Friday, June 08, 2007

Pappa Ji

Mumbai amuses me.
I love this city for what its worth.

So today, I was out the whole day waiting for my bike to arrive at this place somewhere far away from Mumbai and I particularly asked for it to be delivered there cause then I wouldnt have to pay OCTROI TAX (if thats how u spell it) and just ride my bike around this place on the sly. I mean its 11 fucking percent in this city and when your bike is pretty darn valuable, its going to cost you one of your nuts to afford just the octroi. So fuck it, i am taking the sly way out.
Its not like i havent paid Life Time Tax. Then what the fuck is Octroi uh? Bastards.

Anyways, so while I was waiting, my cousin deserted me cause he had a prayer meet to attend to and I was left with his 350cc and a helmet. I did the next most interesting thing that came to my mind in a place called Ghatkoppar - I hit the fucking Internet Cafe.

So when i got there, i signed myself in and the first pissing off thing happened. This small 13 year old boy came in there and asked the internet cafe man for a computer. Before saying anything else, he asked "Bhaiya, iddhar Orkut chaltha hai nah?"

What a dumbfuck. How stupid of him. I mean first of all his hormones must be going nuts cause he needs to go down to the local internet cafe to check orkut everyday and the wait and walk till there must be killing him. He probably has Mandy and Susan from Portugal as friends and who will also be more than willing to put up enough pics of them wandering around their house in very comfortable clothing to please Mr. 13 year old. But all that aside, what a dumbass he must be. For the last few days, a certain cult in Mumbai which rhymes with ... fuck it doesnt rhyme with anything!!
Ok, lets just say, we all know of them men in orange and they cause a lot of rukkus for no good reason. So them. They have been going around all over Mumbai and threating cyber cafe owners to ban Orkut use or they'll have to do that on their own terms. And all this because some shithead of a person who wants to be cool started a community on Orkut called "I HATE THEM (replace them with men in orange)"

So like fuck man, what a dumbass 13 year old no? Why chumma proclaim to the world what your going to do. I never went to a cyber cafe when i was 14 and told that in charge bugger that i wanted to surf porn. I just opened multiple windows and mIRC to disguise my porn windows. haha.

Getting back to the whole situation, like big deal man. Even Google is apparently investigating all this crap. Like who cares man. Delete that fucking community and get off orkut. It sucks now anyways. So do all other networking sites. Get in touch with the people in person if you have to. Like, isint that the whole point anyways? Either that, or you fight with the men in orange and get ass whopped unnecessarily. They'll hunt your fucking ass down and make mince meat out of it. Trust me. Its scary.

Moving on to Pappa Ji. So after I smirked about that dumbass kid and he went away with his bag full of hormones, this annoying little voice came from behind me and it said "Pappa Ji, doosra level daalo nah, woh mountain waaala"
I was like gawwkkk, what the fuck is that. See mins, its this small boy who's the son of the owner cause he was sitting on the admin comp and was yelling his ass off like it was his pop's place. It was!

I thought he'd say it once and shut up about it. But the fucking little twit went on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about it. Like "paapaa ji, woh mountain waala daalo nah" or some other shit like "Pappa ji, woh second waala level daalo" indicating to his fucked up panzy ass dad to take him from the first level to the second level which his dad was miserably failing at considering how many times that small lil` twit kept saying it.

And all this for what, one of those fucked up flash games. Like fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!
I got so annoyed with that kid that i wanted to pull his fucking windpipe out of him and strangle him with it. That pappa ji fucking pissed me off the most. Why cant it just be papa. Fuckkkk!! Then too not papa, its paPPa for him, like ugh!

He deserves to goto hell.
I got my bike and it rides like a dream. Infact, if i could go back there, it'd ride like a dream over that small lil` twit also.

So much for blowing money on Auto from no on. Woohooo. Orange men zindabaad!

Wednesday, June 06, 2007


Oh hoo
Northy i've become?

I need Photoshop for the mac, someone send me a copy. Fast. Otherwise no photos for you guys.

Anyways, so lets get back into the grind now, shall we?

So, like I said, I am in this new city and all.
A few days back, I started to study a course here in Mumbai. My classes are from 8am in the morning to 11 am in the morning. Now what the fuck am I doing enrolled into a class so early in the morning, I dont know myself, but on my way out in the morning, I noticed something that pissed me off so much that i felt like ... errm, writing this blog.

Before i get into it, please note, I cant read Hindi and neither can I care less to learn. I also hate travelling by bus.

But lets just say I have to and have no choice. But you know what, in Mumbai, I cant. And you know why? Cause the fucking buses here in Mumbai only carry bus numbers in Hindi or Marathi or whatever the fucki.
Like seriously man, what the fuck do they expect people from other cities who come here to do with no knowledge of hindi. Let alone, get fucked by the million autorickshaw drivers who only believe in conversing in Hindi, they wont even make it easy to travel by bus.

Imagine my plight. First day in mumbai, headed from my dreaded 8am class at 7:45 and I cant read the bus number. Fucking shit. Its like i've landed on mars. They have the fucking bus number plates in english - MH whatever bullshit. Then why the fuck cant they have a small number written on the BUS NUMBER thing in english too? Sure, cater to the masses, have it written in BIGGER FONT SIZE in hindi. But for fucks sake, put one small indication in English as well.

Now for all you dickheads who'll get on my case for not knowing the matra bhashe and all that, piss off. I dont want to waste another good 5 years of my life learning a script i'll never end up using. If you didnt notice, I know english and this blog is published in english. So is the bus number plate.

The whole reason we adopted English for our number plates is cause if you travel say from one state to the other, you cant expect people to know how to read your fucking script. Whereas everyone can read the basic english alphabet and numbers atleast. Be kind dumbasses, have a small, even tiny print of the bus numbers in english as well.

What happens to that malayalee boy who lands here from Kerela. He wont know Marathi and he'll sound damm funny trying to converse in Hindi. Haha!

Saturday, June 02, 2007


Hey hey hey!
So, i am back in the country, in a new city, desperately trying to employ myself profitably enough.

I have more enemies than I'd asked for. Life couldnt be more hell.

But, I am off orkut.
The sucky thing that sucks the life out of you. Even though you know you come home everyday, open Firefox, then press CTRL T thrice to open three tabs and open gmail in one, orkut in the other and facebook in the last tab and sit there aimlessly for about 10 mins everyday checking your mail, reading and replying to your scraps and getting things organised on your facebook page.

Like really, what has life come to uh?
I had enough of the pretentious attitude. Moving right along, I've done many wrong things in my life. I hate it. But afterall, thats why I am only human i guess.

Mumbai is polluted as hell, but I goto be honest, its better than the New Bangalore atleast.
More on this city and the dumbasses who live here later.
Long live and cheers to me deciding to employ myself on again!

I wont promise its going to be fun to read this blog anymore, but i goto find something to do with this time on my hands and this beautiful machine they call the Mac.

Long live and rock on Aerosmith.