Wednesday, January 25, 2006
How do you like them PINEAPPLE
So yeah, just to clear the air, Will says "How do you like them apples" in Good Will Hunting.
Anyways, I went on a location hunt recently to this place called Talakad. Don't know if any of you guys have even heard of this place, but its an awesome place. Atleast used to be an awesome place. Shit loads of sand and some really nice temples and stuff. But that's all gone. Some 300 lorries keep coming there everyday and loading up their trucks with sand to take and sell in the city apparently. Now all the sand is gone and there aint no sand left to stare at.
But then again, that's not the point about this post either.
On my way back from there, I spotted a small cart with some 30 pineapples alright. So I stopped by and picked up 5 to bring back home. There was not much that I hated about pineapples before today when I actually sat down and thought about them and how many things actually piss me off about pineapples.
First of all, they are a fucking expensive fruit alright. They cost anywhere between 15-20 bucks a fruit, which means that you'll end up paying a minimum of 2-3 rupees for each 5mm slice, which amounts to almost nothing considering that you are a huge alpha male yourself.
Then, there's no way of telling if the fruit inside is actually over ripe or not ripe at all cause the color of the skin is not really helpful with the fruit is what I've learnt from experience. It'll look the same, smell almost the same and yet be sour most of the time. Fucking pissing off that you cant really figure out which one to choose from the lot. Bastard fruit.
To make matters worse, once you buy it, you goto bring it home and tediously remove the skin off the fruit. Its like a fucking cactus. Who the fuck wants to eat a cactus. Its even got an odd thorn or two just to piss you off even more. You cant really eat the center of the fruit also cause that's the part that kinda tickles your throat. So you goto just eat around the center portion or chop it off completely. Which in relative terms means you've paid 15-20 bucks for extra skin that you cant eat and some stupid painful middle portion that has no usage value at all.
In addition to all that, you cant really store the fucking fruit. You goto eat the whole thing right away. If you put it in the fridge, it'll taste almost like crap the next day. If you leave it out, it'll turn kakka brown the next morning and will be all soggy and soft and you wont even go 5 feet close to it.
And to sum it all up with the mother of all piss off's, if you have tonscils like I do and you happen to eat the fucking fruit just before you goto sleep, you'll end up lying down in bed and trying to clear your throat by making ugly sounds like "khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrr" x 3 and other sounds that rhyme or resemble just that. Eating that center portion like I mentioned above will only make matters worse. You will also try to plug your ears with your two index fingers and do some vague stuff with your tongue to try and get all the stupid feeling out of your throat. It wont work. It will only keep getting worse. You'll end up feeling like crap and will go watch Shaktiman.
So remind me again, why go through all the trouble? For just 30 grams of bliss? I think I'll pass.
"Mama, go cut the pig tied in the backyard and make me some sarpotel and sannas.."