Misunderstandings - Part II

So I know its been a while and I know its the second post that I am writing to get off my chest without an image to tag along with, but hell, Photoshop wont install cause they've figured out someway to block the old keygens that I downloaded and it just wont work anymore. Oh screw them, I'll work out another way to get it working.

In any case, in time that has flown by, I've realized something. No matter what, I really like writing and that I cant seem to get enough of the fact that I like maintaining this record, as silly as it may sound.

SO here's my most recent obversation, from lands afar and old, one thing doesnt seem to change. The fact that misunderstandings can cause a lot of fucking havoc to one's life. I mean sure, I've tried my best to steer clear of any complications that might arise from anything, but invariably i've noticed so many of my friends and loved ones getting totally bogged down by something as simple as just a lack of communication. It totally sucks to see them sulk all the time and feel sorry for themselves. Sure it must hurt a lot too for them. But what I really dont get is how something thats so small and insignificant drives them up the wall and eventually becomes this huge thing thats right about ready to blow... Only cause one person says something and the other is supposed to understand but doesnt, or something like that.

I think there should be a solution to all this. Any pointers?
I promise i have a tonne to crib about this horrid country with a total lack of culture and discipline. But that for later, when I get photoshop to work or something..

Until then, sit at home, eat some popcorn and wonder why in this world you even have the slightest inclination to watch that horrid film featuring the words devil and prada in it cause it totally sucks and aint worth the 12 bucks I paid for it and also wonder why Dr. Pissed has gone mellow. Trust me, its just a phase of no photoshop. Its bound to pass with the eventual acquisation of a new keygen.

Beers and cheers!

Them Visitors from Other Countries

SORRY THIS WAS A BLOG THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO GO UP A LONG TIME AGO, BUT I JUST HAD TO LEAVE TOWN AND DO SOME STUFF THAT PREVENTED ME FROM BLOGGING ALL THIS WHILE.

While I get Photoshop fixed on my machine and I also work out a way to make time to write more often, excuse the fact that this post doesnt carry any image and make do with some frustration venting for a while.

The Post:

What are they called again?
Dickwarts!
Thats what.

Now, dont get me wrong. I have plenty of friends who are foreigners who come to town all the time and love it. What I cant stand is that some of them snotty type people will come here for the experience, hate it cause its just not their type of scene and bitch about us when back in their country.

Now sure, they are entitled to their opinions about us colored folk and I am all for tourism and all, but I really hate it when I see a guy walking down a street in my hometown with a message on his t which reads - "I survived India".

Now thats some audocity you mother fucker.

You know what man, I couldnt really give a damm.

Sure we've messed up on many quarters, on all quarters for that matter, but we didnt elect Mr. Bush president.

We have a nuclear scientist who we all seem to be proud of smiling all the time. And at least he's smiling.

Theater ET-E-KET (part II)

So umm, blogger got screwed for a few days, the govt tried to rule us again, they failed.
Anyways, all's back to normal I hope.

So here's an update.

I went to the movies today. Fancy movies. Pirates of the Caribbean - Dead Man's Chest (FYI: I couldnt spell Caribbean until a few minutes ago, but you dont really care) and apparently all of the male populace in Bangalore has become gay.

Judging by the luck I've had at movie theaters in the recent past, believe me when I say this, I got to sit next to the most humongous 40 year old in the entire theater. The bugger was massive and he was sitting right next to me, hogging my arm rest as usual. Wait, he wasnt only hogging the god damm arm rest, he was hogging the arm rest, the leg space, the seat space and whatever else space was left even in the corners. God damm he was huge.

Anyways, getting back to the topic, as the movie started, there was this huge roar like when Ranjikanth comes on screen in Shiva Theater or something no, like that. Everyone started cheering at the sight of Mr. Depp on screen. 98% of the cheering lot - GUYS.

Case in point, ALMOST ALL THE GUYS IN THE THEATER ARE GAY!!

Now hear me say this and hear me say this loud and clear, this never used to fucking happen back in 1998, before those dumbfuck northies came here and populated our theaters. Its them I tell ya, its them.
Infact the guy sitting next to the fat dude on the other side was actually standing up and yelling something at the screen I kid you not when Mr. Depp would do something fancy like manage to gather fruit with a pole which is tied to his back without using his hands - oooo!!

For fucks sake, its a movie theater. I paid just the same amount of money or more, except maybe for the fancy 100 buck Balcony folk to watch the movie in some nice peace and quiet, which by the way is the etiquette I assume is the norm in a theater anywhere in the world.

If you gay mother fuckers want to scream, get the fuck back to Chandigarh.

In other news, I had a lovely time thanks to some good company and you guys can go laugh your heads off with this Bangalore Torpedo Joke.

Tongue Tied

And twisted, just an earth bound misfit, I.

For the uninitiated, I wont bother explaining the line above, remain uninitiated.

I've noticed something really stupid off late. You know what. There's this thing, Orkut. I am sure everyone of you is a part of it. Well, so am I. Now, its fun and all. But you know what, its also a bitch.

Like it does what its meant to. It'll hook you up with a lot of people that you haven't kept in touch with and all. Then it'll also pop up that old friend of yours who'll be totally excited to see you and all. But what bothers me the most is once you get past the formalities and the hi's and the whatsup with work and all that jazz, they'll all just fade away, much like they did long before Mr. Orkut had his brainstorm of an idea.

It sucks and its been pissing me off quite a bit. Moreover, an old school friend of mine who I happened to find refuses to acknowledge that she even knew me. What the fucking!!

Happy franky? Short post.

The Ordeal!!

Who cares if its been a while. Maybe I just didn't have the time.

In anycase, I happened to goto the local Passport Office in Bangalore on Burton Street today and boy oh boy did I have to write about my experience. This is one thing that I don't want to forget so soon.

Right from the second I got there, I could just figure out that I was going to get swindled for my time and money, even if I choose to do it the legal way. So I wake up early cause someone was kind enough to tell me to get my ass there early in the morning, like before 8:30 types, so I could get myself a nice place in the already 300 feet long queue that had formed outside the office. So I parked my bike in this vacant site which had a board that read "Parking" and pointed to the left. I obeyed and parked my bike there when suddenly this stupid ugly looking fart walks up to me with a conductor bag slung around his shoulder and he tells me in Kannada "5 Rupees for 1 hour saar". Again, I had no choice. I had to park there considering the nearest parking was a good kilometer away and on the other side of the road and 4 people had already added their fat bodies to the 300 feet long queue. 5 fucking bucks for 1 hour. Now I remember when I used to pay 1 buck, 2 bucks max to park on the busiest roads of Bangalore and I used to almost always find parking and today I have to pay 5 fucking bucks for an hour. I ended up paying 30 in total. For parking. Now really. FUCK THAT MAN!!!

Then I went to the friendly neighbourhood Xeror Shop. Funny how that name came about. No one in Bangalore will say "Go get this photocopied". Instead they'll say "Go xerox it". Which works well for Xerox mind you. Anyways, so the guy at the Xerox shop photocopies the front and back pages of my passport and charges me 10 fucking bucks for 4 sheets of paper. I didn't want to argue. I had no choice.

I walked to the passport office with my bag and helmet in hand and I am suddenly surrounded by some 20 men trying to sell me the option of getting myself right in front of the already 350 feet long queue. I refuse each and every one of them cause I know most of the gimmicks wont work. Yeah right, who the fuck am I kidding. But we'll get to how to work your way around the system later.

So I stand in the queue only to be told by a disgruntled police man who loves his job way too much that I am in the wrong fucking queue and that I need to go and stand at the queue that had formed at the back of the passport office. Oh yeah, I am supposed to know that right? What with all the information boards erected all over the office. Fucking nitwits don't have anybody giving you any information there and everyone you ask seems to know more than you. Or has travelled more than you. Who gives a fuck. I just want to get my work done with and get the fuck out of there at the earliest. I aint there to make friends. I aint there to get married. I am there to get my fucking passport work done.

Anyways, somehow I find the "right" queue and then pick up a Misc. Enquires form from one old man who charged me 5 bucks for it, which I had to borrow from someone considering I didn't have any change on me and that old man didn't want to break a 100 for me. Anyways, I paid the guy back later. So its all good. When filling the form, something struck me, like that ball hitting the pigeon on the baseball field during that Yankees game. *Poof*

Now here I am. A grown man, with a valid passport and all I wanted to do is get my fucking photograph changed cause apparently some authorities liked to see a more recent photograph on my passport when I leave the country. Yet, these dimwits have to put you through all this. They ask a million questions that are totally irrelevant to anything that your there to do on that form, yet you have to fill it up. I did just that. Filled it up.

Then I stood in the queue for 3 hours. It hardly moved. There was an old man standing in front of me who made small conversation with the young software engineers behind me who were all there to get their ECNR done. I couldn't care less. Didn't want to talk to anyone. But imagine their plight. They are there to get some ECNR done and its not merely as complicated as say, changing a passport photograph. Yet they have to wait in a queue for 3 hours, pay 300 buck, make small talk with old men who seem to want to brag about how they cracked a deal for some shit loads of money in China just last week and how they knew some IAS officer who travelled with him to Germany or some crap like that. I say, they don't give a damm at that office. They'll take your form. Laugh while reading it, blow their nose next to their table. Drink some water and stamp your passport. Just like that.

Then why the fuck should cut work, stand in a queue, make small talk and all that jazz? Fuck the system.

Anyways, after a long 3 hours of standing that I am not used to doing (come on, its not like I stand for 3 hours at a stretch, everyday. What the fuck am I? A farm animal?) I get near that prison gate that they have at the side of the passport to enter the place and go and meet the officer when that Policeman (who btw is friends with all the 20 mother fuckers who surrounded me at 8:30 in the morning) stops me at that gate saying "Saar, irii, full iddhay". That basically means, "Wait you dimwit, its full". I obey!

Suddenly one of those shady 20 guys brings one ugly man who wants to get some PPC done at the office and says "Namavaruu" to the police man and suddenly the policeman takes his finger, points it at the sky, shakes his hips and takes that man inside while I, and the other 80 people are still waiting our turn. Now hold on there mister, what the fuck was that I said to myself. When I asked that cop what the fuck he just did, he said, he had come earlier and that he had gone out to buy or xerox something and that I could go in as well before I made more noise and started something that would affect his moral job. I just laughed, went it, told that ugly man to stand behind me, else I would report the matter to the Passport Officer on top and he just moved. So, those 20 mother fuckers do work. They can pull strings apparently.

Anyways, so i just stood in another queue for sometime. Now the old man was telling the software engineers about property rates in Devanhalli. Those guys must be cursing the guy in English, which I am sure he don't understand too well judging by the superb English he was entertaining them with. In any case, some 20 minutes of waiting later, I am told to show my papers to this man who sticks an orange sticker on my form and tells me to go and sit down and wait for my token number to be called.

That happens in excatly another 10 minutes. I go there and tell this other man at Counter 8A that I wanted to get my passport photograph changed and also have the new passport reflect my new address and the man tells me that it'll take 40 days.

40 fuckin days to change a photograph and issue it with a new address, which btw I've got an affidavit for and also submitting originals of a telephone bill and the Ration Card that has my name on it as well. But no, 40 fucking days.

I don't have 40 fucking days. Is there anything else I can do, I say.
Sure he says. Tatkaal or some crap like that.
I said yeay, tatkaal it is. Work me the deal will ya mister.
He says, wait... in a hush hush tone.

Then he gives all my papers to another lady sitting behind him and says "Tatkaal"
She looks at me, looks at the papers, writes some stuff, looks at me, leaves the small enclosure, walks up a staircase, comes back, sits down, looks at me, looks at another one of my papers (my offer letter from a Univ abroad), looks at her water bottle, looks at me, adjusts her glasses, speaks to her friend - the guy who put that orange sticker on my application, looks at me, writes something in Zulu on the last page of my application and says "Gs mez Jass Maiah" or some crap like that.

I say, "Uh??"

That man who said tatkaal in that hush hush tone to her says "Go meet the Asst. Passport Officer". Phew, I say and ask for directions. He points upward. I take the stairs. Get to the Asst. Passport Officers office and do the formalities.

This man is the only dignified man in the whole office. Alteast so it seemed. He spoke very well. Signed my form. Told me to come on the 5th and to collect my new passport.
DONE.

I say thank you. He says, go down and pay the Tatkaal fees. I obey!

I went down. The cow who kept looking at me told me that I have to pay 2,500 bucks cause it was Tatkaal. I obeyed.

2,500 bucks to change a passport photograph, which I paid and got clicked at a GK Vale in bangalore with my money. 2,500 bucks to issue a black booklet with a few sheets of paper in a days time.

Really, who the fuck are we kidding. The fucking retards at that office need that much money to move their asses and finish it in 2 days time. Else, it takes 40 days apparently.

Getting from the queue to the counter = 3 hours
Getting the actual work done = 20 mins max

Money cant buy me love. It sure can buy me a new passport with a new photograph and my new address. Yay!
Fuck the system.
I obey!

Welcome Aboard!

Ok, so this post is for a friend who's been waiting to read this for a while and is at home doing nothing and is getting some much needed rest (I guess)

This is a pretty outdated post, but I've been meaning to write about this crappy airline for a while now. Just haven't found the time. Now, I used to fly pretty often to Mumbai and back on work, almost 2-3 times a week. I would be out of town on work most of the time cause the industry that I work for demands that we travel a lot.

Anyways, I've never ever flown Indian Airlines before the dreaded day that I didn't manage to catch any other plane back home and had to fly with the airline only cause I had important material to get back to the office the same night. I wouldn't have really had a problem with Air Deccan even, but IA is an airline that I'll stay away from after what happened on that fateful night.

So there I was, done with my work and it was some 7:30 in the night and I had an open ticket booked on IA cause the rest of the planes were full and had already left. The fine folk at my office apologized profusely for giving me a ticket on IA instead of any other airline, but then again, its not their fault. All the other airlines were booked to the brim and had already taken off as I mentioned earlier.

I went to their counter and my flight was at some 8:30 types. I waited in the queue for a while and then got my boarding pass. I requested for a seat on the Emergency Exit, which btw all the other airlines I have flown wouldn't have any problem giving to me cause I am bloody tall, this airline refused. I am almost sure it wasn't full and I was like one of the first 20 people to collect my boarding pass, yet that bitch sitting across the counter, who I am sure was eating paan on the sly, didn't like my face or my hair or something and just refused to budge. So I settled for a seat right behind the emergency exit which is seat no. 13 on most airlines again since I couldn't fight that fat ugly cow with blood red lips.

After a while, having just picked up something to eat from that ONE STALL that they have at the airport for some ridiculous amount of money, I look up and notice that there is a 30 minute delay mentioned next to the IA Flight to bangalore. I looked outside the huge glass panes that they have there are terminal 1A and I could see that our plane had landed and I kept wondering what really caused the delay. None the less, I called the office to inform them that they should send the cab a good hour late cause of the delay.

It was approximately 9, when that stupid guard at the exit door yelled out that the plane was ready to board or whatever crap. So all of us got up and went and parked our asses on the planes in our respective seats. Everyone began to sweat. Now that's odd, aint it? Your not supposed to fucking sweat on an airline cause they have the airconditioning working. Now I am no snobby bitch or any of that jazz and will even sleep on the floor if I have to, but don't expect me to sit in a fucking capsule for 1½ hours with everyone from Mr. Fat-Pig-Businessman from Pune to some other dickwart from Ahmedabad eating their meals and breathing/farting/burping/whateverthefucking inside the same capsule as me. I mean, its not like I could slide open the windows or something. The plane was a fucking time bomb waiting to explode cause of all theperspiringg and dirty smells of people taking off their shoes on the plane (which btw is another thing that pisses me off a lot about Mumbai flights back home)

I called the air hostess, another one of those fat ugly cows whodon'tt even deserve to sellpharmaceuticalss at Cash Pharmacy came up to me and asked me what the matter was. As if shedidn'tt fucking already know. Anyways, so i told her, "pardon me for calling you, but if youdon'tt already notice, it is getting rather hot in here. Could you maybe have the airconditioning turned to a lower temperature maybe" to which she said, "I'll let the captain know". Oh wise decision bitch. Instead of having him fly the fucking plane, get him outside the cabin to fix the airconditioning.

Anyways, after a while, while we were stuck in a traffic jam on the taxiway, everyone began to fan themselves with the free DNA newspapers that they scam at the airport. Everyone began to complain and the captain got on the radio and announced to all of us in a bold and very clear voice. He said, "Good evening passengers" - (fuck your good evening and just get on with it you dickwart, its getting hotter by the minute and wedon'tt like it), "we are having some technical problems with the airconditioning" - (fuck yeah, its not working maybe) "Once we areairbornee, it should get cooler. Kindly bear with us" - (holy fucking crap, he's even more psycho than that fat cow. He's going to come out and open all our windows or break them down with his fancy Indian Airlines belt buckle)

Everyone burst out laughing cause it was hilarious. Everyone wondered why in this world we all even decided to fly with them. I mean how in this living world could they justify taking off with a technical problem? What if the air conditioning blew the fucking engines and we burst into flames cause of their technical problem? They (the IA people inside our aircraft)didn'tt seem to mind. They were too busy heating coffee and dinner. I am sure everyone fastened their seat belts nice and tight and said a prayer.

Nowdon'tt get me wrong, I most certainly hate this airline andwouldn'tt suggest any of you fly it. It just sucks beyond compare and the food is a good 4 days old, no matter who you are and how much money you've paid for your ticket. For the life of me, I promised that day that I'll walk to Mumbai if i have to, but never put up with them ever again!

Them fucking cows.. I am sure haracry is one of those fat ugly air hostesses!
hehe

Wannabes!!

I went for a show yesterday. Some stupid show that featured a band from another country that I'd never heard of before or some crap like that. What a bummer of a show. First, I didn't want to go but was made to go after some EB [read: emotional blackmail for the uninitiated]. Second, there was only one cool band that was going to get to play for 20 minutes and that was the ONLY saving grace, except maybe for the samosas.

I reached there just when the first band was getting off stage. Not much talent in them. Thought they were ok ok types. Good drummer. Nice skills he's got there. Made the music from the band sound much better, like my drummer friend pointed out to me. Next was the band that I had gone there to watch and they rocked as usual. Started off with Perfect Strangers. Almost covered it to the nail. Thought the guitar was a bit of a let down, but all in all, you cant blame them for a near perfect show. Thoroughly enjoyable.

Then came on this band which I didn't quite understand. Now right from the spelling of their name to their playing skills, I thought this band was pseudo from the word go, pleasing all those boys and girls who had turned up in a multitude of very colorful t-shirts and savrovski laden jeans. 90% of whom were northy I am sure. We Bangalore folk like to go to a rock show dressed appropriately. Not turn it into a disco and break into song and dance at the given opportunity. Which mind you, the band did as well.

Now, I have nothing against the band personally, but the way they acted on stage was just so totally screwed up. I mean the lead vocalist is a good guy. Brilliant vocals too. Think he does a mighty impressive job with another local band here in Bangalore. But with what he did on stage yesterday, my image of the dude has completely changed. I am guessing its the same case of "The band bogged him down". I couldn't care less. Hopping around like your from one of them KorN bands just don't bake my cookie for me. I am sure that wasn't the intent either, so lets leave him out of the equation.

They tried to cover some songs. They failed. I hated their rendition of almost all the covers they did and one of their own compositions had just 6 chord changes in all and sounded like an ad jingle you'd hear on Radio City. Now I am no technical kind of guy when it comes to music. I'll listen to anything that sounds good. But this band didn't. Sure they got a whole bunch of them to throw their hands up in the air and yell "Oh Oh Oh" and shit, but lets have them rave about these guys on their blogs.

What totally made me loose it though is when I saw that drummer boy fellow stand up and pretend to be Portnoy. He even had a scarf around his head which I am sure he'll tell you is a BANDANA. Anyways, its not. Its a scarf. So everytime he's done playing one of his 4 x 4's, he'll stand up, stick his tongue out like Portnoy used to and roll his sticks for a while. Sure man, do all that shit if you have the skills to match. Why only run half the race no? Why not go all the way and play like him too? Seriously, this guy lacked any skill at all. Big guy, tall dude too. Belted the crap out of them poor animal skins and just made a lot of noise. No music. They finished their set and all and just then, the MOST AMAZING THING IN THE WORLD HAPPENED. The dumb ass rhythm guitarist unplugged his guitar, came to the center of ramp and destroyed that instrument man.

Lets take another close look at that now, shall we? Assuming that he broke the guitar he was using on stage, it was a nice piece. Made for a good sound too. Assuming that it'd cost anywhere between him selling his teeth to his kidney, its fair to say that someone from his family purchased it for him. And he goes and does that to his instrument? I mean really man, you aint in no trance or some shit. Your not like tripping and smoking good. And even if you were, it wouldn't justify what you did to your instrument. That just goes to show how immature you really are. If any one of us were to ask him why he did what he did, I am sure he'd have no explanation. Fair enough to say that he doesn't owe us one, but then again, its a guitar. Its not meant to be broken. Sure, when you join Nirvana, make a couple of a million yourself playing your fingers off to some grunge music, then feel free to break your old ones (which btw I still think is very very lame and even hate The Who for doing it) But your not no?

The truth of the matter is that your here in Bangalore. Not making music that sells. Not making enough money off music to put food in your mouth and not running your life around music. So don't do shit like that to your instrument man. Take it home. Keep it in that box. Give it to your kid. He'll probably make something of it that you never did.

Like my friend rightly pointed out just a minute back, no musician would want to destroy his instrument. But then again, we never said the guy who did just that yesterday was one in the first place.

VH1 on the other hand did some kickass video sequences that looped on the mammoth 4+1 projectors that they'd setup. Good sound. Good company. Crappy music. Pfft, I need to get out of the country and watch myself a Dave Matthew's concert.

Hold

I was just going to blog about this a while ago when my friend began talking to me about it and thus delayed it by a few minutes. No problems though. I still remember it properly mins properly.

So everytime I call someone from my cell phone, they have this uncanny knack of putting you on hold. Now I have no clue how they figure your calling from the cell phone, but they do and they always manage to put you on hold, for a very long period of time let me add.

When you call from the land line, it almost never happens. But you call from the cell phone and they have to put you on hold. Its like something up there tells them that your calling from the cell phone and they know how much its going to hurt your bill when they put you on hold.

Now the stupid fuck that I am, I always call one agency that is helping me get my butt out of the country from my cell phone. They have a land line. I pay some 2 bucks a minute to the land line. Now the daft fuckers over there have no fucking ethics. They've done plenty of things wrong which has contributed to quite a bit of stress otherwise also let me add, but today stole the cake. I called their LANDLINE up from my cell phone as usual hoping to get a quick answer so that I could be on my way doing my own work. So that receptionist picks up the phone and says "Hello BLAH BLAH, how can I help you" and I said "May I please speak with ABC" and she says .. "hold on a minute" and didn't even let me tell her that I was calling from my cell phone. So, since I had no other choice, I just waited. Unfortunately for me, it wasn't a minute. But over four. Then she comes back on the line and says "OMG, I am so sorry, your still here. Hold on, let me transfer you" and I said "Oh thanks a lot. Please be quick though" trying to be as polite as possible.

She takes another 30 seconds and picks up the phone again and says "May I ask what this is regarding", to which I said "Umm, she asked me to call her. Could you please just transfer the call" and she said "Oh ok.. one moment" and put me on fucking hold again. Now some good 5 minutes had gone ok. That's a grand total of 10 bucks on just holding the fucking line without getting any of my work done. I wont bother with what happened next cause there's no point.

The point though is that situations like this put you off a little bit. Firstly cause you cant tell that person your calling from the cell phone and losing quite a bit of money holding the line cause then they'll end up thinking that your cheap or whatever whatever and secondly cause I don't have a landline, I don't have a fucking choice.

I just don't get this point of holding the line. Either they should be able to help you or do your work for you on the spot as you speak to them and finish with the conversation as soon as possible or ask you to call back. I hate waiting and listening to some crappy WAITING TUNES. They suck as hell and wasting money holding the line totally pisses me off.

And Blu, thanks for the laughs mate. Hahaha! You had it worse than me.

Laugh Club

OMG!!
I just cant deprive you guys of all the fun I am having right now, watching this video that my friend uploaded onto You Tube.

I dont do this often. I mean, I dont drift away from the idea behind the blog and post or link up people, but this definitely deserves to be watched, atleast by all my readers. Consider it a thanks-for-coming-by-and-visiting gift.

More importantly thanks to Wally for putting up the video and thanks to Susu and Sadia for sharing the video. You guys are the punk!

CLICK HERE FOR THE VIDEO
[again thanks to wally for uploading it]

Special thanks to the fourth lady (the one standing right in front of the giggling younger girls) who does the best fucking MOBILE LAUGH IN THE PLANET. You rule ma`am!!
Thanks for all the laughs. This will keep me laughing for life.
Beats that Eef You Come Today video anyday.

I promise I am going to try and organise something so all of us can go there and be a part of this, atleast once. Everyone interested, drop me a line.

doctorpissed at gmail dot com

Ad Hic

I mean, is it just me or is there something that is offensive about that ad?
Now before we start, please be sure to use the mull accent to pronounce the word COKE cause I am sure 83% of McCann is Mull and only they'll get the pun. Anyways, moving right along, BIG FUN with the BIG COKE!!

I mean really, do we have to stoop so low? I am not trying to make something out of nothing. The fact that its been happening a lot is pissing the shit out of me. First I noticed this ad the other day as I went to meet a friend alright. Now, sure, I am all for visual communication and all, but if you actually look at that hoarding from a very customer centric standpoint, its got shit loads of pun thrown into it with all the UPPER CASE, lower case communication style and to top it all off, you've got Ash sucking on a bottle of cock, umm, coke!

Thats just wrong man. Its cheap and it aint funny even. What other sort of fun could they fucking be talking about? The fun that one derives from sucking on a glass bottle? Umm.. what else? The fun that those red vectors seem to indicate - NOT. Umm, what else? NOTHING. Cause its a bad ad with bad taste. Call me old fashioned, but good ads with a good punch line, as offensive as they are, are always GOOD ads. This one just sucks and makes absolutely no sense. The copy guy fucked up big time and the graphic guy just sat there, ate peanuts and came up with the idea of the sucking image. Fucking dumbasses.

Remember the Kingfisher hoardings that were ruling our skies a few months ago? The one on M.G. Road was as interesting as hell. They had one of those ugly looking air hostesses (which by the way is the only other thing I hate about Kingfisher. The other thing is that they don't serve Fresh Lime like on Jet) holding her hand up like she was indicating super by putting her index finger over her thumb and the other fingers pointing towards the sky. Much like how you'd make a dog's face impression when there is now power and you have to make do with the candle. In her other hand, she had a miniature scale model of one of those Kingfisher aircrafts and again, call me old fashioned, but the image was YUCKY!! Like she's trying to do something with the aircraft and the hole. Fucking stupid graphics.

Remember the Titan Ad. Sure it was cool as hell and we all 20 year olds loved it and even used that "ooohh yess sirr" once or twice to get it on with someone, but damm man, imagine those hormones of them 13 year olds. Those kids who are just about figuring out that Junior does more than just go pee pee and all. What the fuck are they going to make of the ad? Again, I loved the ad, but it wasn't in good taste, not when the whole demographic is concerned. Its not like we have TV ratings that are followed or any of that crap. All of them 13 year olds watch Baywatch and all that shit. Sure!! But why swim with the rest of them when you can fly solo and stay out of the water man? I say, don't stoop so low. Come up with creative, intelligent copy. Screw the sexual connotation all the fucking time. There's more to advertising than just Sex. But really, who am I kidding?

Like these, there have been enough instances when we, the people remotely associated with the Ad World, have had to just put our heads down in shame. Not because we're all doing something wrong, but because some of us just have bad taste. I wonder who approves of these ads? Don't they go through Censor Certification like the films do? How about the CD's and all at the agency. I mean really, don't they give a damm?


Infact the other day, I was at the movies watching the most fucked up movie of last month, The Pink Panther, which is thought was a total waste of my money. To add to my misery, there were shit loads of northie and southie kids, more northie than southie who'd stand up from their seats and start laughing like dickheads all the time. Then they'd scream, "mummy, who kya tha mummy?" (which is how I concluded more northie than southie) But really though, shut the fuck up and watch the movie kid. You fucking dickwart. No one gives a crap if you understood the movie or not. Just shut the fuck up and thank your lucky starts you were brought to the movies in the first place. Dumbasses.

Anyways, so I was there, bored out of my skull within the first 3 minutes of the movie, sulking as usual. Next to me was a kid, one of them pesky 13 year olds who came to the movies with his elder sister and her friend. The elder sister, nor her friend sat next to me and made that dumbass sit next to me. I didn't mind though. They weren't any hot looking or anything. As my money was getting burnt on screen, there was this scene where that guy who looked like the Naked Gun fellow was trying to get this french chick off a table cause she couldn't jump down like the rest of the women from the rest of the world, cause she's french. So he asks her to climb over his shoulders to get down. Don't ask me why. They thought that would be funny I guess. They ultimately get into a position where the naked gun fellow lookalike has his face right in that french woman's *ahem ahem* and then prance around the room pretending not to be able to dismount one another. So suddenly the dumbass 13 year old who was just laughing cause the rest of the movie hall was laughing for god knows what fucking reason decided that it was time to make his sister and her friend feel totally awkward. So he stood up, turned to them and said "Umm, what happened just now? Why was that funny?" Now clearly, sister dearest or her friend couldn't explain and were totally put in a very uncomfortable situation. They just tried to laugh it off which made it even worse. Thanks to the dumbass 13 year old though, I atleast had some fun.

Sometime later in the movie, it happened again though. The Naked Gun fellow pops one of them Viagra pills, or rather tries to pop one of them pills when it accidently slips into the commode (oh how funny) and then he rips the whole bathroom apart trying to get to it. So after laughing like a dickwart again, the 13 year old stands up and asks his sister "Umm, what was that? Why was he looking for it, why why?" to which his sister replied, "It was nothing. Just like that"

Muhahahaha get the whole deal now?
I am saying, that Pink Panther movie wasn't meant for those kids. If it was, it sucked. If it was meant for people like me and my friends, then it still sucked cause it wasn't funny. Just get your target audience right and make sure they see it. Simple

I hate cock anyways. I am a pepsi fan! They make good Pepsi ads too (international ones atleast)

Screw the Spellings!

Oh really, for fucks sake, spelling mistakes?
Its all been adding up lately. I could care less for spelling mistakes really. Yet people make it a point to point them out. Especially when your chatting with someone. I mean really, who gives a fucking crap!!

We're chatting for crying out loud. As long as you can understand what I am "trying" to tell you, who cares if I spelt the world encyclofuckingpedia wrong? Fucking mother fuckers have to make it a point to tell you that your wrong.

Sure its wrong to like make a spelling mistake in a written test or an exam or something, but on CHAT? You've got to fucking be kidding me. Now quickly, all you spelling freaks out there, tell me fastly fast that there is no such word as "fastly". FUCK YOU!!

I've had it up to here with all you dimwits. Like my friend says, "The point behind language is communication" and I tend to agree with her. So fuck the spellings and just get on with whatever business you have online. And I promise i'll make it a point to use a spell check everytime I apply for a job or write an exam!
I hope my spell checker is a hot ass chick.. woohoo..

The World Was Created by the Devil

Fuck this world man. No, really, FUCK THIS WORLD!!!

Now, I was just thinking to myself yesterday when I was riding my bike and it all fell into place for me. Nothing really sparked this thought off, but for fucks sake, it all fell into place. Atleast for me. If any of you guys are religious and all that jazz, stop yourself from reading on. I am just ranting cause I want to and don't want to offend anyone.

Going by the theory of intelligent design and all that blah blah, this world was made by God. Now, if you and I were to believe that shit, then why the fuck would God want to do this to us man. I mean come on now really. If you guys have noticed, 90% of all the things that you want, like, desire are always BAD FOR YOU. I mean what kind of a sadist of an intelligent designer would do something like that to us?

Right from the beginning of time, out of all the things that God had to forbid Adam and Eve to eat, he choose the apple. The ripe sweet awesome looking apple. Not the crappy green yucky cabbage or any of that jazz. He had to choose the apple. Obviously Adam couldn't take it anymore and plunged on the apple the minute he got the chance. And that my friend was termed a sin. Yeah my fucking ass!! He just ate the apple cause he wanted to. God damm it!! [hehe, god damm it I said, hehehe]

Anyways, moving right along, like I said earlier, everything that you really want is bad for you. Like that hot chick you see one day and you know she's right for you on one hand. On the other, you know if you took her home and introduced her to your mother, one glance of her sleeveless top and those sexy tight Levis L-530's or whatever it is those hot women wear with their shades and their ciggies and your mom will forbid you from ever meeting her. Even sweet mum's like mine will show doubt in their eyes when meeting people like this, although you know for a fact that she's right for you, common sense and everyone around you will warn you with crap like "she's bad for you man/dude/beta/son/whateverthefuck"

You want to have a fucking ice cream just when it begins to get hot and that's also bad for you. Sure it'll end up messing around with your fucking system and will give you a terrible cold just when summer starts, but for fucks sake, if you want to eat an ice cream, you should be allowed to, without people telling you not to have it. You want to get wet in the first rains and you'll hear someone or the other yelling "Dont get wet in the rain".

How about those nice looking chips? Or a Twix bar just before you hit the sack. We all know you want it, but can you have it? NO YOU FUCKING DIMWIT, you cant.

In all honesty, FUCK YOU!!! [to that inner voice]

I can go on and on about this fucking shit and it'll only end up pissing me off more and more. All I goto conclude is, if God wanted us to be living happily, he wouldn't have made sure that all the things we love the most are the things that end up being BAD for us. Now that just doesn't equate right, like 2 and 2 make 5 or something.

POMS - The Mother of All Piss Offs

Pom·er·a·ni·an (pŏm'ə-rā'nē-ən, -rān'yən)
n.

1. Any of a breed of small dogs having long silky hair, a foxlike face, pointed ears, and a hairy ail curling over the back. These dogs are the Mother of All Piss Offs the world over. Shoot everyone of them at sight and dont think twice about cutting them into small pieces either.

I think thats more than enough no? Fucking mother fucking bastard breed of a dog only these Poms are. They dont deserve to live on our planet. They need a planet of their own. I am officially issuing a "Kill the mother fuckers warrant" against all living Poms. Each and everyone of you reading this blog is free to kill as many poms as you guys sight and are free to point to this website and the "Kill the Mother Fuckers Warrant" that is in bold letters after doing so if questioned.

They dont serve a purpose. They arent cute. Thus they cant be pets. They cant be guard dogs if they can be run over by a bicycle. What the fuck are they going to guard? Their balls? They have this annoying face that no one can stand. They also have the worst bark in dog land. I mean really, who the fuck gives a damm about their worthless lives? NO ONE. Thus I say, kill them all.

Today as I was coming back home, this small little twit of an animal they call a Pom came running out a gate and charging at my leg. Since I was riding and wearing nice Converse Floaters, i kicked the mother fucker in the face. Then i stopped the bike, had a huge argument with his owner and told him to keep this dog tied to his gate else I am just going to run him over with my bike. He didnt even bother asking me why. I think he knew the answer already!!

In all fairness to the breed, I am not going to rant about them any further. I just think this breed of dog is by far the biggest piss off in the planet.

Bad Luck!

Bad luck just sucks don't it?
Been running through some pretty shitty luck lately which just brought me about to question myself. I actually sat and thought for a while on a trip to a beach resort recently (which also explains the delay in updating my blog) about me. Thought about if I was a bad person and deserved all the darned luck I was getting off late with everything that I did.

For fucks sake, its been bad. Else it wouldn't be pissing me off this bad.
On this trip alone, I've had more bad luck than in the last 5 years. Or maybe I am just more conscious about it now cause I was thinking about all the "bad luck" so much. Whatever it was, it was pissing me off.

The minute we got into the Beach Resort called Turtle Bay - which by the way happens to be one the most brilliant places in Karnataka, second only to Devbagh in Karwar maybe, everyone checked into their rooms. To my luck, we got the last fucking room with a low roof. Now, not only was the fucking fan making enough noise to compete with my dad's snoring, the fucking fan just refused to cool the room. We even kept the mother fucking door and the windows open, yet, no fucking cool air in the room.

Anyways, I didn't want to fight it, so I just went out and slept on one of those hard cement things shaped like a fucking bed. It was hard, but the sea breeze made it all feel good. The morning came and we all jumped into the water. Now I aint a very good swimmer, but I get around. To my, or rather our bad luck, it was a day before "Amawase" which basically translates into "no moon day" or something like that. The waves were pretty rough, but that isn't the bad luck bit I am talking about. It was nothing that any average joe couldn't handle. To my luck though, everytime I jumped into the water, after about 2-3 minutes, I'd get stuck between 2 waves with a strong undercurrent and would be pulled down and sucked right in. I'd only come out of the water a few seconds later with enough salt water in my stomach, eyes, nose and ears. Trust me, the feeling aint that good. Now if it happened once, I'd shun it off as nothing significant. It happened more than 4 times, each time only after I got into the water. I mean, come on, I cant have that much bad luck.

It was evening now. Everyone ordered for something to drink. Most of them settled for Coffee/tea cause that's what they wanted. I don't drink Coffee or Tea so I asked for a Fresh Lime Juice cause that's something that I like. He said they didn't have Limes. So I asked for some Tender Coconut Water. He said no to that as well. All he had was Watermelon and Chickoo Juice, both of which I hate to the core. Sheeeeeeeeeeeeesh!!

Couple all that with a driver with shit loads of bad attitude and trust me, you cant attribute it to anything else but bad luck, which by the way, pisses me off to the core.

All in all though, barring all the bad luck, it was one sexy LONGGGGGGGGGGGG overdue holiday that I needed very badly.
Cheers to some good fun with the family.

Oh! The Pains..

I thought I'll take a swing at what was happening in the city over the last couple of days, but I knew the job was meant for people with greater abilities of expressing the sentiments of the average bangalorean to dig into the Raj Kumar issue, so I stayed away and waited for them to put up their post. Read it, totally agree with it and discussed shooting all the mother fuckers down with my friends as well. That is the only way. Kill the bastards.

Then I thought I'll take a swing at the guy who took a swing at me in my last post. Under the comments section. Some dickhead who doesn't deserve another mention, nor a link. Decided against it cause it wasn't worth my time or my blog space.

But the other thing that has been pissing me off over the last few days was my trip to the dentist. First of all, I hate dentists. I hate the idea of going to the dentist cause I have no happy associations with the visit to the dentist. I am guessing no one does. I hate the pain, the sound, the everything about the dentist.

To my bad luck though, I haven't been taking care of my teeth lately. I've been eating junk food late in the night, not brushing before going to bed and waking up late, all which lead me to have 4 cavities and the need to get 1 root canal. Obviously, I tried to find the best dentist possible and with folks from the hospital line, that wasn't a problem. I managed to track down a very good consultant who was consulting at a hospital in Indiranagar who worked under my dad for sometime.

Now, don't get me wrong. He sure is good at his craft. But the problem was, he suggested that I let him use a Root Canal Specialist to get my root canal done and then he'd move on to filling my cavities and taking care of the rest of my dental ailments. I agreed. [read: the biggest mistake of my life]

The irony of the situation is, the mother fucking specialist ended up screwing up my fucking tooth even more than it actually was. Let me tell you guys what happened. I went to the dentist on Friday. The bastard gave me a local anesthetic to numb the pain and started drilling my tooth. He then took small metal pins and started digging out my nerve. From the way he was going, I obviously assumed he was good at it. He ended up cleaning and irrigating my canal (as gross as that sounds) in 15 minutes flat. With very little pain I might like to add. I was amazed and truely believed he was a specialist and was thankful to the doctors who suggested I get it done with him. Then he called me over to his table and said, "I'll see you on Tuesday and we'll complete it then. I'll put the permanent filling then". He then sent me packing.

I was so happy to get out of there that soon. It began hurting a little, but nothing severe. Nothing that I couldn't take. A day went by and my whole mouth started to ache like mad. I thought it was pain that I was supposed to deal with and didn't bother with it. That night, I couldn't sleep cause my mouth was hurting that bad. In the morning, I called the doctor at the hospital (the good consultant - not the specialist) and told him, "Doc, I am having this fucked up pain in my mouth and the tooth that the specialist did the RC on it just too fucking sensitive. What the fuck is happening?". He said, "Oh, just go get yourself these antibiotics and these pain killers and come see me tomorrow"

NOTICE, I was fucking prescribed the antibiotics 2 whole days after my RC. It slipped my mind too, but then I realized I wasn't prescribed any medication. I mean come on. They fucking drilled my teeth with metal, the dug the canal with metal and obviously there is no need to prescribe any antibiotics. ITS NOT LIKE IT'LL GET INFECTED OR ANYTHING. Mother fuckers, ofcourse it will. The infection spread to my gums even and that's why I couldn't bear the pain or sleep anymore.

I rushed to the hospital on Tuesday morning and my friend the specialist was there. I told him I am having severe pains and he said "Ahh, sit down, let me take a look". I was tempted to say "Fuck you mother fucker", give him the finger and say "take a look at this, why don't you, you fucking son of a fat cow", but I restrained and sat down on that cool dentist bed kind of thing. He gave me a local anesthetic shot and dug out the temporary filling and tried to remove whatever pus and infection that was there in my tooth. He managed to get out quite a bit before my tooth started to ache again. He gave me another shot of local and tried digging again. It still fucking hurt like mad. He gave me another shot. No luck. He took an X-Ray. Made me wait a while. The X-Ray came back and he said something in his oh-I-am-a-doctor-and-I-can-whisper kind of way to the other docs in the room and said "I'll just prescribe you some new antibiotics and some pain killers and some other medication to confuse the shit out of you so that you wont sue my ass and come meet me on Tuesday next" and he quickly left the room and made me leave too before I could say CADBURY.

I mean, just to get you guys to understand what kind of pain I was in, 1 local anesthetic administered and they should be able to knock off all my teeth in the stipulated region with a hammer and I shouldn't feel a thing. They gave me 3 and it still hurt. Fucking bastardddddd!!!

Apparently the infections spread to my gums. The pains still there. Its been 9 whole days, 24 tabs of Mox-LB, 12 tabs of Inac and a couple of Ketorals thrown in there to knock me cold at nights and it still fucking hurts. If this doesn't go away and even by mistake if the bastard doc ends up being a northy-residing-in-bangalore, no prizes for guessing what I am going to be doing with him...

-------------------

On another note though, if you guys dont already read these two blogs, you should. Good fun!

1. The Bangalore Torpedo
2. Silverine

Aww Hanimals

Now I aint no Animals Rights Activist or anything, but there are somethings that make me sad and cruelty towards harmless animals pisses the life out of me.

I just don't see the point behind hurting an animal that is harmless. Not that i am advocating that we go around hurting the animals that are harmful, but then again, you get what I am trying to say.

Just this morning, when i was traveling toward Koramangala, I saw this poor horse man. Both his front limbs and his hind limbs were tied together with a rope. Tightly even. So tight that the poor animal could barely move. I didn't have the courage, nor the blade to chop that rope off, but the damm visual left me thinking. I was just wondering why someone would do such a thing. Like if his owner didn't want him to run away or something, he should have fastened him to a tree or something. Fed him well and tied him up in his backyard or something. Why do something so criminal that the animal has to suffer so much. In the hot sun! God damm it. That just sucked for that poor horse. He couldn't even move his legs forward without it hurting.

Now that might just be a one off incident, but i am sure as hell there are tonnes of such incidents out there that we're not privy to. I say, death to all the mother fuckers ill-treating animals for no fault of theirs. I cant write anymore on the subject. It pisses me off terribly. Damm it.
Poor horse.

State of Bangalore

Yeah my ass..
I just got done watching this show on CNN IBN about 30 minutes back with this rather stupid mediocre title "State of Bangalore" which was a show that focused on the issues that have been troubling the city over the last few years, northies being one of them I might like to add as tactfully included in the list by the producers of the show made sure. It was more of an open discussion with a host and a few panelists which included our YENG Chief Minister, a few other dimwits and one smart man who runs Janaagraha. Some interesting points that man brought out.

Anyways, moving right along. I was really frustrated with the views of some of the mother fuckers on the show. Especially that Kannada Dude who wanted to rename bangalore to bengaluru just for kicks apparently. He wanted Bangalore to get in touch with and identify with Bengaluru and that was his stupid wart of a reason. Now really, what sense does that make? It just doesn't make any fucking sense to me. A name is a name. Leave it at that. I doubt even if we were to go ahead with the name change, it would really make a big difference to any one of us. You think all of us are going to adhere to it? I really doubt it. Whats going to happen after that? They'll send out the Speaking Police to monitor how we use the word Bangalore in everyday speech? I honestly don't fancy saying Bengaluru that much in a nice well laid down English sentence. Why? Cause it just doesn't fit. Like how it'd be for me to tell the waiter at Pecos - "Get me some kadlaykai masala please." To me, Bengaluru is just a kannada version of the real name of Bangalore and I'll identify with it to a certain extent and definitely not use it in everyday English Speech.

Moving right along, other important issues were brought up. Like closing the bars and pubs down at 11:30. Now although I don't really agree with Rohit Barkers statements, cause I know he messed up pretty big time with his questions to the panel, but what the mother fucker replied was just annoying to the core. Rohit Barker's point was basically that we should be allowed to dance and party as long as we want to, which I totally agree with btw, to which one mother fucker who's name I didn't bother noting down or remembering said - "You are free to dance at home till 3 in the morning if you want to". Now really, who in this god forsaken fucking world is he to tell anyone that? If the fucking pubs and dance floors were allowed to be kept open beyond 11:30, we'd be drinking and dancing there. Now if he doesn't want to come and drink and dance with us and wants to sit at home and party, so be it for him. But stopping someone from doing something that is doing absolutely no harm than what the root of the problem is actually causing makes no sense to me. Allow me to explain. Just cause the bars and pubs are closed at 11:30 does not necessarily mean that the people will stop drinking. They'll fucking finish drinking at the bars and then head home and drink man. Or they'll just find a new high in the needles, the weed and the coke. Simple solutions to difficult problems. I most certainly say. So don't go around telling me that its better that they close the place down at 11:30. Its not. If you don't want to be a part of the culture, like I choose not to, then don't be. But don't stop someone from having their SHARE OF FUN in their own RIGHTFUL WAY without them hurting or stepping on your social shoes. Really, what difference does it make to me or you sitting at home if there's someone partying in Spinn right now as you are reading this post (considering that its 12:00 in the morning). Absolutely nothing. And trust me, road accidents aren't going to account for the shut down either.

From what I hear, the cops are fucking out of their mind, a Police Raj if you please after 11:00 in the night. I've heard stories ranging from people being chased and abused in kannada to taking people in just cause they had a beer mug on their table next to their dinner plates at 11:35 pm. Which just goes to show how low-life the people in power that be can sink to and that just disgusts me.

Anyways, there was this other annoying award winning prick who was hell bent on glorifying and evangelizing Kannada when he accidently said, "when i was in London studying". Ahem Mr. Mother Fucker. If you love your Bangalore so much and want to profess Kannada to the masses and master mind a name change from bangalore to bengaluru, what the fuck were you doing in London you fucking scum bag. What happened to your patriotism to the city or the country for that matter when you were apparently studying in London huh? Bangalore Univ? Chitra Kala Parikshat? Heard of these places you whorefaced dickwart.

Someone please slap him. I am getting angry.

To sum it all up though, I think we have bigger problems at hand than a stupid name change and partying beyond 11:30. Lets hope they pay attention to those "bigger" problems and we as good citizens who bribe the cops, scam the RTOs to get our fake licenses, pay our way through the BDA among other things, co-operate with them with their ROAD PLAN cause like the host of that show said and I believe, Bangalore is the only fucking city in the country that has the potential to take India to new heights that it hasn't scaled already.

Jai.

Driving ET-E-KET

Post aptly titled so our northy counterparts can pronounce and understand the word, separated with hyphens to make it easier on their peanut sized brains.

What with today, I was traveling down Bannergatta Road, making my way back home on the newly laid tarmac, when I had to slow down rather drastically thanks to one northy dimwit, or a southy dimwit for that matter of fact in a northy's car [read: MH registration]. Now, what the fuck a south indian would be doing in a second hand northy car, i don't know and highly doubt that happening, so its safe to assume the driver of the car was northy as well.

So, as i slowed down behind the maathar chooth (choice of words just to make them feel more at home) the bastard politely takes the fucking cigarette he's smoking and taps the ash outside the fucking window. Now don't get me wrong, I don't complain about most of the things (hehe), but I really don't fancy a mouthful of northy cigarette ash. Now, this ant a northy bashing post or anything like that. I don't fancy a mouthful of southy cigarette ash either, but just that he was northy pissed me off that much more i am guessing.

I sped up to the dimwit, right next to the drivers window and since I was in no mood to fight, I asked him politely (again), "Umm, care to tap your ash inside the ash tray provided with your car?" to which Mr. Forgive-me-but-i-have-a-sock-stuck-up-my-ass replied, "Eh, your fathers road ahh?" to which i grumbled and replied, "YES" and he sped away.

How much of dhumm he has no? That too at 12:10 in the morning. Then i wondered to myself as i was getting back home - how stupid are these mother fuckers? I mean, do they really have any driving etiquette at all? Why would someone want to tap their ash outside their fucking cars? Why would someone want to spray their windshields with water while traveling at 40 kmph? Invariably, they all end up being northy and somehow or the other, i manage to find myself behind one of them.

I am telling you, i need to get myself a fucking gun. The time has come. I just cant let this go any further. Its time we took our city back.

Mental Arm Rest

Oh man, I've really lost it for blogging eh? I know I cant write terribly well or any of that jazz, but I am the best person I know. I love myself :)

Anyways, so here's another thing that pisses me off. Your at the movie theater ok. Now you pay the same amount of money as anyone else, atleast if you went to one of those snappy Multiplexes like Inox or PVR or Innovative Multiplex or whatever. Considering that the ticket costs anywhere between 75 bucks and 150 at times, you expect to watch the movie in peace of mind.

Now let alone the million rats, lizards, cockroaches that are attracted to the 12 corn puffs that you throw down under your chair, but you've got a bigger problem at hand. If you go with your friend or friends and end up getting the last seat and it aint being a corner seat, your fucked man.

You'll engage in a mind game with the dude sitting next to you. It happens in the fucking aircrafts, it happens everywhere where there is an arm rest. What I don't get is, neither you nor the dude sitting next to you will have the courage to fucking stand up and tell you "GET YOUR FUCKING ARM OFF FUCKING THE ARM REST ALREADY YOU SON OF A BITCH WHORE. I WANT TO REST ON IT NOW".

Throughout the movie, the flight to Mumbai, you'll keep sitting there, thinking, if maybe he could move his hand up maybe by a little so you could quickly put your hand there. Trust me, I've done it and it fucking pisses the jazz out of me. The worst part is, not a word is said. Its all in the head. And both of you are consciously aware of it too.

My point is simple and I blame no one but the fucking theater authorities and the airlines and whoever else has arm rests. Make fucking bigger arm rests you dickwarts. Make two for all I care. That way, I can keep my hand and the person sitting next to me can also keep his/her hand and we can watch the movie in peace or fly to Mumbai in peace, without being bothered by such a simple thing.

But honestly, it does piss me off. A lot. If those guys are reading this, do something you bastards...

Yellaru Salute Maadi

Wokay, yellaru salute maadi [translated to: everyone put salute]
Dont forget to stand up also.

Now while your at it, let me tell you guys why you are doing what your doing. Basically you are saluting our cops, cause you HAVE to. I mean come on. We all love them now, don't we?

Anyone read the papers recently? Fucking bastard cops here in bangalore end up scamming away shit loads of money, in crores, over various bank accounts, beds, sofas, drawers and other such "secret" hiding places. Whats more important is these mother fucking cops aren't put to death or anything, considering they've been scamming all our money. They are just "suspended" on our Honourable CM's word. How thoughtful.

And whats worse, one of the dickwarts is from the Fraud Branch even. Morally upright aren't we? Gee man. For once, i think we should employ punishment like they did in Saudi Arabia and all.

First we should tie Mr. Ur-I-Dont-Care-Whatever-the-fuck-his-name-is and his friends to a tree ok. Then we should basically round up everyone like you and me and we should form a semi circle around the tree. We should be given rocks of different sizes based on our height/weight/sex. We should have a leader - a jominder if you please who'll scream "throw" and we should all throw the stones given to us at these mother fuckers with the intent to hurt them as much as possible.

How much faith am i expected to have in the system after all this crap eh? And if you notice, the whole scam is already fading away. I love my India, don't we all?

____

On a lighter note, i want to look like this when I wake up tomorrow morning.

Missed me anyone?

So its been a month. Thought I'll stop after 1 full year of blogging, but apparently, I cant. Got loads to write about. Lots of things have pissed me off since Feb 13th. Geez..

So, who missed me?

Lets all LiveStrong!

I've been meaning to write more often, but I just havent been able to find the time. I know it kind of sucks, but when I read this blog somewhere down the line, I want to remind myself about how busy I actually was :)

Anyways, so these Livestrong bands. There have been enough talk about this all over the place, mainly here, but I cant seem to find the link to the post right now, but the whole thing is pissing me off.

I remember, quite sometime back, there was this honest endeavour that Lance Armstrong started to help fight cancer. By making bands that show support to fighting cancer and selling them for a moderate price to help sponsor cancer research, I honestly did think it was a nice effort. I also figured out that something like this existed thanks to OCC on Travel and Living where those Orange Country Choppers guys built a LiveStrong bike to support the cause as well and gave it away. Thats when I begun reading up on the subject and stuff like that.

Now, dont get me wrong. But I think all you dimwits out there who go and purchase the god damm band from a local shop or two are just fooling yourself into believing that you are cool. Sporting a genuine one also aint cool anymore.

Why?

Cause its not supposed to fucking be cool. Its not supposed to have any other significance than to indicate to the world that you are genuinely concerned about the millions of people who die due to cancer every year and are trying your best in your little way to help fight it. And if any of you reading this can consciously say that you know more than 5 people who own a band and are really bothered about the whole thing and didnt actually purchase it cause it was such a craze, I'd like for them to go visit Curie Center of Oncology or Kidwai or something if they are in Bangalore and see how they can help. Else, tell them to tear it off their arms cause its defeating the purpose.

What pisses me off even more is the number of organizations that have caught on to this idea. Lets not forget to support COURAGE, LOVE, FRIENDS among other things that are inscribed on these bands. And also the brilliant colors that I so love.

For heavens sake, if you want to ride the wagon, so be it.
Else jump off and die!

By the by, today is my blogs appy budday. Appy Budday to you, appy budday to you, appy budday dear blogggggggg, appy buddayyyyyyyyyyy to youuu!!!
And to deetee also.

Fuckwits

Oh man, this totally sucks. Inzy and his boys can go suck on their thumbs for all I care.

I totally lost whatever little respect I had for the Pakistani Cricket team today. Fucking fucktards. What the fuck do they think about themselves? Really!! There are limits to which you can stretch your fucking cheapness, but to do what they did today is just not fucking acceptable. Not to the millions of us watching cricket with so much anticipation at home/office/wherever. They fucking owe us that much to entertain us. Bastards.

So today, Pakistan walk off the field with some 18 balls left needing 18 runs to win with just 3 wickets in hand. I am no huge cricket fan. I don't watch much cricket either. But throw an India-Pakistan One Day match in my face and I'll be hell interested. Don't know what it is about these cricket matches, but they never seem to stop fascinating me. Let alone me, everyone in Bangalore atleast. I just love it when an India Pak match happens. Every one stays glued to the television, eyes riveted to the television sets, small eats all stacked up nicely and in close reach and watching the match with the spirit that is innate with being Indian I guess.

And what do these fucktards from Pakistan do? Walk off the field with a lame ass excuse of Bad Light. Now give me a fucking break. I aint no rocket scientist, but it doesn't take much to pull off that scam alright. First off, Inzy 'I am a pussy" Maam is run out obstructing the field. What a fine example to set Mr. Capeetain. And then as he walks back to the dressing room, he does his filmi shit by looking up to the heavens for answers. What a bastard. I felt like whacking the shit out of the numbskull of his.

Then, as he was sitting there in his dressing room watching his team almost go down to a fighting Indian side, he quickly checked with his statisticians and figured that if he asked his "boys" to leave the field on time, they win the match by some 7 runs cause of some two dip shits called Duckworth and Lewis.

Who the fuck is Duckworth and Lewis? Do I really care? I want the fucking match to end like it should. Either India wins or it loses. We still deserve a full match. Not a half assed match where one team is too sissy to continue due to bad light. Give me a fucking break. Those bastards just pulled a fast one on us and we're taking it lightly.

I think we need to nuke the mother fuckers!

How do you like them PINEAPPLE

So yeah, just to clear the air, Will says "How do you like them apples" in Good Will Hunting.

Anyways, I went on a location hunt recently to this place called Talakad. Don't know if any of you guys have even heard of this place, but its an awesome place. Atleast used to be an awesome place. Shit loads of sand and some really nice temples and stuff. But that's all gone. Some 300 lorries keep coming there everyday and loading up their trucks with sand to take and sell in the city apparently. Now all the sand is gone and there aint no sand left to stare at.

But then again, that's not the point about this post either.

On my way back from there, I spotted a small cart with some 30 pineapples alright. So I stopped by and picked up 5 to bring back home. There was not much that I hated about pineapples before today when I actually sat down and thought about them and how many things actually piss me off about pineapples.

First of all, they are a fucking expensive fruit alright. They cost anywhere between 15-20 bucks a fruit, which means that you'll end up paying a minimum of 2-3 rupees for each 5mm slice, which amounts to almost nothing considering that you are a huge alpha male yourself.

Then, there's no way of telling if the fruit inside is actually over ripe or not ripe at all cause the color of the skin is not really helpful with the fruit is what I've learnt from experience. It'll look the same, smell almost the same and yet be sour most of the time. Fucking pissing off that you cant really figure out which one to choose from the lot. Bastard fruit.

To make matters worse, once you buy it, you goto bring it home and tediously remove the skin off the fruit. Its like a fucking cactus. Who the fuck wants to eat a cactus. Its even got an odd thorn or two just to piss you off even more. You cant really eat the center of the fruit also cause that's the part that kinda tickles your throat. So you goto just eat around the center portion or chop it off completely. Which in relative terms means you've paid 15-20 bucks for extra skin that you cant eat and some stupid painful middle portion that has no usage value at all.

In addition to all that, you cant really store the fucking fruit. You goto eat the whole thing right away. If you put it in the fridge, it'll taste almost like crap the next day. If you leave it out, it'll turn kakka brown the next morning and will be all soggy and soft and you wont even go 5 feet close to it.

And to sum it all up with the mother of all piss off's, if you have tonscils like I do and you happen to eat the fucking fruit just before you goto sleep, you'll end up lying down in bed and trying to clear your throat by making ugly sounds like "khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrr" x 3 and other sounds that rhyme or resemble just that. Eating that center portion like I mentioned above will only make matters worse. You will also try to plug your ears with your two index fingers and do some vague stuff with your tongue to try and get all the stupid feeling out of your throat. It wont work. It will only keep getting worse. You'll end up feeling like crap and will go watch Shaktiman.

So remind me again, why go through all the trouble? For just 30 grams of bliss? I think I'll pass.

"Mama, go cut the pig tied in the backyard and make me some sarpotel and sannas.."

Have a Cigar

So you do some really nice things for someone you dont know and what do you get in return?

NOTHING!!


Other than being stubbed I guess.
Not that i expected much, but I didnt expect to be lied to atleast. Moreover, I didnt expect to be stubbed. Nor did I expect to waste so much paper on NOTHING.

This, my friends, is a mere extention of the kalti thing i was talking about a few weeks back.

None the less, have a cigar.

Life goes on..

Fucking Talented Musician Fuckers

Yeah, so anyways, I've been going to quite a few music shows lately and I've been noticing one thing, all the guys who can play an instrument are people who definitely don't look like musicians at all.

And the worst part is, some guys are born talented. I mean, they don't have to fucking work hard to learn the guitar or something. It just comes to them. And trust me, you hate it when that happens. When you know you sit your ass down and struggle to learn an instrument and then this guy comes along and in a matter of just a few weeks, he fucking picks up that same instrument and learns to play it real well while your still stuck there trying to figure out Hotel California.

It pisses me off that they don't have to try as hard as I do. I mean really, you should look at some of these buggers who can play the guitar man. They do it so effortlessly. Its like riding a bike for them. Like how you just change gears without even paying attention to it no, like that only. They'll just fucking play without even being bothered about which scale they are on and which note is the fucking root note and all that crap. It just happens.. And I fucking hate it, cause it never happens for me.

I watch all these guys in awe, firstly cause I admire their talent. Secondly cause I can never do the things they do. Sure, they may or may not be able to do the things that I do too, but I hate it that they're talented at playing the instrument and I am not. Simple. It shouldn't be this fucking difficult for me. It should just come easy. Maybe I should go enroll myself for classes somewhere. I've had enough of this Bm - Em - Blah Blah Blah Blah...

Fucking talented mother fuckers.. hate them all.

Honk and I'll run you over!

So yeah, I totally don't get why I am blogging so much lately, but I figured, I'd make up for lost time.

Anyways, so I hate it when all these dumbass truck drivers from Andhra Pradesh, Haryana, Delhi and all the other fucking states bring their trucks to Bangalore and ride around in our fucking city. Especially on the right most lane. What the fuck is that all about eh?

So, there I was on my bike riding on the Outer Ring Road, when i was faced with two trucks that were ahead of me. Considering that I was riding faster than them, I expected to overtake them from the right, LIKE I AM SUPPOSED TO. But the bastards refuse to give me way. I mean really, what the fuck right?

Where else in the world do you get to see this man? All the fucking trucks that cant travel faster than 40 kmph are on the right most lane, which btw, is supposed to be the fastest lane. Like if your traveling really fast anywhere else in the world, you'd need to be in the right most lane. Not cutting lanes and zipping across lanes and stuff like that.

So i took that pic while riding my bike. See that fucking dumbass lorry ahead of the lancer, that's one of the mother fuckers who refused to give me way. I had to eventually overtake him from the left. Thank god his co-driver decided to spit out his pan after i had passed him, else you know how I would have thrown my helmet at his fucking fat northie turd face!!

Bastards pissed me off..