Thursday, May 25, 2006

Laugh Club

I just cant deprive you guys of all the fun I am having right now, watching this video that my friend uploaded onto You Tube.

I dont do this often. I mean, I dont drift away from the idea behind the blog and post or link up people, but this definitely deserves to be watched, atleast by all my readers. Consider it a thanks-for-coming-by-and-visiting gift.

More importantly thanks to Wally for putting up the video and thanks to Susu and Sadia for sharing the video. You guys are the punk!

[again thanks to wally for uploading it]

Special thanks to the fourth lady (the one standing right in front of the giggling younger girls) who does the best fucking MOBILE LAUGH IN THE PLANET. You rule ma`am!!
Thanks for all the laughs. This will keep me laughing for life.
Beats that Eef You Come Today video anyday.

I promise I am going to try and organise something so all of us can go there and be a part of this, atleast once. Everyone interested, drop me a line.

doctorpissed at gmail dot com

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Ad Hic

I mean, is it just me or is there something that is offensive about that ad?
Now before we start, please be sure to use the mull accent to pronounce the word COKE cause I am sure 83% of McCann is Mull and only they'll get the pun. Anyways, moving right along, BIG FUN with the BIG COKE!!

I mean really, do we have to stoop so low? I am not trying to make something out of nothing. The fact that its been happening a lot is pissing the shit out of me. First I noticed this ad the other day as I went to meet a friend alright. Now, sure, I am all for visual communication and all, but if you actually look at that hoarding from a very customer centric standpoint, its got shit loads of pun thrown into it with all the UPPER CASE, lower case communication style and to top it all off, you've got Ash sucking on a bottle of cock, umm, coke!

Thats just wrong man. Its cheap and it aint funny even. What other sort of fun could they fucking be talking about? The fun that one derives from sucking on a glass bottle? Umm.. what else? The fun that those red vectors seem to indicate - NOT. Umm, what else? NOTHING. Cause its a bad ad with bad taste. Call me old fashioned, but good ads with a good punch line, as offensive as they are, are always GOOD ads. This one just sucks and makes absolutely no sense. The copy guy fucked up big time and the graphic guy just sat there, ate peanuts and came up with the idea of the sucking image. Fucking dumbasses.

Remember the Kingfisher hoardings that were ruling our skies a few months ago? The one on M.G. Road was as interesting as hell. They had one of those ugly looking air hostesses (which by the way is the only other thing I hate about Kingfisher. The other thing is that they don't serve Fresh Lime like on Jet) holding her hand up like she was indicating super by putting her index finger over her thumb and the other fingers pointing towards the sky. Much like how you'd make a dog's face impression when there is now power and you have to make do with the candle. In her other hand, she had a miniature scale model of one of those Kingfisher aircrafts and again, call me old fashioned, but the image was YUCKY!! Like she's trying to do something with the aircraft and the hole. Fucking stupid graphics.

Remember the Titan Ad. Sure it was cool as hell and we all 20 year olds loved it and even used that "ooohh yess sirr" once or twice to get it on with someone, but damm man, imagine those hormones of them 13 year olds. Those kids who are just about figuring out that Junior does more than just go pee pee and all. What the fuck are they going to make of the ad? Again, I loved the ad, but it wasn't in good taste, not when the whole demographic is concerned. Its not like we have TV ratings that are followed or any of that crap. All of them 13 year olds watch Baywatch and all that shit. Sure!! But why swim with the rest of them when you can fly solo and stay out of the water man? I say, don't stoop so low. Come up with creative, intelligent copy. Screw the sexual connotation all the fucking time. There's more to advertising than just Sex. But really, who am I kidding?

Like these, there have been enough instances when we, the people remotely associated with the Ad World, have had to just put our heads down in shame. Not because we're all doing something wrong, but because some of us just have bad taste. I wonder who approves of these ads? Don't they go through Censor Certification like the films do? How about the CD's and all at the agency. I mean really, don't they give a damm?

Infact the other day, I was at the movies watching the most fucked up movie of last month, The Pink Panther, which is thought was a total waste of my money. To add to my misery, there were shit loads of northie and southie kids, more northie than southie who'd stand up from their seats and start laughing like dickheads all the time. Then they'd scream, "mummy, who kya tha mummy?" (which is how I concluded more northie than southie) But really though, shut the fuck up and watch the movie kid. You fucking dickwart. No one gives a crap if you understood the movie or not. Just shut the fuck up and thank your lucky starts you were brought to the movies in the first place. Dumbasses.

Anyways, so I was there, bored out of my skull within the first 3 minutes of the movie, sulking as usual. Next to me was a kid, one of them pesky 13 year olds who came to the movies with his elder sister and her friend. The elder sister, nor her friend sat next to me and made that dumbass sit next to me. I didn't mind though. They weren't any hot looking or anything. As my money was getting burnt on screen, there was this scene where that guy who looked like the Naked Gun fellow was trying to get this french chick off a table cause she couldn't jump down like the rest of the women from the rest of the world, cause she's french. So he asks her to climb over his shoulders to get down. Don't ask me why. They thought that would be funny I guess. They ultimately get into a position where the naked gun fellow lookalike has his face right in that french woman's *ahem ahem* and then prance around the room pretending not to be able to dismount one another. So suddenly the dumbass 13 year old who was just laughing cause the rest of the movie hall was laughing for god knows what fucking reason decided that it was time to make his sister and her friend feel totally awkward. So he stood up, turned to them and said "Umm, what happened just now? Why was that funny?" Now clearly, sister dearest or her friend couldn't explain and were totally put in a very uncomfortable situation. They just tried to laugh it off which made it even worse. Thanks to the dumbass 13 year old though, I atleast had some fun.

Sometime later in the movie, it happened again though. The Naked Gun fellow pops one of them Viagra pills, or rather tries to pop one of them pills when it accidently slips into the commode (oh how funny) and then he rips the whole bathroom apart trying to get to it. So after laughing like a dickwart again, the 13 year old stands up and asks his sister "Umm, what was that? Why was he looking for it, why why?" to which his sister replied, "It was nothing. Just like that"

Muhahahaha get the whole deal now?
I am saying, that Pink Panther movie wasn't meant for those kids. If it was, it sucked. If it was meant for people like me and my friends, then it still sucked cause it wasn't funny. Just get your target audience right and make sure they see it. Simple

I hate cock anyways. I am a pepsi fan! They make good Pepsi ads too (international ones atleast)

Monday, May 22, 2006

Screw the Spellings!

Oh really, for fucks sake, spelling mistakes?
Its all been adding up lately. I could care less for spelling mistakes really. Yet people make it a point to point them out. Especially when your chatting with someone. I mean really, who gives a fucking crap!!

We're chatting for crying out loud. As long as you can understand what I am "trying" to tell you, who cares if I spelt the world encyclofuckingpedia wrong? Fucking mother fuckers have to make it a point to tell you that your wrong.

Sure its wrong to like make a spelling mistake in a written test or an exam or something, but on CHAT? You've got to fucking be kidding me. Now quickly, all you spelling freaks out there, tell me fastly fast that there is no such word as "fastly". FUCK YOU!!

I've had it up to here with all you dimwits. Like my friend says, "The point behind language is communication" and I tend to agree with her. So fuck the spellings and just get on with whatever business you have online. And I promise i'll make it a point to use a spell check everytime I apply for a job or write an exam!
I hope my spell checker is a hot ass chick.. woohoo..

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

The World Was Created by the Devil

Fuck this world man. No, really, FUCK THIS WORLD!!!

Now, I was just thinking to myself yesterday when I was riding my bike and it all fell into place for me. Nothing really sparked this thought off, but for fucks sake, it all fell into place. Atleast for me. If any of you guys are religious and all that jazz, stop yourself from reading on. I am just ranting cause I want to and don't want to offend anyone.

Going by the theory of intelligent design and all that blah blah, this world was made by God. Now, if you and I were to believe that shit, then why the fuck would God want to do this to us man. I mean come on now really. If you guys have noticed, 90% of all the things that you want, like, desire are always BAD FOR YOU. I mean what kind of a sadist of an intelligent designer would do something like that to us?

Right from the beginning of time, out of all the things that God had to forbid Adam and Eve to eat, he choose the apple. The ripe sweet awesome looking apple. Not the crappy green yucky cabbage or any of that jazz. He had to choose the apple. Obviously Adam couldn't take it anymore and plunged on the apple the minute he got the chance. And that my friend was termed a sin. Yeah my fucking ass!! He just ate the apple cause he wanted to. God damm it!! [hehe, god damm it I said, hehehe]

Anyways, moving right along, like I said earlier, everything that you really want is bad for you. Like that hot chick you see one day and you know she's right for you on one hand. On the other, you know if you took her home and introduced her to your mother, one glance of her sleeveless top and those sexy tight Levis L-530's or whatever it is those hot women wear with their shades and their ciggies and your mom will forbid you from ever meeting her. Even sweet mum's like mine will show doubt in their eyes when meeting people like this, although you know for a fact that she's right for you, common sense and everyone around you will warn you with crap like "she's bad for you man/dude/beta/son/whateverthefuck"

You want to have a fucking ice cream just when it begins to get hot and that's also bad for you. Sure it'll end up messing around with your fucking system and will give you a terrible cold just when summer starts, but for fucks sake, if you want to eat an ice cream, you should be allowed to, without people telling you not to have it. You want to get wet in the first rains and you'll hear someone or the other yelling "Dont get wet in the rain".

How about those nice looking chips? Or a Twix bar just before you hit the sack. We all know you want it, but can you have it? NO YOU FUCKING DIMWIT, you cant.

In all honesty, FUCK YOU!!! [to that inner voice]

I can go on and on about this fucking shit and it'll only end up pissing me off more and more. All I goto conclude is, if God wanted us to be living happily, he wouldn't have made sure that all the things we love the most are the things that end up being BAD for us. Now that just doesn't equate right, like 2 and 2 make 5 or something.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

POMS - The Mother of All Piss Offs

Pom·er·a·ni·an (pŏm'ə-rā'nē-ən, -rān'yən) pronunciation
  1. Any of a breed of small dogs having long silky hair, a foxlike face, pointed ears, and a hairy ail curling over the back. These dogs are the Mother of All Piss Offs the world over. Shoot everyone of them at sight and dont think twice about cutting them into small pieces either.
I think thats more than enough no? Fucking mother fucking bastard breed of a dog only these Poms are. They dont deserve to live on our planet. They need a planet of their own. I am officially issuing a "Kill the mother fuckers warrant" against all living Poms. Each and everyone of you reading this blog is free to kill as many poms as you guys sight and are free to point to this website and the "Kill the Mother Fuckers Warrant" that is in bold letters after doing so if questioned.

They dont serve a purpose. They arent cute. Thus they cant be pets. They cant be guard dogs if they can be run over by a bicycle. What the fuck are they going to guard? Their balls? They have this annoying face that no one can stand. They also have the worst bark in dog land. I mean really, who the fuck gives a damm about their worthless lives? NO ONE. Thus I say, kill them all.

Today as I was coming back home, this small little twit of an animal they call a Pom came running out a gate and charging at my leg. Since I was riding and wearing nice Converse Floaters, i kicked the mother fucker in the face. Then i stopped the bike, had a huge argument with his owner and told him to keep this dog tied to his gate else I am just going to run him over with my bike. He didnt even bother asking me why. I think he knew the answer already!!

In all fairness to the breed, I am not going to rant about them any further. I just think this breed of dog is by far the biggest piss off in the planet.