watch myself a Dave Matthew's concert.

Thursday, June 01, 2006


I was just going to blog about this a while ago when my friend began talking to me about it and thus delayed it by a few minutes. No problems though. I still remember it properly mins properly.

So everytime I call someone from my cell phone, they have this uncanny knack of putting you on hold. Now I have no clue how they figure your calling from the cell phone, but they do and they always manage to put you on hold, for a very long period of time let me add.

When you call from the land line, it almost never happens. But you call from the cell phone and they have to put you on hold. Its like something up there tells them that your calling from the cell phone and they know how much its going to hurt your bill when they put you on hold.

Now the stupid fuck that I am, I always call one agency that is helping me get my butt out of the country from my cell phone. They have a land line. I pay some 2 bucks a minute to the land line. Now the daft fuckers over there have no fucking ethics. They've done plenty of things wrong which has contributed to quite a bit of stress otherwise also let me add, but today stole the cake. I called their LANDLINE up from my cell phone as usual hoping to get a quick answer so that I could be on my way doing my own work. So that receptionist picks up the phone and says "Hello BLAH BLAH, how can I help you" and I said "May I please speak with ABC" and she says .. "hold on a minute" and didn't even let me tell her that I was calling from my cell phone. So, since I had no other choice, I just waited. Unfortunately for me, it wasn't a minute. But over four. Then she comes back on the line and says "OMG, I am so sorry, your still here. Hold on, let me transfer you" and I said "Oh thanks a lot. Please be quick though" trying to be as polite as possible.

She takes another 30 seconds and picks up the phone again and says "May I ask what this is regarding", to which I said "Umm, she asked me to call her. Could you please just transfer the call" and she said "Oh ok.. one moment" and put me on fucking hold again. Now some good 5 minutes had gone ok. That's a grand total of 10 bucks on just holding the fucking line without getting any of my work done. I wont bother with what happened next cause there's no point.

The point though is that situations like this put you off a little bit. Firstly cause you cant tell that person your calling from the cell phone and losing quite a bit of money holding the line cause then they'll end up thinking that your cheap or whatever whatever and secondly cause I don't have a landline, I don't have a fucking choice.

I just don't get this point of holding the line. Either they should be able to help you or do your work for you on the spot as you speak to them and finish with the conversation as soon as possible or ask you to call back. I hate waiting and listening to some crappy WAITING TUNES. They suck as hell and wasting money holding the line totally pisses me off.

And Blu, thanks for the laughs mate. Hahaha! You had it worse than me.