Sunday, September 18, 2005
I got dengued today!
If you guys are wondering what the topic title means, fret not. I basically intend to tell all my ardent fans that I got fucked today!
How you may ask? Well, let me take the fucking time to explain.
I went to work today. I know, what a crappy life I must be leading that I need to go to work on a Sunday. But work is work dude. When you enjoy it as much as I do, you wont complain. Anyways, i finished doing what I was supposed to in about 30 minutes and I get a message from a friend. I thought to myself, let me just message him while I am riding the bike. I mean come on, what the fuck could happen right? I've done this a million times, ride the bike and message someone, even talk on the phone by sticking the phone inside my helmet. So, what the fuck, I could pull this off too. So I started my bike, took off from work and started typing the message with my left hand while accelerating with the right. I didnt crash up or anything. I was just super excited about the message that I didnt notice a stupid fucking cop just waiting at the end of the road to catch me.
And mind you, he did.
He pulled me over to the side and cracked the usual kannada movie joke - "eyyy, jogi, yell hogtha iddiya kano?" (btw, just so that you people from north india and around the world know, Jogi is a new kannada movie where the protagonist has long locks, just like mine and I've got this fucking Jogi thing from countless number of people before the cop, street children, auto drivers, the lot. First it was Uppi, now its fucking Jogi. I am going to cut my fucking hair. You just wait..)
Anyways, so there I was, caught red handed. I was guilty of riding the bike and using the phone at the same time, which mind you, is an offence. So he asked me to pull my bike over and I did. Then he started cracking jokes with me. He then casually checked my papers and to my fucking suprise, both my emission test certificate and my insurance had fucking expired. I mean what crap. Just 2 minutes before handing out the papers to him, I was happily riding my bike with super confidence and being super thrilled and all and then out of the blue this guy catches me and fucks up my sunday. I was even under the impression that my bike papers were up to date, but they obviously werent. The emission test expired in March 2005 and the Oriental Insurance paper was done with way back in Feb itself.
So now I had 3 offenses against my record. I was guilty of riding my bike and using the mobile phone at the same time and riding the bike with expired papers.
So basically, I was fucked.
He then goes on to tell me that I am supposed to pay him 1200 bucks. I was like "what the fuck". I literally said that btw. He said, using abusive language to a police officer is another offense so you better chill out (all in kannada btw). Anyways, let me give you the break down.
300 bucks for riding the bike and using the cell phone at the same time
500 bucks for expired insurance papers
200 bucks for expired emission test
100 bucks for riding a bike with mirrors
100 bucks for riding a bike with no front ferring
Now, I totally get the first three but what the fuck. If i choose not to have mirrors on my bike, its my fucking choise. If I die, I die. Who the fuck is he to command that I have mirrors. Moreover, if I dont want to have a front ferring on my fucking bike, its my fucking choice again. I like my bike without a ferring and I am going to keep it that way.
Obviously, I couldnt tell him all that. So I just smiled and gave him the "Come on saaar, ganesha habba" bit. He didnt seem to want to budge. He was stern. Anyways, after much pleading and requesting, he gave in and I got out of there after 30 minutes by paying him some 50 bucks and promising to come back with another 100.
In his fucking dreams am I going to go back with that 100. Actually I did go back. But his boss had turned up and he just sent me away.
Anyways, the whole experience today was such a piss off. Spoilt my whole day plan. I so wanted to go to church and sing hymns today. Didnt happen :(